for The Wheel that Breaks the Butterfly6/3/2013 c4 
6Rayven49
This was like a breath of fresh air. A happy childhood finally! I like the line about James being positively ruined, and since that's probably true, no wonder it took him so long to become a person worthy of Lily's attention.
Charlus and Dorea's meeting is also interesting. I had forgotten that James and Sirius were, in some way, related. And yet they'd never met because of Charlus's beliefs. Fascinating.
Nice beginnings for all :)
Yours,
Rayven
6Rayven49This was like a breath of fresh air. A happy childhood finally! I like the line about James being positively ruined, and since that's probably true, no wonder it took him so long to become a person worthy of Lily's attention.
Charlus and Dorea's meeting is also interesting. I had forgotten that James and Sirius were, in some way, related. And yet they'd never met because of Charlus's beliefs. Fascinating.
Nice beginnings for all :)
Yours,
Rayven
6/3/2013 c3 Rayven49
Ack this one may be the saddest so far, because Remus had the closest thing to a normal childhood and still got screwed over. As always, I love Remus's mother. She's just such a spitfire.
The tricks he pulls on the Sister are awesome. A spark of Remus's sly abilities even before he meets the Marauders.
I wonder what would have happened if he'd sat in the compartment with James that first day? Interesting.
The muffin bit about being sick rather than sorry was terrible. Heartrending. I'm so glad I know that he makes friends in the end.
You tell these stories so delicately and kindly, even if they're sad. Nice job!
Yours,
Rayven
Ack this one may be the saddest so far, because Remus had the closest thing to a normal childhood and still got screwed over. As always, I love Remus's mother. She's just such a spitfire.
The tricks he pulls on the Sister are awesome. A spark of Remus's sly abilities even before he meets the Marauders.
I wonder what would have happened if he'd sat in the compartment with James that first day? Interesting.
The muffin bit about being sick rather than sorry was terrible. Heartrending. I'm so glad I know that he makes friends in the end.
You tell these stories so delicately and kindly, even if they're sad. Nice job!
Yours,
Rayven
6/3/2013 c2 Rayven49
What a horribly depressing childhood oy. Peter's dad makes me so angry, and Peter's aunt, too. I know Peter's mum doesn't want Peter to resent it, but I still think Peter has every right.
I like the bit where Peter feels real love from someone, especially because it's someone who has no obligation to love him. That's lovely.
I also like his thoughts about Hufflepuff. I never considered Peter to have much spine (until he dies, that is), but here I can see the beginnings of it even before he went to Hogwarts, which I think is cool. Makes his decision at the end of his life more understandable.
Yours,
Rayven
What a horribly depressing childhood oy. Peter's dad makes me so angry, and Peter's aunt, too. I know Peter's mum doesn't want Peter to resent it, but I still think Peter has every right.
I like the bit where Peter feels real love from someone, especially because it's someone who has no obligation to love him. That's lovely.
I also like his thoughts about Hufflepuff. I never considered Peter to have much spine (until he dies, that is), but here I can see the beginnings of it even before he went to Hogwarts, which I think is cool. Makes his decision at the end of his life more understandable.
Yours,
Rayven
6/3/2013 c1 Rayven49
I never considered Sirius's mother. She's quite interesting when written this way. You mention that her husband sleeps in a different room...is this to throw doubt on Sirius and Regulus's legitimacy, or just a side note because for a while she was hysterical and not carrying to full term?
The Muggle Baiting scene is awful, in a good way. It's accurate, displays the cruelty in a way not really discussed in Rowling's story.
Interesting chapter!
Yours,
Rayven
I never considered Sirius's mother. She's quite interesting when written this way. You mention that her husband sleeps in a different room...is this to throw doubt on Sirius and Regulus's legitimacy, or just a side note because for a while she was hysterical and not carrying to full term?
The Muggle Baiting scene is awful, in a good way. It's accurate, displays the cruelty in a way not really discussed in Rowling's story.
Interesting chapter!
Yours,
Rayven
5/14/2013 c4 Birds on the Sunset
Really, really good. James is cool. I really enjoyed the way you described him. Like you said he was spoilt by his parents, you didn't dance over it. Good job. I love learning about all the marauders lives. You should do lily as well.
Really, really good. James is cool. I really enjoyed the way you described him. Like you said he was spoilt by his parents, you didn't dance over it. Good job. I love learning about all the marauders lives. You should do lily as well.
5/8/2013 c4 17Snarky64
Of course James is ruined, but at this stage, he's just a boy, hopeful of making friends just like any other 11 year old. I like the little summary at the end too. (Little mini-beta for the first summary para. "... rowdy first-years who sat with him," not "with he,".)
As usual, beautifully done.
17Snarky64Of course James is ruined, but at this stage, he's just a boy, hopeful of making friends just like any other 11 year old. I like the little summary at the end too. (Little mini-beta for the first summary para. "... rowdy first-years who sat with him," not "with he,".)
