for The Zerg Swarm - Neo5/2/2013 c2 
9HaltWrite
While your story is better written, I preferred the original as you could follow how things developed instead of finding him super powerful all at once. Also, Night is rather snobbish.
9HaltWriteWhile your story is better written, I preferred the original as you could follow how things developed instead of finding him super powerful all at once. Also, Night is rather snobbish.
4/29/2013 c2 Guest
Too strong
Too strong
4/29/2013 c2 Hazardine
Great restart, the setting is very different from the first version, though I would like Night explaining the past six months so as to give us readers more info and not feel confused. Although the chapters were great you just made some grammar errors that appear here and there, you could maybe get a Beta to help with that.
Great restart, the setting is very different from the first version, though I would like Night explaining the past six months so as to give us readers more info and not feel confused. Although the chapters were great you just made some grammar errors that appear here and there, you could maybe get a Beta to help with that.
4/29/2013 c1 Guest
its to rushed
its to rushed
5/1/2013 c2 3kami kyuubi sama
I am excited to see what you will do now that you gave Night a kingdom. However I am a bit worried about the vast differences in power. He is already strong enough to challenge any city, but will this story even focus on Luminous or will you take to the stars.
Either way this will be fun to read.
3kami kyuubi samaI am excited to see what you will do now that you gave Night a kingdom. However I am a bit worried about the vast differences in power. He is already strong enough to challenge any city, but will this story even focus on Luminous or will you take to the stars.
Either way this will be fun to read.
5/1/2013 c1 1n0mster
Hmm, certainly an interesting restart, quite an intriguing change to have Night skip the whole establishing of the Zerg swarm and go straight to when the plot developments accelerate. Anyway, I really like how the Zerg were hidden well into 6 months in, and that concealment was upheld and maintained throughout. Secrecy is something that tends to be underrated.
Anyway, certainly looking forward to your next update.
1n0msterHmm, certainly an interesting restart, quite an intriguing change to have Night skip the whole establishing of the Zerg swarm and go straight to when the plot developments accelerate. Anyway, I really like how the Zerg were hidden well into 6 months in, and that concealment was upheld and maintained throughout. Secrecy is something that tends to be underrated.
Anyway, certainly looking forward to your next update.
4/28/2013 c1 ZF Dain
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
I loved the stories you write and have been waiting forever for you to start again. I have all you stories on my computer incase the stupid censor deletes this for some reason and have checked out your stories for updates twice a week for MONTHS.
Your story is the first of its kind and though many have tried to copy your idea none have done it as well as you have so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
again.
p.s.
If you stop writing again for several months again unpleasent things will follow, not that I am threating you or anything, just you know BAD THINGS May happen to you, you know just a suggestion. evil chuckle
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
I loved the stories you write and have been waiting forever for you to start again. I have all you stories on my computer incase the stupid censor deletes this for some reason and have checked out your stories for updates twice a week for MONTHS.
Your story is the first of its kind and though many have tried to copy your idea none have done it as well as you have so THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
again.
p.s.
If you stop writing again for several months again unpleasent things will follow, not that I am threating you or anything, just you know BAD THINGS May happen to you, you know just a suggestion. evil chuckle
4/28/2013 c2 Guest
I cannot thank you for weiting this enough man
I cannot thank you for weiting this enough man
4/28/2013 c1 Guest
more i need more (mhhhhmhmhmhmmh)
more i need more (mhhhhmhmhmhmmh)
4/30/2013 c2 1chaoscrafter008
this is really good. i was hoping for a continuation of your original story but this rewrite definitely lives up to expectation. i cant wait to see where you go from here.
there are several thing i noticed about this story that differ from your original.
1. you started the story with stage 2 units, having hydralisks at this stage will definitely change the way this story progresses comared to your original.
2. you did not explain several important facts about luminous such as what gifted means(is it the same as in your original story meaning magic and force users or something different), the leveling system for those gifted and what hellites are.
3. Night has a well defended base from the beginning and it is staffed by human form zerg i assume.
4. i could be wrong but i assume you are using raptor zerglings as a base model for your flying zerglings, firstly awesome if thats the case, if not thats cool too.
all of these arent really problems for me because i have read your previous work but i would recommend you have night explain how he got to where he is now (maybe flashback to when he became an overmind and important events such as the birth of the hatchery, taming of the hellites, expansion into the forest, birth of the first queen etc.) and maybe include a description of what gifted means and hellites are and what it means in the authors notes at the beginning or end of the chapter.
anyway cant wait for the next chapter please update soon.
chaoscrafter008
1chaoscrafter008this is really good. i was hoping for a continuation of your original story but this rewrite definitely lives up to expectation. i cant wait to see where you go from here.
there are several thing i noticed about this story that differ from your original.
1. you started the story with stage 2 units, having hydralisks at this stage will definitely change the way this story progresses comared to your original.
2. you did not explain several important facts about luminous such as what gifted means(is it the same as in your original story meaning magic and force users or something different), the leveling system for those gifted and what hellites are.
3. Night has a well defended base from the beginning and it is staffed by human form zerg i assume.
4. i could be wrong but i assume you are using raptor zerglings as a base model for your flying zerglings, firstly awesome if thats the case, if not thats cool too.
all of these arent really problems for me because i have read your previous work but i would recommend you have night explain how he got to where he is now (maybe flashback to when he became an overmind and important events such as the birth of the hatchery, taming of the hellites, expansion into the forest, birth of the first queen etc.) and maybe include a description of what gifted means and hellites are and what it means in the authors notes at the beginning or end of the chapter.
anyway cant wait for the next chapter please update soon.
chaoscrafter008
4/28/2013 c2 mr.bubbles
that was fucking awesome
that was fucking awesome
4/30/2013 c2 3Meteorthunder3
The setting is indeed great and all, but a lot of the other people do haves a point. Part of the enjoyment of this story is the build up of power. Now since it hasn't started like that, the explanation would be welcome. Especially the part about the servants. I mean are servants humans, turned-humans, or Zerg? If they are humans, then where and how did they turn into Night's servants?
3Meteorthunder3The setting is indeed great and all, but a lot of the other people do haves a point. Part of the enjoyment of this story is the build up of power. Now since it hasn't started like that, the explanation would be welcome. Especially the part about the servants. I mean are servants humans, turned-humans, or Zerg? If they are humans, then where and how did they turn into Night's servants?
4/30/2013 c1 Raventus
I was a little surprised you started quite powerful already. I thought that with the Terran Story aborted because you were going far too fast. I truly hope you're not making the same mistake here.
As far as it goes, it's pretty good so far. If they indeed grow far more powerful, then this isn't such a bad setting.
But as for how to proceed next, I have to agree with another commenter to make a chapter about the zerg the six months before.
I was a little surprised you started quite powerful already. I thought that with the Terran Story aborted because you were going far too fast. I truly hope you're not making the same mistake here.
As far as it goes, it's pretty good so far. If they indeed grow far more powerful, then this isn't such a bad setting.
But as for how to proceed next, I have to agree with another commenter to make a chapter about the zerg the six months before.