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7/17/2021 c55 astroe091
I just finished rereading the story and it's still so fucking good. And I know others complain about Valerie's character, but I actually think it was though through : the fights, the interactions... They were enjoyable. Mind you, I read this story for the first time in 2017 and I think it still holds out strong, even more so now with the latest chapters. I truly believe that Valerie's gonna get a lot more character development in the next few chapters. It is basically her "family arc".
In other words this fanfic is amazing and it held against the test of time... At least for me. True, there might be small typos here and there, but they're not bad enough to stop me from enjoying this story.
4/13/2021 c55 Guest
Hey u there, when u gonna updated it's been 4 years
9/22/2018 c55 6DragonNutt
Aww, man! Just when things were getting interesting! I hope you plan on updating this fic someday; I have many thoughts about it.

First of all, I'm really interested in where you're going with the Valerie family subplot. You have one specific theme set up: lots and lots of murder. Her grandparents murdered her mom, her dad murdered her grandparents, and while Eric's murder of that one random guy may have been an accident, he is disturbingly nonchalant about it. (I don't know about you, but if I accidentally killed a guy, I would be traumatized for life, not shrugging it off like, "Eh, shit happens.") Not only that, but Valerie is weirdly fascinated by murder. She knows lots of details about famous killers, and her first thought about the power of sound is how "no one can hear you scream." Crime and murder are specific interests of hers that keep coming back, so I know it must have been intentional. Basically, you seemed to be setting her up to be an utterly terrifying villain once Chase Young makes his move.

Speaking of Chase Young, your changes to him have been really subtle and completely compliant with his canon personality. He is a master manipulator. In canon, Omi values honor, integrity, and martial arts. While manipulating Omi, Chase Young kept his word, never cheated, and taught him Repulse the Monkey. (The fact that he ultimately tricks Omi into abandoning his good chi and then coerces him into swearing his loyalty proves that Chase Young himself does not value honor or integrity at all; it was all a facade to win Omi's trust.) Meanwhile, in this fic, Chase Young does not waste time with that around Valerie. Instead he spends the whole time repeatedly reminding her how smart she is. Valerie values her own intelligence above everything else, so she eats up all the praise and ends up waxing more poetic about Chase Young in one chapter than she's done about Raimundo for the entire fic.

Let's talk about Valerie herself. She honestly has the potential to be the most genuinely interesting OC in the entire fandom, but probably not for the reasons you were intending. (Since I honestly can't tell, I hope you designed her to be her own character rather than a self insert, or you might take the next few paragraphs rather personally, which is not my intention.) If there is any weakness to your writing style, it is the disconnect between "telling" and "showing." Telling is when you spoon-feed information directly to the readers, and showing is when you let the reader figure things out for themselves. Telling isn't a bad thing unless it counters what the author has shown us so far.

For example, with Valerie, the reader is TOLD that her character flaws are "She's bad at math" and "She's stupidly fearless." The math part is true. When Omi uses his tiger instincts to locate the candy under the cups, Valerie "proves" that his tiger instincts aren't real by using really bad, incorrect statistics. (Short version: the odds of Omi blindly guessing the candy's location three times in a row is 1/27, less than 4%. Even using Valerie's logic, the odds are still 1/6, about 17%.) She IS bad at math. The problem is that no one calls her out on it. In fact, the chapter uses her bad math as evidence that she's SMARTER than Omi, to the point where she takes full credit for guessing that Kimiko is an imposter! ("I hate being right." But you WEREN'T right, Valerie!) Character flaws AREN'T character flaws if they don't cause problems for the character.

As for "stupidly fearless"... Not so much. She is not even the slightest bit fearless. The fact that she likes free-falling does not negate the fact that she spends about two-thirds of the story wangsting about the Sapphire Dragon, a Shen Gong Wu that she can defeat with SOOT. (Why doesn't she keep a plastic bag of ashes in her pocket, if she's so worried?) Not only that, but while I didn't exactly keep count, I'm pretty sure Valerie screams, cries, and/or faints more than all four of the other monks put together. We are TOLD that she is fearless; we are SHOWN that she is far from it.

