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for The Vampire's Mate

10/8/2014 c1 Guest
Your spelling sucks but the story has potential.
4/20/2013 c5 1ANIME-NICA
thats awsome.
4/18/2013 c5 jwagner778
she's awesome! Kaname sounds like a crazy perv.
4/12/2013 c4 2rose-owl12
Great but I want more
4/1/2013 c4 ZerAng
Please Update!
3/25/2013 c3 1ZombieDollXIII
This sooo funny! xD The Night Class being terrorized by Angelica, poor Kaname! xDD I hope you you write more!
3/24/2013 c3 TheRealTayler13
Plz update soon can't wait to read more
3/21/2013 c3 Guest-Not-aGuest
love it :D update plz
3/21/2013 c3 12Shakaka
This story is interesting, I will say, and I like Angelica's cocky, badass ways. I believe this story has potential, but it needs improvement. I'm not saying that to be nasty, I'm saying it to be helpful, so please don't take offence :)

What I mean by improvement is that the story's spelling has a few errors. I would advise you to go back over your chapters and try to fix them up to the best of your ability, or seek out the help of a Beta. We're all human, I know, and we all make mistakes, but this story can be improved. Fluent spelling makes the reader's experience more pleasurable.

Another point I would like to bring up is your descriptions. To me, you are telling more than showing. In a few parts of the chapters, you ARE showing, which is great, but I believe you could add a little more. Telling gives the basics of the character's actions, but it is the detail in a story from the showing that makes the character more realistic and relatable. For example:
Telling: 'he asks.'
Showing: 'he asks/questions curiously, his eyes animated, etc.'
Do you see what I mean?

Anyway, I do like the OC you've created, and you're doing a good job at developing an entertaining plot. Well done! :D

Cheers,
Shakaka
3/19/2013 c1 huntess310
very funny, I very much enjoyed reading it!
3/19/2013 c3 1CloudBloodbane
I'm curious what way is she talking about?

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