for Why4/8/2013 c1 Higuchimon
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I can almost see where you're going with this, but the more I stare at it, the more it just reads wrong, because of one simple fact: Juudai is Haou. Juudai is always Haou. Juudai will always be Haou. It's only a title: the title that he bears as the one who holds the power of the Gentle Darkness. It's not a separate entity or anything of that sort. Juudai isn't the host of it. Juudai has that power. That's the reason why Yubel was transformed, to protect him *because* he had that power.
This reads too much like "Juudai was possessed" and that is just wrong.
The writing style itself is very good, though a spellcheck wouldn't hurt. (It's "bringing", not "brining").
...
I can almost see where you're going with this, but the more I stare at it, the more it just reads wrong, because of one simple fact: Juudai is Haou. Juudai is always Haou. Juudai will always be Haou. It's only a title: the title that he bears as the one who holds the power of the Gentle Darkness. It's not a separate entity or anything of that sort. Juudai isn't the host of it. Juudai has that power. That's the reason why Yubel was transformed, to protect him *because* he had that power.
This reads too much like "Juudai was possessed" and that is just wrong.
The writing style itself is very good, though a spellcheck wouldn't hurt. (It's "bringing", not "brining").
3