for The battle with Arden7/17/2014 c4 Guest
Pleeeeeaaaze update!
Pleeeeeaaaze update!
7/2/2014 c1 Not Known
I like the way you switch people.
I like the way you switch people.
7/2/2014 c2 Non-existant
Arden and Tamron aren't allies, Arden took over Tamron, so now Tamron is part of Arden. Slightly confusing, I know. Does Tamron even exist?
Arden and Tamron aren't allies, Arden took over Tamron, so now Tamron is part of Arden. Slightly confusing, I know. Does Tamron even exist?
7/2/2014 c3 Unknown
Are you going to tell us why Arden and Tamron are interested in Han?
Are you going to tell us why Arden and Tamron are interested in Han?
7/2/2014 c4 Anonymous
How did the girl get in Han's room? the only way I can think of is that she possessed Raisa, but that doesn't seem possible. Aside from that, AWESOME STORY! I really wanted Crow to have another descendent. Also, I'm sooooo glad I'm not the only one who still calls him Crow.
How did the girl get in Han's room? the only way I can think of is that she possessed Raisa, but that doesn't seem possible. Aside from that, AWESOME STORY! I really wanted Crow to have another descendent. Also, I'm sooooo glad I'm not the only one who still calls him Crow.
7/30/2013 c1 Tim-Tam the Great
I liked your story, but I must agree with the Guest who commented previously. Your story has potential, but it isn't written well. Take some time to re-read your story. Pay attention to punctuation, grammar, and spelling. Especially with the whole dialogue thing. It was difficult to keep up with who was speaking. I hope you don't get upset, I am just trying to help you. Besides, that is what reviewing is for; to help writers become better writers by pointing out errors and giving advice. I hope you keep writing. Like I said, your story is interesting.
I liked your story, but I must agree with the Guest who commented previously. Your story has potential, but it isn't written well. Take some time to re-read your story. Pay attention to punctuation, grammar, and spelling. Especially with the whole dialogue thing. It was difficult to keep up with who was speaking. I hope you don't get upset, I am just trying to help you. Besides, that is what reviewing is for; to help writers become better writers by pointing out errors and giving advice. I hope you keep writing. Like I said, your story is interesting.
7/26/2013 c4 Guest
(Btw) I am the same guest who commented before with too many critiques... I like your ideas... But please refine your writing! :( Some random abbreviations, one P.O.V. With Dancer not signaled, "straightened" spelled wrong... Just spend 15 mins editing? Please! It hurts me to see your (hopefully) interesting plot butchered by a lack of editing. But who am I to say this? Maybe you stayed up too late... Ah well, until the next chapter.
-a fan
(Btw) I am the same guest who commented before with too many critiques... I like your ideas... But please refine your writing! :( Some random abbreviations, one P.O.V. With Dancer not signaled, "straightened" spelled wrong... Just spend 15 mins editing? Please! It hurts me to see your (hopefully) interesting plot butchered by a lack of editing. But who am I to say this? Maybe you stayed up too late... Ah well, until the next chapter.
-a fan
6/10/2013 c3 deathByAThousandCuts
Nice! Keep updating! Sorry I haven't been reviewing lately. I've been stressed out with school stuff.
Nice! Keep updating! Sorry I haven't been reviewing lately. I've been stressed out with school stuff.
5/24/2013 c1 Guest
Great writing. However, I think you might need to reconsider some aspects of your story-constructive criticism, here we go!
1st-Seems like some parts of this story are written in past tense and randomly switches to present tense...
2nd-You should check over your writing more often, sorry if I seem too negative here... Ex: "to" instead of "too" and other small mistakes.
3rd-The point of view changes are somewhat difficult to follow. Perhaps something to help the reader such as R-A-I-S-A or something along those lines at every POV change would be easier to understand for the reader.
Great writing. However, I think you might need to reconsider some aspects of your story-constructive criticism, here we go!
1st-Seems like some parts of this story are written in past tense and randomly switches to present tense...
2nd-You should check over your writing more often, sorry if I seem too negative here... Ex: "to" instead of "too" and other small mistakes.
3rd-The point of view changes are somewhat difficult to follow. Perhaps something to help the reader such as R-A-I-S-A or something along those lines at every POV change would be easier to understand for the reader.
5/5/2013 c2 deathByAThousandCuts
Aww... Must take a while to do a chapter if your kindle dies so quickly. And you posted this same message on your other stories too!
Aww... Must take a while to do a chapter if your kindle dies so quickly. And you posted this same message on your other stories too!
4/28/2013 c1 deathByAThousandCuts
Good for your first chapter, but you forgot to capitalize the title of the story. FIRST REVIEW! D
Good for your first chapter, but you forgot to capitalize the title of the story. FIRST REVIEW! D