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4/13/2019 c3 Fangtasia21
An entire Ranger Dynasty and a Phantom Ranger generation.
9/28/2014 c3 42Blackfire Warrior of the Sky
Never saw Zordon being evil, nice job.
8/18/2014 c3 21chickenscrews
As completely fascinated as I am by the bad guys' lair, the mythology behind them, their creative appearances, and the personalities they bring, all I can focus on is the possibility that they'll also be replaced by even *more* bad guys who claim to be the "real" bad guys again, just as the Neo Machine Empire did to Dark Hegemony after only one chapter. For all I know, come next chapter, these Neo Machine Empire dudes will turn out to only be decoys for ANOTHER group of villains who claim they're the real baddies: the Evil League of Evil, perhaps. It's just, when you put in so much effort to create a unique central antagonistic force and then completely discard them for another one immediately afterward, that kinda shakes the readers' faith in your ability/dedication to write a stable narrative. In chapter 1, we get the Dark Hegemony colonel; in chapter 2, he was completely replaced with the Messiah; in another chapter from now, he too may be replaced with Bad Horse. Do you see the problem here?
And it looks like the Neo Machine Empire's "Messiah" has ALREADY chosen to reveal himself and his plans to the audience. ...I thought you were going for a more mysterious type of enemy that wouldn't be fully revealed until later on, considering how much you built him up at the end of chapter 2. This really is another testament to how rushed this story is :/ And I guess the Messiah can pull old Ranger villains out of his hat now, too.

And besides the narrative suffering from exposition overdose, the characters are really suffering from it too. I didn't say much on it before, but here's where it goes too far. Billy and Tommy have never once acted as friends or given any signs that they're happy to see each other after some 30-odd years of complete separation. Whenever they do talk, it's strictly about the plot. Now here, Trent has to tell Tommy (his friend) that his dad (also Tommy's friend) is dead. In what should be a heartfelt moment dedicated to seeing how they deal with grief and exploring the relationship between the two, we only get about two lines of underdeveloped dialogue dedicated to their tragic reunion before being overshadowed by the plot:
"O hai, Tommy. My dad is dead."
"That's rough, buddy—but look: a hologram!"
And I can understand that no time was spent after the glossed-over funeral for Tommy and Trent to talk because Trent drove off and Billy suddenly showed up via hologram, but we don't even get a sentence to show Tommy was disappointed he couldn't help Trent when he needed him most. This fic, while extremely rich in mythology and creative as hell when it comes to OCs, desperately lacks personality and humanity. Heck, the villains who are quickly discarded have more vivid personalities than Tommy and Billy, our legendary main heroes.

We find more pacing problems when the Paramecium Patrol attacks; a dozen of them ambush Tommy for a fight scene, but instead of fighting in their default forms first, they immediately merge to form a giant version of themselves. This is a last resort trick they should've saved for round two so it would have some actual surprise to it, like how the big bads make their monsters grow AFTER it's been defeated once. But as it is, the Messiah may as well have just sent in a giant-sized Paramecium patroller from the start, no smaller minions necessary. Also, Tommy apparently killed it in one hit and then went back to normal size himself. That was probably the fastest and most unnecessary daikaiju battle in the entire history of tokusatsu.
I really hope this doesn't sound mean because I'm just trying to give some honest constructive criticism here. Sorry :(

Wait, did Tommy just take over Tesla's body?! Why were we not informed of this power earlier?!

And here comes Yu the Wanderer, who exists solely to spout exposition. Let's see what nifty tales he's come to regale us with this time :)
Wow, Tommy and Zordon are related?! O_O I did not see that coming...THAT IS AWESOME! 8D
No, come back, Yu the Wanderer! You always tell us the most fascinating things! Oh, humbug, he's gone.

