Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Harry Potter and the Quidditch Adoption

8/9/2013 c8 5Man of Constant Sorrow
Another great chapter.

I must say I feel like the implications that Harry and Narcissa had sex are going go turn out to be a misleading joke, like they were actually playing twister, or something, not to be crude but if they are boinking just say it ;)

I love that Draco is dependant on Harry...muhuhahaha

As always thanks for sharing, I eagerly await your next.
8/8/2013 c8 28Kairan1979
'Lawyers are the true Dark Lords'. Too bad Voldy didn't know about it.
8/6/2013 c8 LifeIsAGreatAdventure
I've just caught up this story and do like it. I think you do need to work on the skips in your plot, at times, it feels like action in one space isn't very well set up-some of the early meetings for the team with the goblins and Harry's second meeting with them are like this in particular. In general, though, this is a really creative idea and I'm looking forward to seeing how you finish the story. Thanks for your hard work on it so far.
8/4/2013 c8 1geetac
I like the chapter
8/4/2013 c8 magitech
Lawyers are the true Dark Lords :)

Maybe that's a way to stop future Dark Lords, have them fill out the appropriate "Conquer the world" paperwork (in triplicate) and have if correctly filed at Gringotts. That might put them off, I can imagine the size of that form hehe
8/4/2013 c8 2mwinter1
Awaiting more.
8/4/2013 c8 58Zucht
confused by the ending, who or how many returned to life?
8/4/2013 c8 Cassandra30
What fun!
8/4/2013 c7 Guest
What a "conspiracy". Why should any reader take that serious?
7/22/2013 c7 lange202009
please continue i find this story highly enjoyable.
7/22/2013 c7 5Man of Constant Sorrow
Another excellent chapter.

Molly...she is just plain crazy, her obsession to be rich and "respectable" is downright disturbing.

Is there any hope for Ginny just being a clueless pawn, I dislike Ginny, as much as one can dislike a non-entity, but having her being a obsessed potion princess is getting old. Perhaps have her move on from Harry or have her decide that if she's going to attract Harry it will be with her own personality, not something in a bottle and just have her put the potions her mum sends down the drain.

Just a thought.

As always thanks for sharing, I eagerly await your next.
7/20/2013 c7 2mwinter1
wow. chapters over lap each other and nothing is linear. Nice story concept though. Will read to see which direction and to see how you end this story.
7/16/2013 c7 5plums
I've enjoyed the story thus far, but this was the first chapter I really haven't liked. McGonagall's apology turned out to be her rambling and reminiscing , which had the outward effect of basically making her look senile when I tried to view it from the perspective of Harry and Hermione. I think her apology could be streamlined and made much more to the point.

The mention of a warranty on the Firebolt and how the Professor's just invalidated it and likely made a safe broom unsafe with their tinkering also could've been fleshed out a lot more. You meandered away from that statement with this long commentary about Quidditch history at Hogwarts, then had Harry "table" the thought about concerns for the upcoming game. What about concerns for how the Professor's possibly screwed the extremely expensive broom up?

Also, I'm not sure what McGonagall's thoughts about "what she planned to do next could very well change magical England as she knew it" had to do with anything, but I certainly did not see any earth-shattering revelations occur in McGonagall's speech. She apologized, and gave back a firebolt. That's it. Maybe the woman admitting she possibly did something wrong was a life-changing thing in her mind, but I dont see it affecting Harry all that much, especially this late in the game.

Beyond that, I'll say, from a technical standpoint, your paragraphs are way too long.. Your conversations ("quoted speech") tend go to 5 or more lines on my screen, which honestly makes me start skipping content. When your characters speak, make sure there is clear delineations between them speaking and any descriptive text/sentences around it. In other words, put spoken text in paragraphs on their own (preferably short ones) and surround them with any descriptive text/thoughts.

Finally, you have no marked scene changes in this entire chapter. Put in some line breaks or something similar to let your readers process what they just read before they go on to the next scene / location / point of view change in the chapter. Sure, this was a relatively short chapter, but it always helps to break up text with scene changes. Especially when this whole chapter essentially only had two conversations and lot of descriptive summary text in it.
7/16/2013 c7 PurpleBullet
I LOVE THIS STORY. I can't wait until you post the next chapter.
7/16/2013 c7 blackcallalily
Awesome! love the story! hope you update soon! If I can make one suggestion? Maybe do a line and tell us who's point of view your in? It feels a little scattered...not that the story isn't awesome! just a little hard to keep up with.
133 « Prev Page 1 .. 2 3 4 5 6 7 .. Last Next »

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service