When it comes to the character flaws you have "shown" us, we have to look at Valerie's actions. We are SHOWN that Valerie is lazy. Obscenely so. While the other monks train, she sits and reads. While the monks use the Dragon X Kumei formation, Valerie stops helping and wanders off to sulk somewhere. While the boys dig through Kimiko's belongings, Valerie is "too tired" to stop them. While the other monks battle Chase Young for Dojo's freedom, she sits back and lets him kick their asses until she can land a cheap shot with Chase's back turned. While the other monks search for the Sands of Time, Valerie putzes around in the temple putting on make-up. When the monks call her to tell her that the Sands of Time are at the temple WHERE SHE CURRENTLY IS, she waits for them to show up instead of getting the Sands of Time herself, leaving Jack to steal it right from under her nose! (And then she blames OMI for it! In fact, the scene implies that Valerie lost the Sands of Time on purpose to spite Omi for not listening to her!)

Speaking of Omi, I'm going to bring up my absolute favorite part of this fic: Omi's and Valerie's rivalry. I honestly LOVED how much these two hated each other, and I was really perplexed when you decided to retcon their relationship in the last chapter. Valerie is constantly putting Omi down for being proud of himself, having tiger instincts, or messing up slang, to the point where she gossips about his language troubles to Eric. (Rude!) Even Raimundo tells her to knock it off at one point, to which Valerie coldly says that Omi needs to start "learning from his mistakes." (Rude!) But what makes it great? Omi fights back! He is constantly sassing Valerie and calling her out on her crap! Most fanfics write Omi like an inept toddler who doesn't know what "pregnant" means, or he's the token who's just there to say [insert bad slang] and [insert sexist comment]. But here? He's an actual competent character, and he never puts up with Valerie's bullshit. When she threw him off of Dojo to prove he had fears, and his response was to triumphantly SMIRK at her? I was CHEERING. I was so ready for these two to have an epic showdown once Chase Young turns Valerie evil, but considering the retcon, I guess that wasn't your goal?

Let me just say that all of Valerie's problems, including her laziness, her know-it-all tendencies, and even her bullying of Omi, are all GOOD THINGS! Valerie is your main character; she NEEDS flaws. Raimundo is selfish and reckless, Kimiko is hot-headed and too proud to admit mistakes, Clay is passive to his father, and Omi has enough hubris to eclipse the sun. Valerie needs to be a flawed person just like the rest of her team, and the fic will thrive if you have a plan to tackle those flaws head-on.

