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for The Zerg Swarm - Neo

10/4/2016 c3 Fainfan
Great story though. Prefer ur first Zerg swar. Cheers
8/16/2016 c3 Guest
Christ dude. Just delete this story so you don't get people's hopes up. Also, next time, don't publish anything until you have 5 chapters ready, and release them on a bi-weekly basis. That allows you to maintain a bi-weekly schedule for a while without actually having to write a chapter every 2 weeks, and the buffer, if you choose to maintain it, allows you to release to a small group of beta writers for proofreading (Which you pretty badly need, spellcheck is not doing you a lot of favors here.)

Also, I really don't much like this incarnation of the zerg. I must preferred the previous way of portraying them, with them basically appearing nearly exactly the same as in-game, and only slowly revealing personality and variation to the reader. Definitely ditch the numbers though. Maybe track them yourself, just to keep the timeline of events standardized, but in the actual story, only show them as relative values (drained, weary, brimming with energy, ect)

Speaking of energy values, late in the original story, you threw around values of bio-energy that got silly-huge real fast, and the hatcheries were spawning way too many larva IMO. The various buildings that are unnecessary in this story should instead be utilized to store or utilize bio-energy. An evolution chamber, for example, could absorb bio-energy at a set rate to push the swarm towards the next level, a spawning pool simply stores say 5k bioenergy, is able to fully charge/discharge within an hour, while a spire can store 50k energy, but can only charge/discharge 1k bioenergy/hour. A spire could also allow overlords to transport resources, while a spawning pool can dissolve materials like the hatchery, and the evolution chamber can use its stored energy to allow zerg from the previous level to morph to the new level (instead of all of the zerg morphing at once using some unknown supply of energy, whether or not they're on creep, which doesn't actually transfer energy too well in the lore)

This would also allow you to give our heros a little more trouble, like attacking them right before they level up, with most of their bio-energy stuck in evolution chambers or hives.

Also, if you need a beta reader, or someone to bounce suggestions off (for fact-checking, science-checking, or simply want me to try to give you ideas so you can write yourself out of a corner), I'm offering my services. PM me and I'll give you my e-mail if you're interested.
5/10/2016 c3 The Golden Gibus
Take your time, man. Writing is harder than a virgin'a dick during an orgy, but honestly I think you'll pull through. Keep it !
3/8/2016 c2 52Xovercreator
Don't give up. You can do it the story well. You just need to rinse and repet making these chapters, and then refine them each time. You have years to write this, so there is no reason that you have to rush this. I may have to update as quick as possible, but for you, a good story is worth a few years, so please, come back to Fanfiction, and show the Internet your majestic tales and stories
1/4/2016 c3 Skullface
I saw many good stories and bad stories some were of extremely high quality but your story changed the StarCraft fandom and "The Zerg Swarm" is one of the best stories I've ever seen if I were you I'd get back to writing here and show everyone how to write a story you and writer frantic could team up to write something that will engrave itself so deep into readers that they will need brainwashing to forget it
11/26/2015 c2 tamagat
wow such surreal experience reading this chapter, you have done an awesome job!
11/26/2015 c1 tamagat
whoh hey a very nice recreation of your first creation kudos to you! you magnificent bastard!
10/15/2015 c3 engineer2172
You seriusly need to see a expert, you have a serius bad luck streak
10/11/2015 c2 1Zelara
I think this rewrite might be a step back from the original. The first Night was a lot more humble, starting off small and growing to greatness, this version is a lot more... arrogant. The zerg seem to have degenerated from 'family friendly' killing machines into house elves and the characters personalities are a lot flatter.
10/3/2015 c3 1larslolxz
I'll be honest.
I liked the pre-rewrite version better. A lot better.
The conflict, the initial challenges, the reaching out to the humans, seeing that they aren't actually all bad, the danger his family is in at first... It was good. There were bad points - the 'god' reveal especially felt shoehorned in, I feel that would've been better if it had been subtly hinted at rather than outright stated 'you are descended from a god', etc... - but overall it was a good read.
This... is not so. Maybe it's a little early to judge that, but it looks to be difficult to set up conflict here - the protagonist has already pretty much severed ties with the humans, and the set up for it is a bit too much 'the protagonist needs suffering to justify his lashing out'. In the first story we're at least told (if not shown) that other people live like he does and it's not unusual and he doesn't hold it against the cities - it's just how it is. In addition, the swarm being already established eliminates a lot of the danger that sucked me in for the early plot. Plus, it doesn't fit thematically. The zerg are all about evolution, starting weak and getting stronger. Starting in medias res instead of at the start feels... cheap. Although I understand you not wanting to rehash a lot of the early story.
Just my two cents.
10/3/2015 c3 9JesterDGrowlithe
while reading the first chapter I felt how you felt. I felt how hard it was to write it, but you continued.
also you should not over think things while writing! you could have explained the culture in later chapters, it is bad writing to try to squish every bit of in world details. if you do that then the readers will forget the story in a few days, but by spreading the info the won't be forgettable. you could also write the info at the end of chapters, that would make our jobs easier by reminding us what makes this story unique.

ps: I wrote this on my phone and I am not good with its touchscreen...
9/12/2015 c2 Guest
very good
8/24/2015 c3 shadow1real
I hope you are still doing this story
8/1/2015 c3 Guest
Please update you are my favorite author on this site
8/2/2015 c3 7Tsamoka
Seeing how this story will end up is worth waiting for you to perfect it. Trying to encourage you to rush and post a half-finished work would be insulting to you and not worth reading. Take your time. The longer I wait, the sweeter the reward. :)
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