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for The Zerg Swarm - Neo

5/18/2013 c3 Stelarwand030
you should just merge the two versions of the story together. In the first story you had a good idea of the culture of luminous and in the second you had a good idea of how the zerg worked.
If you merge the two and you improved the points you had trouble on there should be less need to rewrite the story.
My advise is to write an overview of both the culture of luminous and the zerg so you know where you are going with each.
5/15/2013 c3 Nick
Me again. Just got to say a word of advice; don't rush. 'The devil's in the detail'.
5/16/2013 c1 7SeraphOmega
Looks good, though I'm a little confused at the similarities and continuations from the original Zerg Swarm. Did you piece together different parts from the first story, as well as maintaining the storyline idea from Terran Legion?
5/14/2013 c1 Zephal
As long as you don't give up I'm happy.

Though the servants could have used some more description and backstory. Are they human formed zerg? Are they clones grown from random human dna for the express purpose of becoming servants?
5/12/2013 c3 Guy
FUUUUU... Next time can you make the zerg still sort of act like zerg?
5/9/2013 c3 Vincent
I can understand what you're going through, truly i do, and i sympathize. A few years ago, i went through the exact same thing you're going through now, before i discovered my holy grail, and began my first 'real' story. Having said that, i think your problem is that you're over thinking things. If i was to give a suggestion, i would say that you would be best served by returning to your first story. It is your best developed one, and i personally think it was one of your betters. I would love to continue reading it.
5/11/2013 c3 cryptozthunderlord
T-T this story idea unerring good but you keep restarting it thou I'm glad you added a synopsis for the other one or id proply stop read your stuff all toghter
5/8/2013 c3 Anonymoussc2
Dude come on! please hurry, and don't restart it a third time! thanks, I was too lazy to log in, but this is my user name. Good books so far, although looking forward to the protoss version
5/8/2013 c3 Nick
It is okay, take all the the time you need. Whilst you are planning your new story I would like to put a few Ideas forward:

Zergling paratroopers; Raptor-strain zerglings that jump out of an overlord and glide to the ground.

Baneling Artillary; a zerg similar to a SCII infestor with powerful limbs that can catapult banelings long distances

Scorpion; A spine crawler that attacks while mobile, basically like an actual scorpion, except larger and Zerg-ish.

Kraken; think giant infested squid with spine crawlers for tentacles. Aquatic zerg.

Primal larvae ( for lack of a better name) ; can incorporate foreign genetic material into their own DNA, thus evolving. Is part of the hivemind.

Weaver; spider-like creature that creates a nigh-indestructible thread material.

Death worm; inspired by Mongolian death worm, large amphibous serpent that can discharge an electrical current and spit acid. Is immune to electrical shocks and powerful acid-tunneler.

Thats all for now. Use them if you want, and thank you for your time.
5/10/2013 c3 6Sacchin
Aww... Well, I will be looking forward to these new chapters! The past few chapters did leave me with questions, and there were a few plot holes, but they were great! I can't wait to see these new ones after you fix them!
5/10/2013 c2 Sacchin
Wow! This is so cool! I'll be reading on!
5/8/2013 c3 Guest
No problem man. Take all the time you need.
5/7/2013 c3 Guest
Bull your always going to quit because you try to jump to far. Slow build to conclusion. Think of sex, forplay leads to completion. You nut from the first kiss. Slow burn.
5/7/2013 c2 Nick
. . The servants could use a bit of explaing , though other than that ; GREAT!
Enough said.
5/9/2013 c3 CajunAsian
You get three mulligans and then we are gonna have words. However so far its worth it.
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