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for A Cool, Cool, Considerate Man

10/22/2015 c1 Anonymous
Since you haven't updated this story in years, I assume it's been abandoned, but I still insist on praising it. The writing style is exceedingly smooth, and the language reflects the time period without being too hard to understand. It seems an injustice that this story has so few reviews.
1/29/2014 c1 29Edhla
Nicely written piece which highlights well the conflicting loyalties of a man devoted to his country and his family. For a man of the era John is very devoted to his family, even if that comes out a lot in just feeling guilty... lesser men would not have seen anything wrong in five minutes with their wife/children per day.

I felt that in the introductory paragraphs in particular you sometimes resorted to telling rather than showing how John felt. There was a persistent punctuation error throughout where you used a period/full stop where you should have used a comma, for example, ["... at every opportunity," he drawled,] I noticed a lot of missing commas, and some other punctuation marks here and there ["trespass in with their parents'."]

Some really nice moments later in the piece, like "he lobbed the hateful thing into the hearth" and the image of Polly "knocking skulls together."

Thanks for writing x

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