Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for The Girl in the Striped Pyjamas

10/4/2014 c1 3Thea Rose
Konnichiwa! My name is Thea Rose. I really like your Fanfic, mainly because I love The Boy In Striped Pyjamas and I LOVE Japan, plus I liked how you included Baka (it's funny because I speak a small bit of Japanese so I knew what that was whilst reading) in your story too, (that makes it very unique keep it up!) I also like how the storyline of The Boy In Striped Pyjamas is the same but has a Japanese twist, very clever! It's hard for me to imagine Bruno and everyone else Japanese as I've seen the movie and think of them! There a few grammar mistakes (please don't take this to heart) but if you read it over or get someone else to read it it won't be to much of an issues.
Again a great start and I hope you will be able to update soon (if I can!)
Thea Rose. :)
5/29/2013 c2 12Cammie Fujisaki
OMG I GOT SO BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND FORGOT ALL ABOUT THIS STORY! OTL I'm so sorry. I should have read this ages ago. :(

Anyway...
I noticed you hadn't updated in a while, so I'm not sure if you're planning on continuing this or not. I think the plot is going good so far, and that if you do continue it's going down a good path.
Again, the main problem was grammar errors, but it was a lot better than the last chapter. You're already improving, honest. :) One thing is don't put 100%; use "completely" instead as it looks better in this situation.

Once again, I'm very sorry for not reviewing. _ I've failed you. Please forgive me.
Cammie
4/26/2013 c1 EinhartXJake
Hey! I wuv your story. And I posted something on my review tingy for Assassin's vs. guardians
4/24/2013 c1 Cammie Fujisaki
I think it's a good start. :) There's room for improvement, but it's definitely better than a lot of other fics in this fandom.

I like the plot so far, especially as it is pretty original to the fandom.
You should try not to put Author Notes in the middle of the story. It breaks the flow of the piece, and they're really unnecessary. If you want to avoid any confusion with the setting, make a note at the beginning of the story as well.
You have some grammatical errors, such as "why are all the furniture" which should be "why is all the furniture" and at the beginning "suggest Ikuto" rather than "suggested Ikuto." Make sure you double check the grammar next time. (I spotted a few more errors, if you'd like me to tell you them)
You should try to expand on things a little more. I know it's tempting to want to write a lot down quickly, but there could be a bit more details added in in places.

It needs some work, but you have potential. In all honesty, it actually reminds me of my writing a few years back. XD My advice is to just keep writing, and you'll begin to figure out what works and what doesn't.

So far, you're doing good. :) I'm interested to find out what happens next.
Cammie

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service