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for Harry Potter and the Quidditch Adoption

8/25/2015 c4 tammin
What happened in the bank, did the goblins detect the soul shard in Harry's scar? Do the Dark families know that Harry has been named Heir to their Family Lines? This and many other questions I hope are answered in later chapters. In other news, you have done a good job so far and I am looking forward to reading this story.
8/25/2015 c10 digbygreen
It was difficult to follow the timeline in the last two chapters. Not sure when the DEs woke up. When did Harry meet with Narcissa? Did Harry really get beyond first base with Narcissa or was it more of a WWE Smack Down?
Story was going well until chapter 9.
8/21/2015 c10 3WhiteElfElder
If you can streamline things and fill in the holes and untangle the overlaps this will be a much better story.
8/21/2015 c8 WhiteElfElder
If what was alluded to about Harry and Narcissa was was done, I hope that Harry used multiple somethings to prevent STDs and conception.
8/21/2015 c5 WhiteElfElder
How is Lucius alive after the others with the Mark dropped dead from Voldemort draining them in his attempt to take over Harry's body?
8/21/2015 c4 WhiteElfElder
How could Albus be seen being hexed by Harry if Albus had fled the area after reading the first lines of the message received?

How could Harry be arguing with Albus after reading his own letter if Albus was not in the area because he was up in his office reading his own missive?

What happened between the soul shard drawing power from the marked followers and Amelia Bones' scene?

If all those with the Dark Mark dropped dead how was Snape supposed to attend to Albus on Albus' return from the Ministry, much less even be in the meeting?
2/13/2015 c10 fan
I like the idea of your story but must compliment you for rewritting them because you often repeat yourself or even make changes without warning and logic ( i.e. the DE are first in a coma then they become squibs and then suddendly they are death?! Not to mention, there was no reaction of them being death from their family and so on! Same with mrs weasley one chapter she did one thing and the next it seems as if she did nothing). It is all a little confusing. I hope you don't take this review as a flame because I really only hope to help you with these remarkes. I will look out for your rewritten story and good luck!
2/25/2014 c9 OSR fanatic
Great Story! :) Update Soon! :)
1/28/2014 c10 8Tigris DivingHawk
This is a good storyline keep it up I can't wait to see what happens next did scabbers get the squib sickness or did the ward protect him like snape?
1/27/2014 c10 10Kitty Scherbatskaya
Good luck with figuring out the story! I've been following it for a while now, and I really love your writing.
Cheers,
PrincessScherbatskaya
1/14/2014 c10 5michaelc100
I hope you carry on with this story and we see some new chapters soon

by the way, even though you mentioned mrs Malfoy leaving in a dishevelled state, you did not mention what she and harry got up to. It sounded like more than negotiation
1/9/2014 c10 4Ped
I like your story. The premise is well thought out, and incorporates so much of what HP canon failed to explain, adequately.

And for your reformat may I suggest... something to denote time changes (a few asterisks *** on a separate line works for a lot of people.)

Also, a better flow of time. I swear sometimes time jumps between POV changes (also something that some delineation between parts would help,) that I am baffled about the chapter flows sometimes. Also, Christmas has passed at one point, but then I swear the story went back to the Autumn time period again.

And finally... when was Harry checked out by the Goblins? It was mentioned during his original testing while McGonagall was there (i.e. about his scar,) but that was the last we heard about it until there was talk about love potion overdosing at a check that happened (very much off-screen.)

But, keep up the good work, and I wait with anticipation for new chapters *and* the revamp you have planned.
1/1/2014 c10 cfaithcsf
1)I feel you should have many shorter paragraphs instead of the long paragraphs you currently have. I find that long paragraphs are harder to read as it is harder to keep track of the story and I keep getting confused.

2) I think that your story is not consistent. It feels a bit like you are writing without rereading what you have already posted. For example, in one chapter, McGonagall apologized to Hermione, the next chapter, McGonagall apologised to Harry and Hermione for the exact same thing.

That said the storyline is good
12/17/2013 c10 Rake1810
Love the idea of the story and I'm looking forward to what you decide to change.
11/14/2013 c10 2valor of the twilight lord
very good story but in addition to streamlining the storyline you may want to look at the timeline because I noticed some fairly big inconsistencies in it.
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