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for The Zerg Swarm - Neo

5/7/2013 c2 kenegi
Yay its out... Took me a while to decide when to check up your profile. Most of this would have seem really rushed unless they read the previous version and are you going to add some flash back?
5/7/2013 c2 Edward95
love the chapter and like win thy first see the zerg base. Looking foward to the next chapter too
5/7/2013 c1 Edward95
great start of the remake.
5/7/2013 c2 kinglugia
I must congratulate you for a better version of this story, though this is a little more different than the first version of this.
However, it is understandable, as I understand that it was just a draft. Perhaps you could explain to us on how and where did Night get his servants from...
5/6/2013 c2 DoggyPaddle
Great start. Am waiting with great anticipation the explanation of how the Zerg are set up and how they will struggle on the world they are on, which is and was a great part of the fist Zerg Swarm. Also looking forward to see how you move the Zerg into space and how that will work. One of me favourite ideas from the fit story was Nights drive to be better that would always be there even with all the other problems that seem to come from nowhere. Liked how he has human looking helpers? . Still it is a great start keep up the great work.
5/4/2013 c2 Darth Xion
Hi... Interesting Fic..
As far as I know, Zergs are organic species which assimilate, adapt & most importantly reproduce fast, still to build castles, pools & serve cooked food would be beyond Zerg's capacities as they require only creep..& who are the so-called servants you refer to waiting in the dining hall?
Anyway this fic has an interesting idea like ur old one...I always wondered if Zerg's organic superiority & human's tech if mixed would be awesome..
I presume Night would conquer the rest of the humans & then with them be able to research tech allowing him to reach space..& tons of battles & other species in the "Dark void of Space"..
Also dont make Night just win by brute force, make him indulge in politics with humans & perhaps defeat an antagonists of sorts who controls/direct Hellites for destroying the planet...
Eagerly awaiting your next chapter..Cheers!
5/6/2013 c2 Mr.Black64
I loved the first version of this story and i'm enjoying this one too.

I'm sure by now you've heard this a hundred times but i think the first one was better. If you ever have the time to re-read your first story you'll understand what i'm about to say.

Zerg Swarm (ZS) had a very casual feel about it while still conveying the hardships and eventual rise of Night and his family. Made you understand and feel the hardships they had to endure to survive. Zerg Swam Neo (ZSE) while a good idea seems more pretentious and not in the good way. It feels like your trying to force it to sound sophisticated when it doesn't have to be.

IMHO your arguments about why you wanted to stop writing ZS doesn't hold water because so far it easily beats ZSN hands down. Other then the whole Godlike Figure being introduced it was a great story. I think a re-write of ZS to make it more polished would've been the better route instead of writing an entirely new story based on it.

Either way i hope to see more.
5/4/2013 c2 1beanboy21
I love your writing. I read your first Swarm story earlier today and am going to be moving on to the Terran one momentarily. I just wanted to thank you for going through the incredible amount of effort it must be to write these stories, and say that I am looking forward to the next chapter. I am really curious as to how much this story will differ from the original. Good night, and God Bless.
5/2/2013 c1 A Big Fan
Finally, it's here! The new "Zerg Swarm"! YES!
5/3/2013 c1 DejDem
I think I enjoyed the original more. His building of the swarm itself was incredibly interesting. Not to mention it gave more backstory on to who Night was and the relationship between him and his family. This isn't bad, no not by a long shot, it just isn't 'better'.
5/3/2013 c2 2eldarhunter
good to see you back I have to admit I'm not sure on this story yet though it does have a lot of potential I need to see a little more before deciding of sure though I can see a good bit of the terran legion in it anyway keep going this could turn out even better than the original
5/1/2013 c2 fmwave
good story so far but you need to do a origin for night on how he got his power and the built up of zerg.
5/1/2013 c1 Guest
Very well written, shows a more realistic use of the overmind's power than just I want to conquer everything. Backstory could be expanded more though... I don't feel like I "know" how the zerg took over the hellites or how the metamorphosis of night began... These are things from the first story which were really good.
5/2/2013 c2 CatOnFire
The build-up the strife is half the story, it feels like you started the fic in the middle and I'm waiting one or two chapters for you to finish it. I like it, but thus far 'The Zerg Swarm Neo' is inferior to the original.
5/2/2013 c1 1jamesdewolf
this chapter could have been 3 or 4 you compress too much into this space but it flowed nice. you have too many idea that need a explain from the get go but it fine at the minute, it can be followed and it a good start at the minute so don't be dishearten
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