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3/10/2013 c7 15EnchantedInk13
I like what I was able to read of this, but it's almost impossible to understand with the organization done as you have it now. There should be a paragraph break every time the dialogue switches from one person to another. It makes it easier to understand who's speaking. I just can't follow the dialogue and enjoy it properly when it's all in one large paragraph.

It's a shame, because I loved the parts that I was able to understand. Your imagery is great, and your word choice is excellent and vivid. I look forward to seeing more from you.
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