Anyway, this review ended up turning into an academic essay. It's honestly really impressive that you maintained the energy to keep this fic going as long as you did. I know firsthand how hard AU fics are, especially ones that run parallel to canon. I hope you come back someday!
2/15/2018 c55 Guest
I wonder what is going to happen next .its so cool . Good job !
12/26/2017 c55 Guest
I hope you are going to write again . I really enjoy your writing style . Or if you are going to discontinue this story or just end it ,at least say something.
10/8/2017 c55 Guest
I will always wait for the new updates no matter how long they will take to be posted becouse the story is too good not to hope for the new chapters. I'm cheering for you .
7/29/2017 c55 Andreea Catalina Stroe
I hope you will continue writing. You are very good at what you do
3/12/2017 c55 PlasmaCrowned
Kablamo! Boom. Boom. Boom. So many bombs. So much development.
So Valerie is like second-born of four?
This is pretty tragic, especially for Val. Like I can't even imagine what she must be feeling, and Eric being strung along by circumstances not in his control. Matt and Amber's story is like what we don't want to happen, but what is supposed to happen (in the sense of being realistic, not in that's what people deserve) because of the power of the rich in this situation It's not the happy ending where the rich boy was able to be broken out from under the suffocating and rigid system of an aged noble empire by the uninhibited and unchained girl of his dreams. No, Matt just was stuck with the what he'd known all his life, and couldn't even affect an influence on his children to make them lively and free enough for him to be interested in them, everything around him dull. Uh.. sorry about that, I am just writing what I saw and not saying that for sure this is what happened. I'm really interested in how this will move forward.
3/8/2017 c55 3Fantasy-Mania31
Wow. Valerie's really getting on a roller coaster of life there. Seriously, your writing is just friggin superb.
1/15/2017 c54 Guest
I can understand that especially the politics part
1/3/2017 c54 11OMAC001
Nice to hear back from you. I HATE THE LONG SILENCE!
1/2/2017 c47 Guest
I really do like the direction you took with Omi's character by having him redirect his jerkass tendencies toward Valerie instead of Raimundo. Since Raimundo never turned evil, Omi has no reason to distrust him, so any hostility between them wouldn't make sense. However, Valerie decided she didn't like Omi from the minute they met, she flat-out told him his tiger instincts (aka his intuition) aren't real, she thinks he "didn't have one iota of common sense," and overall she has a lot of thinly veiled contempt for him. It's no wonder Omi doesn't like her, either! Their mutual disdain for each other is pretty fascinating, especially since they clearly have the exact same character flaws.

I think you might have missed an opportunity at the start of this chapter though: Omi snarks that their exercise is "a lesson in humility- for Raimundo!" This line seems pretty out-of-place since, again, Omi's quarrel is with Valerie, not Raimundo. (I also think it was a little unfair that when Omi butted into the argument between Jessie and Clay, he got thrown across the room, but when Valerie butted in, there were no consequences at all. Again, it's no wonder Omi doesn't like Valerie.)
1/2/2017 c54 Guest
Looks like the next episode is The Last Temptation of Raimundo, and I'm going to make some predictions to how the chapter will compare: Raimundo will still run off to save his hometown, and Valerie will be the only one who believes his story (even though she supposedly has trust issues, according to your author's notes). The other three monks will still not believe him, even though 1) Raimundo never turned evil in this story and therefore never did anything to earn their distrust, and 2) Valerie has pretty much never been wrong about anything, therefore giving them no reason not to believe HER. Omi will still fall asleep while guarding Raimundo, and Valerie will give Omi a really hard time over his failure. She'll also snark about how Omi's hiding places for the Shen Gong Wu are way too obvious. She'll be the one to prove that Raimundo was telling the truth, not Dojo. She will be in the showdown for Raimundo's freedom, and she'll be the one to snap Raimundo back in control, not the Dragon X Kumei formation.

Or, alternatively, in a far less predictable route: Valerie will NOT believe Raimundo's story. (Though she would need justification; perhaps she caught him in a lie earlier?) The other monks will take her side instead of Raimundo's because, again, Valerie is pretty much never wrong about anything. Dojo will find out the truth himself, and Omi will correctly guess that Raimundo is still fighting on the inside. However, in a twist, Valerie will have her doubts. She will end up the LAST one to believe in Raimundo (again, because of those trust issues you mentioned in the author's notes). When she's proven wrong, her ego will finally take a beating. Her failure to trust in her boyfriend will cause a serious rift between them, and she'll have to actually work in the next several chapters to earn his affection again. However, her ego will hold her back, and the negativity between her and Raimundo will play a factor in her joining Chase Young's side (since the fact that Chase will turn Valerie evil instead of Omi is a deviation I have seen coming from miles away). But honestly, that's just what I would do. You're the writer here, so it will be up to you to determine how long it takes before Valerie's character flaws have any real consequences.
10/26/2016 c1 Wowza03
Please update this story
8/27/2016 c53 Guest
Could you explain the mr Robinson reference? My pop culture understanding if Valerie and omi were real would be better than omi's conidering his lack of knowledge on expressions but still less than Valerie's. When Justen Beiber first became popular I thought his last name was Beaver for a good month
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