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for Before the Rise

7/24/2013 c2 1DarkBrooks
This is really good!
6/18/2013 c1 6GoldCleaver
Are you a fan of Avatar: The Last Airbender? I can assume due to your character's name.
6/18/2013 c2 3Sutosa
So I'm guessing you're going to introduce a new race ti Middle-Earth since you're talking about a 'change' they can make? I'd be very interested to hear more about this race ;)
6/18/2013 c1 Sutosa
I'm very interested what you have planned for this princess :) I like that you're building their sibling relationship. Remember that their parents just died, though, in order to not make them too carefree ;)

You've chosen a difficult form to write in - first person - and it can easily make your sentences a bit choppy, like a telegram. (Does that make sense?) It also makes it very difficult to vary the starting words of each sentence so they don't all start with 'I'. A good rule of thumb is to always check first and last words in the sentences and make sure you vary them ;)

I'd love to read more, and please know that I in no way mean to discourage you from writing with all my nitpicking! ;)

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