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for Harry Potter and the Quidditch Adoption

7/13/2013 c7 LuckyCat1
cant wait for molly, percy, ron and ginny to be arrested. you should do a side fic that shows snape and dumbledores afterlife and how lily will react. why do people actually like snape? i see no redeeming qualities in canon snape and i highly doubt that lily would have automatically forgiven snape like so many snape in the afterlife fics.
7/12/2013 c7 2hillia
Overall the concept of this story is interesting and relatively new, and I will read it till completion. It is good to read a story which is well sritten and generally with good grammar and spelling.

However, there are a lot of problems with a) what seem to be jumps in the timeline, b) events/points being brought up and then seemingly forgotten about, thus leaving loose ends, c) something suddenly happening for which there has been no prior suggestion or explanation (Andromeda?) and d) apparent contradictions in the story, for example in this chapter you say Percy didn't know about the elves dosing Harry and that it was Ginny getting them to do so, but earlier you had Molly getting Percy to take potions to school?

One of the key points of good writing is to 'show, not tell' and so there should be more scenes of conversations showing the events, rather than plain explanation. For example in this chapter, you could actually write the conversation between Harry and Hermione after the trip.

Another thing which might help is to put in some form of line break between scene/POV changes.

This is meant to be helpful rather than destructive. As I said I will read to the end since it is a relatively new concept and overall I am enjoying it.
7/12/2013 c7 Cassandra30
Good for everybody!
7/11/2013 c7 Hericus C
There is two conflicting statements in this chapter:
"...As Angelina was laying out her marching orders to the rest of the team plus Hermione, McGonagall and Flitwick were doing everything in their power not to break down in laughter at the horrified and distraught look on Harry's face..."

"... Hermione put the book she was reading down and focused her attention on Harry, hoping to learn what happened on his shopping trip. Hermione, horrified that she had missed the signs of his abuse at the hands of his relatives, had been invited to join the shopping trip but given the amount of school work she had to work on it wasn't feasible for her to come along with the trip..."

I know Hermione has a time turner but that wouldn't have made her forget that she had gone shopping and was studying at the same time. So which one did she really do? Why have an excited Hermione drag Harry away from McG to the Chases to schedule a shopping trip and then not have her go? That part and being in Hogsmeade needs to go or get rid of the scene between the two tired teens which truthfully didn't really fit well into the chapter.
7/11/2013 c7 mizzrazz72
Molly, Peter and Ginny makes me sick. Why haven't they been arrested.
7/11/2013 c7 1lilyflower50
hope so can not wait
7/11/2013 c7 Arashi - IV of VI
Amazing! :D
Loved it!

Oooh. All of Molly's plans will fail, huh?
That's awesome. :3
7/11/2013 c7 magitech

Poor Harry, clothes shopping with a bunch of girls eeck!

I do have to question the idea of getting the elves of Hogwarts to dose Harry, somehow I seriously doubt they would put an unknown potion into any students drink or food on the request of another student.
In fact I think their first actions would be to inform the Headmaster and the target student's head of house, after all that harmless potion could be deadly, well I see love potions in that category.
If it was so easy that a second year could convince the elves, I can easily see most muggle born dying every year due to pure bloods slipping them poison.
7/11/2013 c7 28Kairan1979
Thanks for the update.
It was funny to read how uncomfortable Harry was during the shopping trip.
P.S. I never understood how the family as poor as Weasleys can waste money on the trip to Egypt.
7/11/2013 c7 mmat
who is Harry going to be with
7/6/2013 c6 Cassandra30
6/26/2013 c6 Kairan1979
Glad to see Penny woke up and saw the true face of Percy Weasley.
I'm afraid McGonnagal is five years too late with her reassurances - Harry has very good reasons not to trust her.
The demise of Voldy was EPIC!
6/24/2013 c6 6AJ Granger
I've read all the way through this flick, and my main feeling is confusion. I like the premise that the Quidditch team has decided to do something to help Harry. However, the story jumps around a bit too much to follow easily, and the only thing I've seen that they did was talk to McGonagall, Harry, and Gringotts. I realize this has started other things happening, but some weren't explained very well. For example, I was wondering what was going on with Andromeda Tonks, and then there was a partial explanation of why she was suddenly there.

It would have been nice to see Snape in a classroom under the new restrictions. And why is McGonagall suddenly reining in Hermione. I agree that it needs to be done, but really, this came from out of the blue.

I think the story has potential, but it needs some clarity.
6/21/2013 c6 13To the TARDIS
Epic way to get rid of Riddle, and Lily is freaking AWESOME
6/21/2013 c5 To the TARDIS
:D Awesome. I wondered why Harry didn't just own up in the books and buy another Nimbus, and I think this version is better.
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