for RyoSaku Love forever5/8/2020 c1 Alma
Por favor actualiza que deceo saber que pasara en la escuela con ryoma
Por favor actualiza que deceo saber que pasara en la escuela con ryoma
6/14/2018 c1 Wind of SilentBell
A very interesting chapter. How will Ryoma behave when he sees Ryuzaki in school after waking up to a wet dream.
Please continue the story for Ryosaku lovers' sake.
I'm looking forward to it.
A very interesting chapter. How will Ryoma behave when he sees Ryuzaki in school after waking up to a wet dream.
Please continue the story for Ryosaku lovers' sake.
I'm looking forward to it.
7/7/2015 c1 
55Wintry Leen
I do understand the need to put your idea down on paper and I'm glad you acted on it. That's the first and the most important step to your writing journey. I just have some pointers to give you:
1. Change the title. Your current title is very generic and I'm sure you can be more creative in thinking up a new one.
2. Put some more effort in describing your setting because it helps sustain your reader's interest.
3. As this is formal writing, pay attention to proper capitalization and usage of punctuation marks. It will greatly help the readers to follow your train of thought; otherwise, your writing will appear sloppy, thus, diminishing the intended effect of your work. Also, refrain from using shortcuts in your narration unless those shortcuts are part of dialogues, showcasing the personality of the character speaking.
Writing is a craft and requires a great amount of effort. If you're serious about writing -I think you are because you want to improve - first step is to begin, and second is to always do your best.
Happy writing!
55Wintry LeenI do understand the need to put your idea down on paper and I'm glad you acted on it. That's the first and the most important step to your writing journey. I just have some pointers to give you:
1. Change the title. Your current title is very generic and I'm sure you can be more creative in thinking up a new one.
2. Put some more effort in describing your setting because it helps sustain your reader's interest.
3. As this is formal writing, pay attention to proper capitalization and usage of punctuation marks. It will greatly help the readers to follow your train of thought; otherwise, your writing will appear sloppy, thus, diminishing the intended effect of your work. Also, refrain from using shortcuts in your narration unless those shortcuts are part of dialogues, showcasing the personality of the character speaking.
Writing is a craft and requires a great amount of effort. If you're serious about writing -I think you are because you want to improve - first step is to begin, and second is to always do your best.
Happy writing!
5/25/2014 c1 Guest
Update!
Update!
4/18/2014 c1 Ryosaku 3
wahh.. I really like it.. Its fantastic
wahh.. I really like it.. Its fantastic
4/3/2014 c1 5rats xp
i think your english is pretty good and the only problem i saw was that you get the verb tense (past tense, present tense, etc) wrong sometimes, but even people who speak english as a first language have some trouble with that :)
anyway, i hope you are able to update this story again soon because i really do like it :D
5rats xpi think your english is pretty good and the only problem i saw was that you get the verb tense (past tense, present tense, etc) wrong sometimes, but even people who speak english as a first language have some trouble with that :)
anyway, i hope you are able to update this story again soon because i really do like it :D
8/5/2013 c1 Delete Me Forever 3333333
This is a lovely start (although if you ended it here, we could just wonder how in sync their dreams really are) and I think the- almost!- wet dream was perfect for him at his age. Love that he blames his dad's pervertedness and I hope that he continues to do so until he can finally accept that he _is_ growing up.
This is a lovely start (although if you ended it here, we could just wonder how in sync their dreams really are) and I think the- almost!- wet dream was perfect for him at his age. Love that he blames his dad's pervertedness and I hope that he continues to do so until he can finally accept that he _is_ growing up.
7/22/2013 c1 michelle88222
There are a couple of grammar mistakes such as 'woke' should be 'wake' but it's a nice start. Also make sure that you also should make sure that you're spelling the Japanese terminology right such as 'mitte' should be 'matte' but other than that I really do think that this is a really good start. Hey we all make mistakes and I'm already interested in the story . Keep on updating! :D :D :D
There are a couple of grammar mistakes such as 'woke' should be 'wake' but it's a nice start. Also make sure that you also should make sure that you're spelling the Japanese terminology right such as 'mitte' should be 'matte' but other than that I really do think that this is a really good start. Hey we all make mistakes and I'm already interested in the story . Keep on updating! :D :D :D
5/23/2013 c1 56MitsukiJunko
Hi... sorry that I only reviewed just now...
did I surprise you?
Well... I am really fond of Lemons but I think I can read some and yours is not that bad...
I can read the writing style of it... and it's pretty good.
Well... this is good for a start...
I want to know what Sakuno will give to Ryoma on his birthday...
I'll be waiting for your next chapter... _
56MitsukiJunkoHi... sorry that I only reviewed just now...
did I surprise you?
Well... I am really fond of Lemons but I think I can read some and yours is not that bad...
I can read the writing style of it... and it's pretty good.
Well... this is good for a start...
I want to know what Sakuno will give to Ryoma on his birthday...
I'll be waiting for your next chapter... _
4/8/2013 c1 1CherriDeulle
I hereby approve. "...but his request only fall on deaf ears."-fall should have been fell. Otherwise, pretty good ahaha xD
1CherriDeulleI hereby approve. "...but his request only fall on deaf ears."-fall should have been fell. Otherwise, pretty good ahaha xD
4/6/2013 c1 yuhizael
good starting. update soon.
good starting. update soon.
4/5/2013 c1 Zuly
Haha awesome lmao!:) but a quick tip try to keep Ryoma in his character as possible, it seems yu put too much dialogue in his thoughts :) other than that you're doing great! XD keep it up bro I'm adding this to my favorites :D
Haha awesome lmao!:) but a quick tip try to keep Ryoma in his character as possible, it seems yu put too much dialogue in his thoughts :) other than that you're doing great! XD keep it up bro I'm adding this to my favorites :D
4/3/2013 c1 Oliviaaaox101
I really like it so far! Please update soon I cant wait to see what happens!
I really like it so far! Please update soon I cant wait to see what happens!