As usual, beautifully done.
5/8/2013 c4 11Padfoot24601
N'awww!
Sorry, James is just too damn sweet.
"James knows he's the only one of them with any hope at all."
I reiterate - n'awww!
Continuing with my seeming obsession with the speed at which children mature I love that James gets to enjoy his childhood. The way you write him makes his death seem almost expected, because of course he would die for love.
I really like the way you've drawn little parallels between each of their lives and also that James and Remus, who have been shown the most affection, end up the least emotionally damaged. I like to think that it was James and Remus' care for Sirius that helped him to love Harry so much.
Glad to know I'm not the only one ho is convinced that Charlus and Dorea are James' parents. Enjoyed the little exchange between Sirius and James a lot, too.
Have a nice day.
Jaffa :)
11Padfoot24601N'awww!
Sorry, James is just too damn sweet.
"James knows he's the only one of them with any hope at all."
I reiterate - n'awww!
Continuing with my seeming obsession with the speed at which children mature I love that James gets to enjoy his childhood. The way you write him makes his death seem almost expected, because of course he would die for love.
I really like the way you've drawn little parallels between each of their lives and also that James and Remus, who have been shown the most affection, end up the least emotionally damaged. I like to think that it was James and Remus' care for Sirius that helped him to love Harry so much.
Glad to know I'm not the only one ho is convinced that Charlus and Dorea are James' parents. Enjoyed the little exchange between Sirius and James a lot, too.
Have a nice day.
Jaffa :)
5/8/2013 c3 Padfoot24601
More children who grew up too soon! Slightly scared that Emma was only a year older than me hen she fell pregnant.
Remus' life is such a contrast to the previous two that even though something terrible terrible happened to him he still gets to be a child, to have someone to hero worship.
Somehow I think that Remus is the easiest to relate to so far, I think it's the social awkwardness that does it for me. Where Peter and Sirius were never given enough affection to care and James was too spoilt to give a one, Remus is just...well...Remus.
"...would rather feel sick than sorry."
Had to struggle not to cry there.
"'...if you're not a Ravenclaw, we'll rent your bedroom out.'"
Hahaha!
Jaffa :)
More children who grew up too soon! Slightly scared that Emma was only a year older than me hen she fell pregnant.
Remus' life is such a contrast to the previous two that even though something terrible terrible happened to him he still gets to be a child, to have someone to hero worship.
Somehow I think that Remus is the easiest to relate to so far, I think it's the social awkwardness that does it for me. Where Peter and Sirius were never given enough affection to care and James was too spoilt to give a one, Remus is just...well...Remus.
"...would rather feel sick than sorry."
Had to struggle not to cry there.
"'...if you're not a Ravenclaw, we'll rent your bedroom out.'"
Hahaha!
Jaffa :)
5/8/2013 c2 Padfoot24601
I'll be honest - I love it again!
I'll try not to gush too much. The indifference and apathy that Peter slowly begins to show as a child is heartbreaking and is a complete world away from Sirius who still manages to stay compassionate despite his lack of childhood. I imagine that led to a lot of bust-ups later on.
"No-one has ever looked at him like that before."
Something about that line just slays me!
Awesome, original backstory.
Jaffa :)
I'll be honest - I love it again!
I'll try not to gush too much. The indifference and apathy that Peter slowly begins to show as a child is heartbreaking and is a complete world away from Sirius who still manages to stay compassionate despite his lack of childhood. I imagine that led to a lot of bust-ups later on.
"No-one has ever looked at him like that before."
Something about that line just slays me!
Awesome, original backstory.
Jaffa :)
5/8/2013 c1 Padfoot24601
Sorry, I've been meaning to review this for ages.
Agh - I just didn't want this chapter to end!
Seriously, it's awesome. All of it. I just adore you're characterisation of Walburga as someone who almost doesn't understand love.
"he never tells her that he loves her, and she can't understand why."
I really love that line! The way a simple emotion seems to baffle her and almost seems like the only thing she can't make sense of. All of this works to shape Sirius into the man he became and really emphasises why James meant so much to him and why his death unhinged him so. Perhaps any childish behaviour later on in life as to make up for the lack of it in early life.
Have to read this again now!
Jaffa :)
Sorry, I've been meaning to review this for ages.
Agh - I just didn't want this chapter to end!
Seriously, it's awesome. All of it. I just adore you're characterisation of Walburga as someone who almost doesn't understand love.
"he never tells her that he loves her, and she can't understand why."
I really love that line! The way a simple emotion seems to baffle her and almost seems like the only thing she can't make sense of. All of this works to shape Sirius into the man he became and really emphasises why James meant so much to him and why his death unhinged him so. Perhaps any childish behaviour later on in life as to make up for the lack of it in early life.
Have to read this again now!
Jaffa :)
4/30/2013 c4 IndigoDragonRider
This is really great. I've always imagined James to be totally spoiled.
This is really great. I've always imagined James to be totally spoiled.