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for Harry Potter and the Quidditch Adoption

11/13/2013 c10 2mwinter1
Let us know.
10/11/2013 c4 2gennastar
I'm not sure I understand what happened in the chapter in regards to the mark and the followers. Did the TM scar actually pull life force from the followers thereby killing them or did the scar pull life force in an effort to takeover HP's body while the followers passed out but remained alive?
10/11/2013 c1 gennastar
This scenario seems right. It would seem like a sports team would notice first that something isn't working for a team mate faster than everyone else.
9/18/2013 c9 Guest
Will you pair harry with angelina jonshon?
9/9/2013 c1 6BlindJedi
Friendly suggestion. If you want more readership, might want to correct the title of the story to Quidditch instead of Quidditich. Will review more later.
8/26/2013 c7 11Prustan
The story is interesting, and I do like several of the changes that you have introduced thanks to the team, but may I suggest that you find a beta reader to help organise the pacing and events better? As it is now, I have found myself too confused trying to keep everything in order to keep reading.
8/25/2013 c9 teachergirl
While I like your story, I'm confused from time to time. At the beginning of the story Harry had already received his broom from Sirius. Then later you had Hermione going behind his back about it. Then, the death eaters where dead and now they are alive. In an earlier chapter you said Charlie quit Quidditch after OWLs to concentrate on his studies, but in this chapter you have him working during the summer after OWLs to buy a new broom. Then, in your author's note you said there would Hermione bashing, but there wasn't. It seems as if you don't have a real idea of where you're going and that makes it hard for the reader to get a handle on the story. I hope you keep writing but with a more cohesive storyline because I like your premise.
8/25/2013 c9 28Kairan1979
Thanks for the update.
I agree that it isn't smart to waste money on the trips to Romania or Egypt if you can't afford new clothes for you children. Maybe Arthur NEEDS a mind healer.
I hope Harry realizes that losing Ron as a friend isn't much of a loss.
8/24/2013 c9 studyofchaos
Hope your muse shows back up soon. This is a great story and it would really be to bad if it never gets finished. Maybe you just need to re-think where your headed with the story and do that?
8/24/2013 c4 4Lionhead Bookends
This story is a bit of a mess, I can't really read any more. I've noticed that you've got people reacting to things that haven't happened several times. A prime example is in the first chapter or two, when the team goes to McGonagall, she asks what their parents will think of their actions, but all the team's asked is to teach Harry some spells and give him an introduction to Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. They also bring up that Harry's not had any counseling in choosing his electives.

McGonagall reacts by asking how they feel the staff has failed Harry, and if their parents will approve of their actions. Considering their only suggested action is to give Harry a bit of tutoring, and they gave an example of failure outright ... this doesn't make any sense.

This sort of thing happens again in this chapter. Dumbledore receives the letter and rushes up to his office to read it, but that scene's bookended by Harry noticing the staff hexing him, and McGonagall calming down from trying to hex the Headmaster. That's a big problem, since Dumbledore's perspective makes no mention of it in any way.

Finally, I can't stand reading your characters' talking. It's painful, it's thick, and it's often disconnected from the reactions of people around it.

There is a nugget of a good story here, but you need a tonne more polish. Re-read your story, straighten out those kinks, and definitely try reading your characters' speech aloud or getting someone else to do so for you. I wouldn't mind reading the story if the problems it's currently experiencing were fixed, but it needs a lot of work first.
8/24/2013 c9 Cassandra30
Excellent!
8/23/2013 c9 mizzrazz72
Ron is a selfish prat.
8/23/2013 c9 58Zucht
Interesting story, and fun to read.

I seem to have missed Hermione abandoning Harry. I remember in this chapter that she got extremely busy, but that is it. In what chapter did the abandonment take place?
8/23/2013 c9 Arashi - IV of VI
Amazing! :)
Loved it!
8/21/2013 c8 3elizabeth.mary.stark
Interesting story, seems to be along the lines of what I was going to write and have unfinished and unworked on for a while...I like this!
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