for Commander of Zero7/9/2013 c6 
9Robo Reader 21
...The best way I can describe this chapter is "Rushed." It felt rushed. The Albion arc typically can go for like three chapters in balanced. Two if you wanna get it over with without looking like you wanna get past it.
Other problems and errors I have follows.
Mathilda's attitude change is just one of those 'Huh!' moments. Going from her hard yet endearing self to 'I will be a good solider to you, sir!' is just...what?! And her goal in trying to help everyone while sounding nice just feel off. Her only goal is a future for Tiffania and the kids and any other orphans she grew attached to along her career.
Guiche a spy/shinobi. Yeah right. Not even in another dimension.
The use of parentheses is getting annoying.
Errors, you got the sisters mixed. The elder one is a bitch whose attitude got her fiance to cancel the arrangement. The mid sister is the sweet and sickly one. Also, what of Wale's father? He suppose to die in the final push, the bastard. As long as he lives, Wales words don't mean much.
The normal Kirov could outrun their airships. And what did Blake do to make that attack go through him without harm?
9Robo Reader 21...The best way I can describe this chapter is "Rushed." It felt rushed. The Albion arc typically can go for like three chapters in balanced. Two if you wanna get it over with without looking like you wanna get past it.
Other problems and errors I have follows.
Mathilda's attitude change is just one of those 'Huh!' moments. Going from her hard yet endearing self to 'I will be a good solider to you, sir!' is just...what?! And her goal in trying to help everyone while sounding nice just feel off. Her only goal is a future for Tiffania and the kids and any other orphans she grew attached to along her career.
Guiche a spy/shinobi. Yeah right. Not even in another dimension.
The use of parentheses is getting annoying.
Errors, you got the sisters mixed. The elder one is a bitch whose attitude got her fiance to cancel the arrangement. The mid sister is the sweet and sickly one. Also, what of Wale's father? He suppose to die in the final push, the bastard. As long as he lives, Wales words don't mean much.
The normal Kirov could outrun their airships. And what did Blake do to make that attack go through him without harm?
7/9/2013 c6 PEJP BengtZone V2
Great work updating!
BTW; Will there be an early introduction of Tiffania Westwood?
I think she's running an orphanage village hidden in the Westwood Forest.
I also believe having Blake become her Familiar, will allow him to unlock the latent abilities within sorcery of commoners, to make them potential mages, by focusing some of the super-charged mana within himself through the bodies of the commoners.
Great work updating!
BTW; Will there be an early introduction of Tiffania Westwood?
I think she's running an orphanage village hidden in the Westwood Forest.
I also believe having Blake become her Familiar, will allow him to unlock the latent abilities within sorcery of commoners, to make them potential mages, by focusing some of the super-charged mana within himself through the bodies of the commoners.
7/6/2013 c1 chrome23
What will happen? You story is very good. Will Blake teach a lesson of the meaning of noble to Louise? I want to see what Blake can do during the secret mission to the prince Wales? Will Wales continue to live and love Princess Henrietta? Oh but that is a little far, right? What will Blake do when Wardes appear in the story? Will he deceive him or reveal his army? But I'm thinking, if Blake is a commander he will use the surprise effect to the maximum, right? Or the plot line will change a little. Well, good story and I like the personality of Blake, screw the nobility, equality for everyone, haha.
What will happen? You story is very good. Will Blake teach a lesson of the meaning of noble to Louise? I want to see what Blake can do during the secret mission to the prince Wales? Will Wales continue to live and love Princess Henrietta? Oh but that is a little far, right? What will Blake do when Wardes appear in the story? Will he deceive him or reveal his army? But I'm thinking, if Blake is a commander he will use the surprise effect to the maximum, right? Or the plot line will change a little. Well, good story and I like the personality of Blake, screw the nobility, equality for everyone, haha.
6/11/2013 c5 7fuji92
This was actually interesting but there is something I must point out, you need to improve the way you present it, I don't know's actually talking either Blake or Louise or Henrietta or Matilda or anyone without an explanation who said that line. Your story is by any means good but you need to read more books or other good fics as an example on how you actually write the story. But above all else, the plot and the story itself is good and interesting, you just need to improve the way you show your paragraphs and all of that.