Well, if Tommy's gonna suddenly have new superpowers at a moment's notice, he may as well put them to effective use. It's actually pretty dark for him to split the Machine Empire's ranks apart from within with deception like that. He always struck me as the kind to fight his enemy head-on and out in the open, but I guess he's got a dark streak too, which is neat :)

I'm very suspicious about the "angel's" true alignment and Anton's return, mainly because it'd be poor story-telling to kill someone off only to bring them right back without any strings attached.
8/16/2014 c2 chickenscrews
Oh, so Billy *did* go to Aquitar to treat his rapid aging disease? Then what was the point of the time-travel thing if he'd always be the same age anyways? Is this chapter a flashback to when Billy found out about Zordon?
But the confusion aside, it's really cool to see that Billy's relationship with the Aquitian woman *didn't* work out. It's not often you see a canon happily-ever-after turn sour in FanFiction like this, so great job there :)

Jeez, Yu, Billy just wanted to know your name, not your entire life-story. Oh well. Time for more elongated exposition. That's something I didn't bring up last chapter: when it came to introducing the main heroes, much more time was spent on exposition. Granted, Tommy and Billy are extremely well-known in the fandom so we didn't need much time to establish them, but almost every word that came out of their mouths was dedicated to explaining the plot, rather than on reuniting (the namesake of these two chapters) or anything personal. Sure, they did say what they were feeling about all this here and there and them being overshadowed by the plot didn't bother me too much then, but it does here when Billy meets Yu.
Billy simply asks Yu who he is in a wry manner after his marriage failed at the altar, and instead of letting the weight of Billy's recently failed canon happy ending sink in, Yu immediately goes on and on about plot and exposition and Billy seems to completely forget that he was just prohibited from ever being with the woman he loves. I'm actually much more interested in learning how Billy deals with losing his fiancee than watching him go so freely along with Yu.

But to be fair, all the plot that's being thrown at us is all so incredibly fascinating. I love reading about young evil Zordon and young heroic Zedd, especially since they look and act so radically different from the mainstream incarnations we know, and seeing all these *vastly diverse* characters and locales just makes for a really grand mythology. Sure, it's hard to catch everything, especially when names and insinuations are thrown around too fast (did someone mention Kai from Zyuranger?) and when the typos make things hard to understand, but that doesn't make this amazing history any less fascinating.
I mean, Zordon was put on trial? Whoa! The judge is an old lady in a powdered wig flanked by a talking owl and a humanoid cricket? That's creative! Zordon was sold into slavery for being an illegitimate child and then pledged his allegiance to Masters Ooze and Vile, the only ones who showed him mercy? Holy crap! Zordon's mother was a Green Ranger? Cool! Wait, Zedd's all disfigured because Zordon used Sith Lightning on him? Uh, that's awesome and all, but I thought it was the Zeo Crystal that burned off his skin. Oh well. And I still don't understand why Zedd had to swap his and Zordon's allegiances if they could just stay the way they were and have pretty much the same result.

Awesome! Baboo's openly acknowledged as a vampire and he even turns into a giant bat! Thank you for that! And he's an ambassador too? Cool, now he has something useful to do :)
Afterwards, I got kind've lost because of all the typos, but it sounds like Zedd has 4 years to help Zordon become the ultimate force of goodness before he turns completely evil, Lokar is Master Vile's ancestor, some magic rings were buried on Earth in what was then the future, and the four antagonists we met last chapter are mere decoys for something bigger (kind've early for that last reveal).

Oh dang, ISIS is the bad guys? They're the ones who killed Anton Mercer? Well, that escalated quickly. Maybe too quickly. Definitely too quickly. I don't know how long or fast-paced this story's supposed to be, but it seems really rash to disregard the four big bads we met last chapter and then come out and say the mentors are the true bad guys. This really should've been held off for a little longer so it has a bigger impact.
And I guess Billy was able to spy on them with their own holographic communication system without them noticing. The technicalities of that aside, it's not really good story-telling to discard your big bads so soon after introducing them, reveal the mentor is evil immediately afterward, and then have the heroes *already* find out before anything can develop out of this.

