for Love can either conquer or destoy5/20/2013 c1 Lls
Kaito such a crybaby where meiko? I want to know where she is
Kaito such a crybaby where meiko? I want to know where she is
5/18/2013 c6 
1IA-K1002
Hiiiiii Candy(sorry if you don't like being candy for short)
first this chapter was really romantic and somehow sad and happy the same time.
I loved it veryveryveryveryvery much!
and I really hope you keep on going and I have a little request can you put IA in this story? there's no special reason it's just that she's my fav and if not then that. doesn't. matter. I mean don't thin I'll get sad or something and please update fast :D :D
IA-K1002
1IA-K1002Hiiiiii Candy(sorry if you don't like being candy for short)
first this chapter was really romantic and somehow sad and happy the same time.
I loved it veryveryveryveryvery much!
and I really hope you keep on going and I have a little request can you put IA in this story? there's no special reason it's just that she's my fav and if not then that. doesn't. matter. I mean don't thin I'll get sad or something and please update fast :D :D
IA-K1002
5/8/2013 c6 61MizuneMinamiki
Sorry I took so long!D: But I'm still here, still reading!(:
I swear, I see Piko's name and instantly start fangirling. XD Hehe Tei just irritates me more and more, the more I read about her.
Lol, when Rinto was explaining what happened at her house, I was expecting something different. (Apparently, I'm a perv...) Lol, Tei, the stalker!
Criticism: Be careful with repetition. [Piko pointed to Lenka and I turned around to look at Lenka.] Instead of using 'Lenka' twice, use the pronoun 'her'. "Piko pointed to Lenka and I turned around to look at her."
Wow. Wasn't expecting that turn of events. Good thing Rinto got to her before it was too late! I do think that it happened just a tad bit too quickly, but it was still great! I felt all the emotions of that...*sniffles*
["Your shirt smells like oranges."
"Your hair smells like bananas."] This was adorable. XD
See you next chapter!
(:Mizune
61MizuneMinamikiSorry I took so long!D: But I'm still here, still reading!(:
I swear, I see Piko's name and instantly start fangirling. XD Hehe Tei just irritates me more and more, the more I read about her.
Lol, when Rinto was explaining what happened at her house, I was expecting something different. (Apparently, I'm a perv...) Lol, Tei, the stalker!
Criticism: Be careful with repetition. [Piko pointed to Lenka and I turned around to look at Lenka.] Instead of using 'Lenka' twice, use the pronoun 'her'. "Piko pointed to Lenka and I turned around to look at her."
Wow. Wasn't expecting that turn of events. Good thing Rinto got to her before it was too late! I do think that it happened just a tad bit too quickly, but it was still great! I felt all the emotions of that...*sniffles*
["Your shirt smells like oranges."
"Your hair smells like bananas."] This was adorable. XD
See you next chapter!
(:Mizune
5/7/2013 c6 4baecomalfoy
Awesome! That was adorable! Rinto is so sweet!
...
I wish I could meet someone like that... WELP! Maybe Next time! Life said. Oh well.. It was still cute though!
4baecomalfoyAwesome! That was adorable! Rinto is so sweet!
...
I wish I could meet someone like that... WELP! Maybe Next time! Life said. Oh well.. It was still cute though!
4/24/2013 c5 Chr0ma
There are grammatical errors in this chapter, you should revise before you post. Also, this storyline type is overused, which is perfectly fine for a fanfic but you should add in your own element, unless its a songfic or something.
Oh, cool, Kaito meets his long lost siblings? How do they know eachother? How is everyone acting so normally? You should put this in real circumstances so the reader understands why everyone is acting the way they are. I don't think that people would start class normally when there's two people crying in the room. Also, if they were separated, when?
If you insert author notes, I don't think you should do it right in the muddle if the story, it ruins the reader's attention to the story. Make side notes or something.
Wait, Lenka is flat? I thought she had boobs...
Wait never mind, that's Rin. Isn't Tei officially Len's stalker?
