for New Kid V28/17/2013 c1 
1RedGamer101
Alright, I'm going to be honest with you 'cause only the truth can teach you. I'm no expert but I'm a huge RV fan so I want to help.
Yes this revamp is an improvement from your first, but it's still rough around the edges, like the repeating of events in the same paragraph. "However what happened next was not the outcome..." and " But what happened next was something neither of them..." I was left sitting there to think it out correctly. But that can be fixed with some use of different words.
I like that you give plenty of details. Though some points seemed rushed. Misspelling is normal so that's not to bad.
I love you OC!
You've improved since the first so I'm going to follow to see your progress. This story has a lot of potential and I have faith that you can do great.
don't let those who can't appreciate the art of OCs make you discontinue. In this world you must be able to take criticism... And let fools speak their mind for they can't see what we see.(I'm an OC writer myself.)
Good luck and don't give up! OCs Rule!
"Wait, Your a girl?!" HaHaHa!
1RedGamer101Alright, I'm going to be honest with you 'cause only the truth can teach you. I'm no expert but I'm a huge RV fan so I want to help.
Yes this revamp is an improvement from your first, but it's still rough around the edges, like the repeating of events in the same paragraph. "However what happened next was not the outcome..." and " But what happened next was something neither of them..." I was left sitting there to think it out correctly. But that can be fixed with some use of different words.
I like that you give plenty of details. Though some points seemed rushed. Misspelling is normal so that's not to bad.
I love you OC!
You've improved since the first so I'm going to follow to see your progress. This story has a lot of potential and I have faith that you can do great.
don't let those who can't appreciate the art of OCs make you discontinue. In this world you must be able to take criticism... And let fools speak their mind for they can't see what we see.(I'm an OC writer myself.)
Good luck and don't give up! OCs Rule!
"Wait, Your a girl?!" HaHaHa!
6/3/2013 c1 Guest
Dont listen to them i like it please continue
Dont listen to them i like it please continue
4/3/2013 c1 Arutaisia123
Sorry, I commented on the wrong story. This one is just bad.
Sorry, I commented on the wrong story. This one is just bad.
4/2/2013 c1 Arutaisia123
it was very good, and I want to read more.
it was very good, and I want to read more.
4/1/2013 c1 Guest
So let me get this straight...your oc is some kind of nazi, metal eating butch lesbian? Like the other reviewer said if this is your idea of a better re-write...how bad was the original.
So let me get this straight...your oc is some kind of nazi, metal eating butch lesbian? Like the other reviewer said if this is your idea of a better re-write...how bad was the original.
3/31/2013 c1 TheRightWayAgain
I'll bet it was just as crappy back in 2011 as it is now. Yet another remove Tsukune and replace him with your OC. It took you two years to come up with the same ole copy and paste the Rosario canon?
I'll bet it was just as crappy back in 2011 as it is now. Yet another remove Tsukune and replace him with your OC. It took you two years to come up with the same ole copy and paste the Rosario canon?