(P.S. could you show some of the Empire of the Rising Sun forces later? I like that faction seconded to the Soviets XD)
7fuji92This was actually interesting but there is something I must point out, you need to improve the way you present it, I don't know's actually talking either Blake or Louise or Henrietta or Matilda or anyone without an explanation who said that line. Your story is by any means good but you need to read more books or other good fics as an example on how you actually write the story. But above all else, the plot and the story itself is good and interesting, you just need to improve the way you show your paragraphs and all of that.
(P.S. could you show some of the Empire of the Rising Sun forces later? I like that faction seconded to the Soviets XD)
5/26/2013 c1 Onsholo
You got my attention but i would like to point out that a Soviet commander would be far more amusing and interesting to read.
You got my attention but i would like to point out that a Soviet commander would be far more amusing and interesting to read.
5/22/2013 c5 PEJP BengtZone V2
I wonder if Blake has ever concluded the possibility that Brimir has been posing as a fraud and a phony Messiah, by having the human people think of him as an avatar-like herald of God itself.
Anyway, there's a few things you need to keep in mind:
1. Tiffania Westwood, Wales Tudor, and Henrietta are all three-way paternal cousins.
2. Wales isn't evil, from what I can tell, since he appeared to be a true noble for a leader, who's willing to serve his people as much as they serve him.
3. You could have Albion become a nation that is co-ruled by both monarchy AND democracy.
4. You better make sure that religion becomes optional, rather than obligatory, when democracy has been instated into Albion.
Of course, you can have Blake give the citizen of Albion a church and religion that refers to collective knowledge of Christianity, Judoism, and Islam.
I wonder if Blake has ever concluded the possibility that Brimir has been posing as a fraud and a phony Messiah, by having the human people think of him as an avatar-like herald of God itself.
Anyway, there's a few things you need to keep in mind:
1. Tiffania Westwood, Wales Tudor, and Henrietta are all three-way paternal cousins.
2. Wales isn't evil, from what I can tell, since he appeared to be a true noble for a leader, who's willing to serve his people as much as they serve him.
3. You could have Albion become a nation that is co-ruled by both monarchy AND democracy.
4. You better make sure that religion becomes optional, rather than obligatory, when democracy has been instated into Albion.
Of course, you can have Blake give the citizen of Albion a church and religion that refers to collective knowledge of Christianity, Judoism, and Islam.
5/21/2013 c5 9Robo Reader 21
You know, the familiar contest thing is anime-only. Never happen in the LN, but when you look at what the LN did instead...its one of those rare moments were the anime did something better than the original material.
Mathilda was handled well, more or less. Could've definitely been longer. Shown her some video of his world and all that. Tell her just directly: "I'm bringing a democracy. A true democracy, not the facade Reconquista is proclaiming. In a democracy, there are no kings."
Henrietta is trustworthy. The main concern are those in the royal court. Germania is a bit of a hotpot. The political ungoings there are vague but there is a short analysis and what is known in the site. You know the one.
Clever idea showing them musical videos. I'm not familiar with Hugh Jackman prior to him as Wolverine and I don't wanna be. He is Wolverine and I don't want that image ruin. Thank God I didn't see him in the Oscars
9Robo Reader 21You know, the familiar contest thing is anime-only. Never happen in the LN, but when you look at what the LN did instead...its one of those rare moments were the anime did something better than the original material.
Mathilda was handled well, more or less. Could've definitely been longer. Shown her some video of his world and all that. Tell her just directly: "I'm bringing a democracy. A true democracy, not the facade Reconquista is proclaiming. In a democracy, there are no kings."
Henrietta is trustworthy. The main concern are those in the royal court. Germania is a bit of a hotpot. The political ungoings there are vague but there is a short analysis and what is known in the site. You know the one.
Clever idea showing them musical videos. I'm not familiar with Hugh Jackman prior to him as Wolverine and I don't wanna be. He is Wolverine and I don't want that image ruin. Thank God I didn't see him in the Oscars
5/21/2013 c5 7BeanCorn
You're improving quite a bit. It was still a little difficult to follow though, particularly within conversations.
7BeanCornYou're improving quite a bit. It was still a little difficult to follow though, particularly within conversations.
5/12/2013 c4 reader
Quite statisfied with the units though...
But does Col Blake has commandos that similar to Tanya?
It just a suggestion, ignore it if you dislike it.
Quite statisfied with the units though...
But does Col Blake has commandos that similar to Tanya?
It just a suggestion, ignore it if you dislike it.