Somewhere in the chapter Rin and Tei have a butch fight, but you should try to weave the dialog in with the story because the reader may get confused like me. When did Rin get so strong? I thought that she was weak so Miku and Luka protected her.
There are too many time skips for my liking.
How does everyone just return to normal after things that are not considered daily activities? For example, Rin and tei have a bitch fight and after that, their all normal.
How is Rin so weak against neru when she just kicked tei's ass?
You need to make sure the story is natural, especially if it is realistic fiction, or else everything is confusing.
Good luck on your goal!
There are grammatical errors in this chapter, you should revise before you post. Also, this storyline type is overused, which is perfectly fine for a fanfic but you should add in your own element, unless its a songfic or something.
Oh, cool, Kaito meets his long lost siblings? How do they know eachother? How is everyone acting so normally? You should put this in real circumstances so the reader understands why everyone is acting the way they are. I don't think that people would start class normally when there's two people crying in the room. Also, if they were separated, when?
If you insert author notes, I don't think you should do it right in the muddle if the story, it ruins the reader's attention to the story. Make side notes or something.
Wait, Lenka is flat? I thought she had boobs...
Wait never mind, that's Rin. Isn't Tei officially Len's stalker?
Somewhere in the chapter Rin and Tei have a butch fight, but you should try to weave the dialog in with the story because the reader may get confused like me. When did Rin get so strong? I thought that she was weak so Miku and Luka protected her.
There are too many time skips for my liking.
How does everyone just return to normal after things that are not considered daily activities? For example, Rin and tei have a bitch fight and after that, their all normal.
How is Rin so weak against neru when she just kicked tei's ass?
You need to make sure the story is natural, especially if it is realistic fiction, or else everything is confusing.
Good luck on your goal!
4/24/2013 c5 1IA-K1002
Hi candybear24 :D
First YOUR STORY AND CHAPTERS ALL ROCK :D the reason is that you described happiness, sadness, comedy and these stuff all better than they should be which made them AWESOME! and by the way I have 2 things to say first thing is : If you want there are other yandere females such as Mayu, and second thing is : Poor Rin I really felt sad for her that it was almost gonna make me cry for her :'(.
Anyway I can't wait until your next update
IA-K1002
1IA-K1002Hi candybear24 :D
First YOUR STORY AND CHAPTERS ALL ROCK :D the reason is that you described happiness, sadness, comedy and these stuff all better than they should be which made them AWESOME! and by the way I have 2 things to say first thing is : If you want there are other yandere females such as Mayu, and second thing is : Poor Rin I really felt sad for her that it was almost gonna make me cry for her :'(.
Anyway I can't wait until your next update
IA-K1002
4/24/2013 c5 61MizuneMinamiki
*fangirl squeal* I just saw that Piko's in the story!:D
So, wow. They're all connected in some way! That's pretty interesting! And for some reason, when Rinto said "Let's take a trip down memory lane..." I thought of Piko and him...literally...tripping down 'memory lane.' Lol, I'm so weird. XD
Gah! Tei! You make me want to freaking shove you into a blender! Everyone...EVERYONE...makes her a snot-nosed brat, and I just hate her! What a b***! Almost as bad as Neru!
Hah X3 Love Rin's argument with Tei. That made me crack up. XD
Aww...Neru and Tei are together now...and Neru's words...and Rin's pleas for her mother or Miku...I want to cry now... XD Good job. *thumbs up* I'll be waiting for the next update.
(:Mizune
61MizuneMinamiki*fangirl squeal* I just saw that Piko's in the story!:D
So, wow. They're all connected in some way! That's pretty interesting! And for some reason, when Rinto said "Let's take a trip down memory lane..." I thought of Piko and him...literally...tripping down 'memory lane.' Lol, I'm so weird. XD
Gah! Tei! You make me want to freaking shove you into a blender! Everyone...EVERYONE...makes her a snot-nosed brat, and I just hate her! What a b***! Almost as bad as Neru!
