Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Outsider's Looks

5/30/2016 c10 flight.feather1
Enjoyed the series and wish there was more. Well done!
5/30/2016 c3 flight.feather1
Really liked how you captured Victus' thoughts. Also - if you hadn't mentioned not being a native English speaker, I wouldn't have realized it! You have a nice way with words and write better than many native speakers. Looking forward to the next chapters :)
11/8/2013 c10 19Mordinette
Another great chapter! I really like how you explored Tarquin's thoughts and feelings. I also like his assessment of Shepard, and this line especially:

"Tarquin allowed himself to wonder - for just a heartbeat - how could such a small creature be so commanding" - This really shows not only why Shepard is such an excellent leader, but also how Tarquin is comparing himself to her and maybe wishes he could be more like her.

I hope you'll continue the story.
11/8/2013 c9 Mordinette
Great chapter; it described the bond and wordless understanding between Shepard and Garrus perfectly. And I like Vega's reactions to all that and their more personal relationship. ;)
9/25/2013 c10 Guest
Wow, you wrote Tarquin really well! This was a great chapter, glad to see this updated! Can't wait for the next chapter!
8/7/2013 c1 Palaven Blues
Interesting intro. It is short; probably a little shorter than you want to pull readers in. It's really only a single conversation, nothing's happened. I do like EDI trying to learn about human behavior and such, and it's really interesting that she pointed out to Joker than he was also worried. Very nice work. Like you said, there are some language issues, but not too major. All in all, I was intrigued and I do look forward to reading more and seeing how your style develops. Some suggestions:

""Oh, Shit!""
Don't capitalize "shit," as it's not a proper noun.

"Joker let the small rap "
Rap? Not sure what you mean here.

"He disguisedly watched"
Not sure what you mean here, either.

"Normandy" should be italicized; ship's names are always emphasized.

"sighed sobering"
Comma after "sighed."
8/3/2013 c9 SingedFringe
Fabulous povs from the different people. I get a great sense of the camaraderie between the friends, old and new. I'm really looking forward to reading more.
8/2/2013 c9 Guest
I really liked this chapter, you wrote James' thoughts quite well lol. Can't wait for the next chapter!
8/2/2013 c9 1Blausen
Lol! FinallyJames! :D you gotta love him!
7/9/2013 c8 ivanesca
This chapter was the best
7/6/2013 c8 Guest
This chapter was awesome, you wrote Victus quite well! Can't wait for the next chapter!
7/5/2013 c8 Blausen
Lol! That was really nice! :D poor James! I don't know if he is slow or pretends to be stupid! But I love him anyway!
Those small moments are my favorites!
6/26/2013 c4 15Nastrandir
Victus' internal monologue is awesome :D There's the military-grade understanding stuff, the shuttle and acknowledging Shepard, and then he leaps right to 'partiality' because he can't phrase it any other because, well, everyone knows asari-shaped humans don't go for turians, hehe. And given how he notices things - and how, I think, turians hear/sense/smell things - of course he'd notice Garrus' genuine body/voice language, rather than just his assumed 'rebel persona'.

Really striking here is the understanding that Garrus is home - he wouldn't be able to hide it entirely, especially not to someone like Victus. Just a lovely chapter, full of wonderfully perceptive views from Victus.
6/26/2013 c3 Nastrandir
I love this look into Victus' mind - he's such an astute observer, and I think that fits so well with the in-game description of him.

The details are great here - Victus noting 'conservative' Corinthus against Garrus being younger and more brash. The nuances come through very well, from Victus weighing in with his - very new - power as Primarch, and his rather poignant awareness that Garrus and Shepard have been doing this for a lot longer. It's one of those unspoken things in the game, but it really must be something Victus understands, I think, given how he 'gets' what they're trying to do so quickly.
6/5/2013 c7 1Blausen
Hey! Nice one! I find those casual touchs so cute! They simply forget how they acted before, it just became natural to be close! :D
So nice...
34 Page 1 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service