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for The Zerg Swarm - Neo

5/8/2013 c3 Ishkahrhil
i think the first chapter should describe the world and the city
introduce the main character and his family in chapter two doing the large list of chores he would have while slipping in caste system in it
then maybe end of chapter three or middle/beginning chapter four is when they leave

good luck and godspeed
5/8/2013 c3 Mr.Black64
If you aren't happy or having fun don't do it. Screw us. Seriously.

Take your time and write something that makes you happy. If your happy with it i'm sure we'll be happy with it.
5/8/2013 c3 3kami kyuubi sama
5/8/2013 c3 D00rFr4m3
... *sigh*
5/8/2013 c3 5daniel.ong.37
we shal wait :/ ahhahah im just going to wait for the day where u post them up your writing skills are amazing
5/8/2013 c3 Ranmyaku Kiritsu
... XD

Mate, I love your writing, and I will definitely continue to, but I've gotta say, your search for the middle ground seems to be stressing you, writing shouldn't be torture! If you need to take a break, do so! And if you don't come back, I might shed tears of despair maybe once or twice. But if you do, well then, I'll be here at least.


5/8/2013 c3 2Border42
Here we go again. *Groan*. Ah well, it's not like I actually lose anything by this...
5/8/2013 c3 DoggyPaddle
The first story was great because is started at the start at the start and introduced how the world worked, with the city's and heavens gate as the best( or whatever it was called). Love the idea behind neo but go slow it is always going to be big with space travel and stuff try to make the world rich and vibrant with real life problems for the character, such as nights questions of his morality. It's all a learning experience. Eagerly looking forward to the next try hopefully you will get something you are happy with then.
5/7/2013 c3 Syutian
It saddens me that this happened again, but if it makes it better, take your time!
5/7/2013 c3 kinglugia
Here's my advice: Delete this story and make a new one! With the same title, simple!
And do some research: Scratch that, lots of research on the middle ages,a s your Luminous culture seems to be like that...
5/7/2013 c3 devo342
5/7/2013 c3 2revan193
I have enough of these rewrites, if there is a way to erase you from my favorites, I will do it...

Sorry, but I can't read this anymore...
5/7/2013 c3 3Meteorthunder3
Darn it! D:

I was really looking forward to this to... Why! XD

Well... It is your story by the end of the day. I do hope that you do not cancel this story however. Though I have to say that you made a big point in the first Zerg Swarm. Since people mostly relies on Magic and their abilities, improvements on tools are barely touched.

One thing though, are the people going to have some form of projectile weaponry such as bows, spears, or perhaps throwing axes?
5/7/2013 c3 10Apocalyptian Scribe
If writing is a chore to you, maybe its time to throw in the towel and just take a break.

It's best to just read something, play video games, or watch a movie and get inspired to start writing again. Since this is supposed to be for entertainment, you should just wait it off and gather your thoughts.
5/7/2013 c3 a1993
itll be worth the wait, good writing takes time, gl with another rewrite xD
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