Hah X3 Love Rin's argument with Tei. That made me crack up. XD
Aww...Neru and Tei are together now...and Neru's words...and Rin's pleas for her mother or Miku...I want to cry now... XD Good job. *thumbs up* I'll be waiting for the next update.
(:Mizune
4/14/2013 c4 4baecomalfoy
I AM SO ANGRY ABOUT WHAT... NERU JUST.. OMG! IM GONNA.. I want to.. .F*CK YOU NERU!
4baecomalfoyI AM SO ANGRY ABOUT WHAT... NERU JUST.. OMG! IM GONNA.. I want to.. .F*CK YOU NERU!
4/13/2013 c4 61MizuneMinamiki
GRRR! BaKagamine! Len, you fool! One does not simply trust a random girl...Especially if that girl is the b*****, Neru.
So...Wow. Intense? I think yes. I look forward to seeing what else goes down between Neru and Rin. If Neru is so good at being such a freaking conartist, how will Rin be able to make people believe her instead of that cellphone loving brat?
Anywhoozles (heh. My iPod now recognizes that as a word.)...I see the improvement, even more as the chapters progress!:DD
Um...what else to say...? Oh... Yea...NERU NEEDS TO ATAY AWAY FROM LEN! Imagine how bad Rin's hurting...Neru must not have a soul.
Wait. Of course she doesn't. Pfft. Duh.
I look forward to more!
(:Mizune
61MizuneMinamikiGRRR! BaKagamine! Len, you fool! One does not simply trust a random girl...Especially if that girl is the b*****, Neru.
So...Wow. Intense? I think yes. I look forward to seeing what else goes down between Neru and Rin. If Neru is so good at being such a freaking conartist, how will Rin be able to make people believe her instead of that cellphone loving brat?
Anywhoozles (heh. My iPod now recognizes that as a word.)...I see the improvement, even more as the chapters progress!:DD
Um...what else to say...? Oh... Yea...NERU NEEDS TO ATAY AWAY FROM LEN! Imagine how bad Rin's hurting...Neru must not have a soul.
Wait. Of course she doesn't. Pfft. Duh.
I look forward to more!
(:Mizune
4/13/2013 c4 17Jessi-chan9867
LEN, YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT! BAKA! ARGH! *starts punching Len*
Len: SOMEONE GET THIS CRAZY GIRL OFF OF ME!
NOT TILL YOU APOLOGIZE, MORON! OTHERWISE, I'M GOING PSYCHO ON YOU!
Len: You wouldn't dare...
Test me. Hey, Tei! Can you give me your sharpest knife? Gotta commit a couple murders...
Len: A couple?!
Neru's on my "To Kill" list, too. TEI, KNIFE!
Tei: HERE! *gives me knife*
MWAHAHAHAHA! *chases Len and Neru with knife*
Rin: You'll have to excuse Jessi-chan. She's not herself today...
GET OVER HERE, MAGGOTS SO I CAN TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!
Rin: ." She want you to know you're doing an excellent job with the story and that you update soon!
17Jessi-chan9867LEN, YOU'RE SUCH AN IDIOT! BAKA! ARGH! *starts punching Len*
Len: SOMEONE GET THIS CRAZY GIRL OFF OF ME!
NOT TILL YOU APOLOGIZE, MORON! OTHERWISE, I'M GOING PSYCHO ON YOU!
Len: You wouldn't dare...
Test me. Hey, Tei! Can you give me your sharpest knife? Gotta commit a couple murders...
Len: A couple?!
Neru's on my "To Kill" list, too. TEI, KNIFE!
Tei: HERE! *gives me knife*
MWAHAHAHAHA! *chases Len and Neru with knife*
Rin: You'll have to excuse Jessi-chan. She's not herself today...
GET OVER HERE, MAGGOTS SO I CAN TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB!
Rin: ." She want you to know you're doing an excellent job with the story and that you update soon!