And while it is cool to see the Neo Machine Empire make a comeback, this does raise more questions. For one, if the assassin was really Adjutant Officer Tesla, why did he himself kill Anton and then act shocked when Norwood (apparently just a puppet the whole time) said he was really evil *before* he knew Billy was spying on them? Did Tesla just forget who he was until Billy confronted him?
Second, if ISIS was evil the whole time, why did they make Tommy, their *enemy*, the Phantom Ranger? Was the morpher they gave him really a bomb or does it have powers to make him evil? It's just baffling that they'd give their enemy such a huge power-up like that, almost like they didn't decide to be the Machine Empire until this chapter.
Third, if this chapter is a flashback starting out with Billy learning about Zordon and Zedd's history that he discussed with Tommy and Norwood in the first chapter (which takes place after this), did Billy know then that ISIS was evil but acted like they weren't and didn't tell Tommy about it?
Fourth, why was Billy spying on them if he had no reason to believe they were evil? And if he did have reason to spy on them, what was it?
Fifth, how does this all tie back to RPM? Tesla says they inspired the virus that ravaged the RPM world (even though Dr. K clearly made that Venjix independently of the Machine Empire and never even knew they existed), but that's an entirely different dimension and he casually mentions it as if Billy knew what it was. *Did* Billy know what it was, and if so, how?

Though Tesla's reveal does bring up some egregious plot holes and makes the story feel WAY too rushed, I really did enjoy hearing all about the Machine Empire's true history: of how their true leader is an unknown "Messiah," how Tesla fled into hiding after Mondo (then just a cog soldier) staged a coup, and how their empire's reach extends much farther than anyone ever anticipated. I really do enjoy all the mythology you're creating, even though it does hog all the screen-time away from the characters we're supposed to care about. You really do need to proof-read this story, though. Not just for grammar mistakes, but narrative ones too.
8/16/2014 c1 chickenscrews
Interesting :) This story operates under the headcanon that Billy was the Phantom Ranger and, if I read correctly, he's now time-traveled to Tommy's time so he's still his original age. I wasn't quite clear on the details about Billy's departure from Zeo, but it sounded like he had to stay on Aquitar to continually treat his rapid aging disease, yet here, he's a time-traveler who's made his way to this new time. Does this mean Billy is time-traveling and thusly operated as the Phantom Ranger *before* his rapid aging disease manifested? If so, that's an impressive backstory you've got going here :)

And neat! Tommy's the new Phantom Ranger!

I like the idea of ISIS so far and how Earth is finally taking further steps to combat alien threats. Even more impressive is that they've acquired all this intel on Zordon and Zedd's past. Heck, I don't think *any* Earth-based agency ever researched more than surface-level into the Ranger mythos, at least not in canon, so it's cool to see ISIS doing that here. I also think it's cool that their leader, Commander Derek Norwood, is confined to a wheelchair but is still has the most authority in the room. It's always neat to see handicapped people have some kind of awesome pull that more than compensates for their disabilities.

I'm not sure what to think of Zordon and Zedd's backstory. On the one hand, it really is fascinating to see Zordon as an evil monarch and Zedd as a hero, but if I understand this right, everything Zedd did to help Zordon was just switch each other's allegiances. In the end, you still have one evil dude and one good one, so he might as well have done nothing and we'd still have the same result, just with the opposite people. It sounds like a lot of work just to reach another standstill that's basically the same thing. Now, if it was some outside force like the Zeo Crystal or a mystical doohickey gone wrong that swapped the two's alignment, or if Zordon saw the error of his ways sometime before Zedd was seduced by the dark side, then that'd make more sense from a narrative standpoint. Still, just the idea of Zordon once being evil and Zedd once being good is fascinating enough, so props for considering that.

This space ziggurat "Omicron" thing looks neat 8)
And I like that the "bad guys" here aren't really bad guys per se. They're not attacking Earth just for the sake of being evil, but because Zordon first wronged them and they want retribution. Sure, the nature of Ira's personality and features does little to defend his character, but I can still completely understand why he thinks he's in the right here.
And I have to say, the Dark Hegemony you've created here is VERY creative 8) I love the idea of these being fishlike humanoids that can still cast this daunting space-military vibe. And besides just the scary fish warrant officer, we've also got a Far East-themed elderly commander who's also a Grim Reaper, a werewolf lieutenant, a (presumably porcelain) sentient doll who's a friggin' COMMANDER that veers from adorable to frightening in the blink of an eye (yeah, that's an awesome idea), and some nifty Paramecium henchmen that manifest from tubes of goo (reminds me of the Shadow of Doubt's "Acme Instant Minions: Just Add Evil" from the early Bibleman days...oh, what a time the '90s were xD)

