for Marcel Bonin lost in time6/2/2013 c1 Theresa Moller
Very very good. I really do like it. Now being a critic: 3rd paragraph change "for" now on to ("from now on") . The word "to" was left out of: "he lay next _ her". Don't take offense. just trying to help... Love you Keep up the good work. Now I'm anxious to read the next chapter...
Very very good. I really do like it. Now being a critic: 3rd paragraph change "for" now on to ("from now on") . The word "to" was left out of: "he lay next _ her". Don't take offense. just trying to help... Love you Keep up the good work. Now I'm anxious to read the next chapter...
6/1/2013 c7 Guest
I love it. Keep it up.
I love it. Keep it up.
5/17/2013 c5 
8kykyxstandler
ok this is an awesome story but please make more paragraphs instead of 1 or 2 big ones like
Bones is sitting at his desk hunched over with his head resting on his hands with his elbows on the table. What was he going to do that poor girl has no idea what has happened to her or where she is.
She still believes that it's 2013 and she is in the hospital! How was he going to tell her that the world she once knew and everyone she ever knew were long gone? "Damn it all to Hell!" "Jim can you meet me down in Sickbay in my office" he yelled at the intercom.
"Yeah, Bones I'll be right there." Jim called back. A few moments later Jim walked into the Doctor's office.
"My God Jim she has no idea where or when she is! How the Hell, Do you tell someone that everything they loved and knew or long dead. She thinks she's in the God, Damn Hospital and that any day now she is going to be able to go home. She doesn't have a home and we are one year into a five year mission we won't be going back to Earth any time soon." Dr. McCoy yelled at Jim.
"Bones calm down we will figure this out."
Dr. McCoy was interrupted before he could say anything else by the intercom. "Doctor she woke up and something is wrong please get in here!"
"Shit! Shit! Shit", Dr. McCoy muttered as he quickly walked out of his office. He started to run when heard the screaming. "What the Hell is going on!" he snapped. Marcel was swinging kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs her eyes were wide open she had a look of shear terror and panic. Her hair was plastered to her head and she was pouring sweat. She was breathing hard and fast and her heart rate was elevated. One of his nurses was knocked out cold and the other one was trying to hold Marcel still but she was failing fast. He put his fingers to his lips and blew hard sending a loud whistle through the Sickbay. Everybody stopped instantly his nurse looked right at him and Marcel fell back into her biobed. "Nurse please tell me what the hell is happening here?" Bones barked at his nurse.
you know so that it's easier to read otherwise even though the story is great it's really a pain in the ass to read other than that love the story so far
8kykyxstandlerok this is an awesome story but please make more paragraphs instead of 1 or 2 big ones like
Bones is sitting at his desk hunched over with his head resting on his hands with his elbows on the table. What was he going to do that poor girl has no idea what has happened to her or where she is.
She still believes that it's 2013 and she is in the hospital! How was he going to tell her that the world she once knew and everyone she ever knew were long gone? "Damn it all to Hell!" "Jim can you meet me down in Sickbay in my office" he yelled at the intercom.
"Yeah, Bones I'll be right there." Jim called back. A few moments later Jim walked into the Doctor's office.
"My God Jim she has no idea where or when she is! How the Hell, Do you tell someone that everything they loved and knew or long dead. She thinks she's in the God, Damn Hospital and that any day now she is going to be able to go home. She doesn't have a home and we are one year into a five year mission we won't be going back to Earth any time soon." Dr. McCoy yelled at Jim.
"Bones calm down we will figure this out."
Dr. McCoy was interrupted before he could say anything else by the intercom. "Doctor she woke up and something is wrong please get in here!"
"Shit! Shit! Shit", Dr. McCoy muttered as he quickly walked out of his office. He started to run when heard the screaming. "What the Hell is going on!" he snapped. Marcel was swinging kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs her eyes were wide open she had a look of shear terror and panic. Her hair was plastered to her head and she was pouring sweat. She was breathing hard and fast and her heart rate was elevated. One of his nurses was knocked out cold and the other one was trying to hold Marcel still but she was failing fast. He put his fingers to his lips and blew hard sending a loud whistle through the Sickbay. Everybody stopped instantly his nurse looked right at him and Marcel fell back into her biobed. "Nurse please tell me what the hell is happening here?" Bones barked at his nurse.
you know so that it's easier to read otherwise even though the story is great it's really a pain in the ass to read other than that love the story so far
5/10/2013 c1 Mommyof02
Great start, I can't wait to see what happens next. Your words were descriptive and there really was hardly no repeats of common language. Great start.
Great start, I can't wait to see what happens next. Your words were descriptive and there really was hardly no repeats of common language. Great start.