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4/28 c2 11Mukuro234
Awesome so far! As for pairing I can't decide between hikaru or kaoru! They are my favorite characters!
8/12/2019 c2 Jcassie
Shame you didn't continue so far it's pretty good
7/10/2019 c2 Guest
6/21/2019 c2 Guest
Pair Haruhi with Takashi/ Mori
8/14/2017 c2 Guest
plz write more!
10/8/2015 c2 lillyRdalton
Can't wait for the next chapter, this is amazing I am hyper thinking about what's going to happen what about that line that said haruhi has short hair, that girl has long hair, or what ever it said? Does that mean the haruhis short hair was a wig?
6/3/2015 c2 Existiert Nicht
I vote for Hikaru! Keep writing! :)
1/1/2015 c5 Classified
Errors but good plot...
11/16/2014 c5 Anomonous
This sucks. This writing is just awful. You need some constructive criticism ASAP.
11/16/2014 c3 Anonymous
I tried. I tried reading this but it's just too hard. You barley use capitals and each character shows absolutely no emotion! The idea is good but the writing is not. It doesn't even seem like you care that much either. It's mainly simple things that can be changed. For example:

"The hosts leave the school and head home, also haruhi, akira and samuel arive at the morinozuka estate, akira and samuel tell their wives why haruhi is there then there wives leave the room and there youngest sons come into the room they are in.

"what are you doing here you are mitzukuni and takashi friend" said yasachika

"yasachika that was rude, please forgive him haruhi" said satoshi

"arika, samuel, it think its time to tell yasachika and satoshi my true identity I could use more protection at school" said haruhi

This could be easily written as:

Haruhi, Arika, and Samuel arive at the Morinozuka estate only to be greeted by two lovely women. Arika's wife Azami and Samuel's Ayame. They sit and talk for 5 minutes tops merely to explain Haruhi's difficult situation. Azami and Ayame then retrieve there sons Yasachika and Satochi. The two boys enter the room leaving their mothers behind.

"What are you doing here, you don't happen to be friends of Mistukuni or Takashi do you?" Yasachika asks, disgust and annoyance clearly seepinng into his tone of voice

"Yasacika, behave yourself. These are our guests. Treat them with respect," Satochi scolds

"Forgive him, he's not fond of visitors. Anyway, to what do we owe this company, my friend Haruhi", Satochi asks apologetically.

Haruhi turns to face her friends.

"So, Arika, Samuel. Should I explain myself to these men? I sure could use the protection at school." Haruhi asks casually making "these men" pause and gaze upon Haruhi with curious eyes.
You see? Not so hard. People may just think I am a brat or just flat out rude, but at the moment I am attempting to use constructive criticism.
11/16/2014 c2 Classified
5/14/2014 c5 Guest
More plsssssss i love this fanfic! *O*
5/10/2014 c2 11mythmagykfae
Are you ever gonna update, or are you discontinuing this fic?
3/16/2014 c5 Skratt57
please finish it soon really good
12/21/2013 c5 4Bentears
nice story please continue
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