This is a very fascinating start to the story here and I'm excited for more...but PLEASE proofread for grammatical mistakes! D8
That aside, this was neat :)
11/10/2013 c3 AviationDrive
Hey, I think this is really good. I like the idea of Zordon having a dark past. It really sets up a plot point that could be taken in many different ways, that could make this an exciting fic to read. But, what I liked the most is that you've answered things that I always wondered in the show, that they never covered.

I'm curious to see where this goes. Watch the grammar a little bit more, but that was the only problems I saw with the three chapters so far.

Favorited and Alerted.
10/28/2013 c1 21Psycho Tangerine
I like the idea of Zordon having a dark past. But if he destroyed eighteen dimensions (and I assume trillions of lives) why has he not had to pay for his crimes. Diana Mezi could become a creepy character. The sweet looking ones always end up being the nastiest.

I have to agree with the other reviewers, though. You should look into getting a beta reader. The punctuation and grammar definitely need work. Tommy is too formal in how he speaks in this.
10/26/2013 c1 277Lily Hanson
Looks like a good start. Some grammar problems, a lot of missing punctuations, but I get the idea. The story isn't exactly a genre that interests me, but it looks like it could turn out well. Just be careful with the grammar, as it makes some sentences confusing to read.
6/9/2013 c1 15Michelle the Editor
Found a good moment, decided to read the first chapter at least and see what kind of writer you are. You've got some really cool, unique ideas here. Having Zordon have a dark past gives the guy some intriguing depth, and sets up this enemy from the past with more sympathy than most villains have. You've also got some vivid imagery, particularly in describing the villain.

The main problem with this is that everything is going way, way too fast. There's no time to explore these creative new ideas or characters, it's just dump the exposition and move on, boom boom boom. It makes the canon characters seem like pointless cameos, thrown in just because they're Tommy and Billy and Zordon. Even in individual sentences it feels like you're rushing because there aren't enough commas, and the periods only show up when they feel like it.

I'd recommend you either get a beta or read your stuff aloud or both: it might help you hear how stiff the dialogue can be, or how odd the phrasing comes out sometimes. I confess, the vague title made me dubious, but I'm curious to see where this fic goes-though not as curious as I'd be if I had some strong characters to root for. Great ideas can elevate a story above the rest, but weak execution can bury it.
6/3/2013 c3 108Darien Fawkes
Tommy's quest looked to be progressing well, and with one ring in his possession, giving him Zord powers at his disposal, no doubt it'll help out in the rest of the search. Of course, I am sure that the new twist will likely complicate things. Bad guys aren't known for resurrecting people to be nice, so the question is why did Darknoda do what he do?
6/3/2013 c3 brankel1
Love it. Glad Anton is alive.
6/2/2013 c1 12Taiski
And you have succesfully explained plot holes in the francise that the creaters couldn't. Good job!
5/28/2013 c2 7Chrispumah
I like the visuals you give. I can't wait for a fighting scene. So far, the story seems to be going in a nice direction. The only real thing is that I think(and this is the impression I'm given) that you want to create a history between the story and the show, but don't want to say too much at once. If that's so, don't worry about it. People have no problem with exposition as long as it's put in at the right time and within reason.

I have to agree with Wolfbane and the others though, the grammar and run on sentences are the only real problems. Maybe read it back and out loud to see if it flows well. Don't forget commas (try to imagine the sentence, "I helped my friend , Jack, off a horse." without the commas).

The phantom ranger thing, I don't know and I don't mind since I don't remember the phantom ranger. Let me know if you need help with future chapters. I'd like to see this story go somewhere and somewhere good :)
5/28/2013 c2 brankel1
Excellent.
5/27/2013 c2 13Jokermask18
Nice!
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