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for The Zerg Swarm - Neo

7/28/2014 c3 4Nargus
Hope your few weeks come to an ends soon I think the first version was okay, even if this 2nd one seem better after I finish the first chapter. It'd be such a shame to see this series abandoned...
5/11/2014 c3 6Muroshi
Well there went the couple weeks by about a year. ;p
12/30/2013 c3 Tim
I have not commented before, or at least I don't think I have, but I shalln't lose faith in you. I believe in you. Your fanfics are well written and enjoyable to read. I've actually re-read them on several occassions even if they are incomplete and halted. I wish you the best of luck.
12/21/2013 c3 Guest
quite a shame that you did not get around to finishing any of these stories. I looked forward to the terran and protoss versions of this story. The terran and protoss versions seems very enticing. I ask you, please find a way to complete these stories.
12/14/2013 c3 4biolaj1998
uhm I think there has passed more then a few weeks but it's true writing is a pain in the arse so yeah I understand you but I hope that it comes up again soon until then I will be reading the original one and then this one hope to see the restart soon
12/13/2013 c3 2ImHavok795
My friend, I will be patient with you. I have been reading your stories since The Zerg Swarm, and I know that writing can be a torturous thing. Ever patient I remain, I hope you update with a new story soon. I miss your stories!
12/12/2013 c1 11stephenopolos
Please please please please, get someone to proofread this for you. I'm actually not that excited about the new opening. You've skipped the opening six months of development which while possibly not needed leave us with little information on what has been happening. he goes from being the lowest in the clan about to be banished to threatening holy hell on them by way of the zerg force that suddenly pops out of nothing.
11/11/2013 c2 gagiman
I think this remake seems to make night a bit too powerful too early on. An overmind with a speed of 1000mph...

Also the grammar might need to be looked at, ask for a beta perhaps. Past and present tense mistakes in this chapter made for some rough reading

As a remake it's a good attempt. Good luck
11/9/2013 c1 Twigon
You should stop being dead. It makes me unhappy.
10/20/2013 c3 Zedicus101
Honestly I think the story on the first rendition was much better, I don't think it's a good idea to start a story with an army that could squash any resistance. Not to mention the whole 'origin' story of the first was really compelling, showing the rise to power for instance, was great stuff! Character development, love, balanced action... all good!

However the whole... god business was a little... almost 'hashed' together, it didn't have all too much composure.

Suffice to say your writing style has improved but the content could use a little... time travel!

Good day!

Thanks for the great stories!
9/18/2013 c2 Guest
I'm not crazy about this.
I preferred the original.
Because-
A: We had to see Night fight from the very, very lowest point, all the way to the top. He had to grow his swarm, battle threats, and we got to watch all of that.
You started so far ahead, and we have no idea how he expanded everything. It's just somewhat bad that way.
B: You're makin' shit a little OP here. Overlords moving at 1000 mph? Seriously? You realize how fast that is? Seriously, combat jets don't achieve those speeds.
Overall, I'm just not a fan of the remake.
8/19/2013 c1 1Faraway-R
Night has extreme patience. The loss of said patience would be a sight to behold.
8/18/2013 c3 dragonlord7012
This will be a review of both ZS and ZS-N; I just finished reading the first story and then this one and i noticed a very different story was taking place. It was like you wanted to go back in time and add lots of details and plot points to work off of, and honestly i thought it weakened the storytelling. First off, i hate the Deus Ex Machina way of explaining things. If you have to say "a ROB(Random Onipitent Being)" did something to get a weird premis off the ground."Hey lets drop this human that just died in dimension 15234523 into his deminsion 80983523453 body which just died of starvation, fix him up a tiny bit, and give him powers from a game he is familiar with to see what happens" thats perfectly fine. But ROB should not be making guest appearances, nor should a protagonist be related to ROB, Characters need to be relatable and being related to a ROB is probably the fastest way to make them into Mary Sues. Secondly, i'd advise to bone up on Zert/SC lore, saying "My zerg are different" is fine for handwaving away crapy story elements, i dont need to hear about spawning pools in a fanfic, doing away w/ them was a good move. Also you managed to avoid to many "not enough minerals" senario where we get constant updates on needing more resources, or how much it cost to spend it, "I have a lot but this will set me back" Or "Man these are cheap" or "Oh gawd this is so expensive" Is extremely helpful for telling the reader how to do it. But,, keep in mind the further you get away from them known values the more readers nerves will fray. Thirdly, A protagonist that gives up his humanity sucks balls, and Its weak writing. Conflict is what drives a story and dear god you where doing so well. Nature, man, society, self, conflict a-plenty. Conflict isnt something to just accept or give up against without a damn good reason. Night's sudden "Lol transform pplz, have fun being Zerg-Samus lil'sis ROFLCOPTER" dumped everything he was working towards and trashed the entires Vs Self aspect, an aspect which he countered by having regular people advise him, letting him try to remain human. I agree that you need to flesh out the society a bit better, Personally i'd work out a "How does this work" for a system of protection. SO i'd propose that roughtly 1/2 of humanity lives outside of cities and is unpowered. Tiny clans form around Mages who can stay at home protecting non-hunters while everyone else hunts. More powerful mages, the larger the clans. Multiple clans form cities. Cities prosperity functions based upon and in that order. You need the former before you can actually move onto the latter. I'd also say that you need their to be a distinct difference in power of individuals of different power levels both monster and human. Society is most likely the easist from there. Those higher level Magick users not liking this sudden upstart NON-MAGICK! user foiling their plans (as they would logically order bandits to steal from targest of oportunity) As a cultural norms go. They would likely be a very Tribal Society. I think you might wanna scale down the sheer numbers you tote out. 15 might sound like little, but 15 fearless dogs can kill a LOT of shit on our own world. and zerglings are way more efficient if similiar sized. Killing a hundred people in a city of 2000 is a LOT of people. like 5% of the total population. throwing out thousands of enemies and friendlies makes it to large in scale IMHO. Yea zerg overun planets, but those are unlimited zerg who reproduce endlessly, and their enemies had comparible forces to actually be a viable threat warenting the overwhelming numbers.
I'd say make the conflict of the zerg influence on his personality a bit more apparent. Less Appathy more curbing instincts built into the zerg.

I think i love the most about this story was the zergs and the Setting(Lots of bad things to happen, Lots of problems to come up). I LIKED that the zerg in-setting are much more symbiotic with certain types of wildlife, they eat little and enter a symbiosis w/ trees. I LOVED when you described what zerg do when they dont have orders. Zerlings starting races, baiting slower monsters. Awesomsauce. The setting is also unique as it was something that has plenty of shit to deal with, curb stomb battles arn't fun all the time. Every now and then have a REAL monster show up from time to time to make it very clear "This planet is dangerous" then you have lots of social problems. Getting FOOD is easy for the zergs, but keeping people safe may not always be so. People wong like your bug-aliens or you all the time, People dislike change, Your basicly hooked up to the most badass monster on the planet, but you cant let it be so because if you let it grow uncontrolled it will kill everything. Anywho its 3am and im going into full rant mode. Will follow hope to see this project of yours get finished/continued.
8/15/2013 c1 Guest
Also go back and start at the beginning, when the zerg landed, (I cant believe I'm saying this,) YOU IDIOT, YOU FUCKING RETCONNED THE CHAPTERS OF THE ZERG SWARM, JUST EDIT DETAILS, NOT THE ENTIRE FUCKING STORY , YOU BASTARD!
8/15/2013 c1 Guest
WTF?! Your writing quality has plummeted! PLEASE FIX IT!
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