for The steel ice fox11/22/2023 c11 yohoho
lots of funny shit is going down you said but it has been 9 years
lots of funny shit is going down you said but it has been 9 years
9/14/2023 c1 Guest
Dumbass story line
Dumbass story line
8/25/2023 c7 Cliff Gurley
Please let me saying I'm not in any form bashing your fic. I really did try my best to read it but as I got further and further I just couldn't anymore. First of all your grammar needs alot of work. Spelling most of all may I suggest a beta reader or perhaps when I used to write I used the grammarly app. The constant trying to figure out what you were trying to say in your fiction made it hard to read. Also, your spacing at the margins where you pronounced the "justu". Even though I loved the Japanese and English translation part where to close to the text. Making it murder on the eyes. May I suggest a line of spacing in-between like. (Sasuke flipping through hand-signs. Putting hs hand in a ring around his mouth declared
Katon: kyryuu-endan
(Fire- style: flame dragon- flame bullet) in that style it gives a text break to realize the technique for the readers. Really in my perspective anyways. My next gripe is he (naruto) hated his mother, and siblings while not even knowing them or about them. The characters just appearing without warning and why yes they "left" him behind you made it seem as if he was great full to them for that. Conquently, you had him (naruto) kill his half-brother without succinctly even fleshing out why he hated naruto in the first place. Also, I'm not sure if this is a fanfiction trope or not but naruto doesn't seem to kill unless they are irredeemable beyond a shadow of a doubt. Another trope I suppose is the Uzumaki are family oriented (I am not to sure if that's fiction or trope or not. However, no mother even if she was mad at her son for killing his half-brother would succumb to hatred that quickly. That's all I'm gonna gripe about at the moment cuz im taking too much of your time. I wish you all the best and perhaps I will revisit at another time. Thank you for writing because there are more readers it seems than writers and I love reading different perspectives.
Have a good day
Please let me saying I'm not in any form bashing your fic. I really did try my best to read it but as I got further and further I just couldn't anymore. First of all your grammar needs alot of work. Spelling most of all may I suggest a beta reader or perhaps when I used to write I used the grammarly app. The constant trying to figure out what you were trying to say in your fiction made it hard to read. Also, your spacing at the margins where you pronounced the "justu". Even though I loved the Japanese and English translation part where to close to the text. Making it murder on the eyes. May I suggest a line of spacing in-between like. (Sasuke flipping through hand-signs. Putting hs hand in a ring around his mouth declared
Katon: kyryuu-endan
(Fire- style: flame dragon- flame bullet) in that style it gives a text break to realize the technique for the readers. Really in my perspective anyways. My next gripe is he (naruto) hated his mother, and siblings while not even knowing them or about them. The characters just appearing without warning and why yes they "left" him behind you made it seem as if he was great full to them for that. Conquently, you had him (naruto) kill his half-brother without succinctly even fleshing out why he hated naruto in the first place. Also, I'm not sure if this is a fanfiction trope or not but naruto doesn't seem to kill unless they are irredeemable beyond a shadow of a doubt. Another trope I suppose is the Uzumaki are family oriented (I am not to sure if that's fiction or trope or not. However, no mother even if she was mad at her son for killing his half-brother would succumb to hatred that quickly. That's all I'm gonna gripe about at the moment cuz im taking too much of your time. I wish you all the best and perhaps I will revisit at another time. Thank you for writing because there are more readers it seems than writers and I love reading different perspectives.
Have a good day
7/25/2021 c1 Zeke
interesting start.
interesting start.
2/2/2021 c9 Sage-Of-Pure-Rage
Leave a good review or I'm not gonna like what's gonna happen! not only does this story sucks you think threatening people to say positive things is gonna help it!? Fuck you
Leave a good review or I'm not gonna like what's gonna happen! not only does this story sucks you think threatening people to say positive things is gonna help it!? Fuck you
2/1/2020 c11 HeartlessPhoenix
This is so awesome keep up the good work, and please update soon again.
It was a very good work of art. It really did cheer me up when i was down.
Again it was a great fan fiction.
Hope you write this again,
Your dear fan,
HeartlessPhoenix
This is so awesome keep up the good work, and please update soon again.
It was a very good work of art. It really did cheer me up when i was down.
Again it was a great fan fiction.
Hope you write this again,
Your dear fan,
HeartlessPhoenix
10/24/2018 c3 walker1987
Feels like a summary of a story instead of a story, no background history development, terrible to downright appalling grammar, reading flow and sentence structure.
3/10 O.K. plot but nearly no introduction and history of this AU.
Feels like a summary of a story instead of a story, no background history development, terrible to downright appalling grammar, reading flow and sentence structure.
3/10 O.K. plot but nearly no introduction and history of this AU.
4/26/2017 c11 Lilbear620
so fuu is going to join naruto kin is going to return and kushina is going to assault naruto and friends because he killed her son and tries to take Hitomi back to the village hidden in whirlpools and please add the next chapter its been 2 years
so fuu is going to join naruto kin is going to return and kushina is going to assault naruto and friends because he killed her son and tries to take Hitomi back to the village hidden in whirlpools and please add the next chapter its been 2 years
11/26/2016 c11 Matthew
hey, this is pretty good.
hey, this is pretty good.
5/28/2016 c1 Reality check
Just so you know I don't think Masashi Kishimoto intended for Naruto to be the main character I think his original story is called Shonen Jump's Avenger Isabel Sasuke's attempt to retrieve his brother who would murder his entire Clan and Naruto it was supposed to be the sidekick I bet you doing a few screen test when first Draft rules the writers took a liking to the character of Naruto and he said the change it to the Naruto but he never forgot his original story as you noticed about the Naruto's first episode Naruto's in fact my family believes that during the ritual ritual story in the mission and waves nothing was supposed to die at the hands of a cool with Sasuke would unlock his shiningun sorry if it's misspelled but that's why I think it was supposed to happen in the original story if you watch it with your not so carefully you'll see it was setting it up he already went in the pages ahead of time but he had to go back and change some sequences after it the good amount people took him like in the character of Naruto did you know it's in Shippuden that Sasuke you got all these new ninjutsu that included and his other special jutsus and I'll be honest with you I believed that the original story Itachi was crazy and did kills entire Clan the original story was and no he was not a hero trying to protect the hidden Leaf in the original story he was mentally unbalanced and he killed his family for power as originally intended butchers the story change from being Shonen Jump's Avenger Villa change the story about Itachi and then and make Sasuke leave the village but it was never about Naruto I'm sorry to disappoint everyone but that was what they would you draft will probably was about was about Sasuke avenging his clan against his murderous brother Itachi Uchiha but whatever became of popular there a creative story for before touchy and Sasuke did they change the region that why did Sasuke and Itachi with the most popular characters with a Kakashi Hatake in Japan because a lot of them already knew the story of Shonen Jump's Avenger someone we probably heard about it I just thought I'd give you a heads-up is why Sasuke so popular Naruto because nothing was never supposed to be the lead character I bet if you look it up so you probably find you a small version of the first police code Shonen Jump's Avenger there's probably a test for the first series but I bet you come across if you look hard enough I have no doubt it's out there I just like to give you heads up a while Sasuke & Kakashi the reason those two are so popular in Japan it's good they're both so I can hunt down a copy and bring them back to the Village stand trial for murdering of the Uchiha Clan an adventure story is much different than the original Naruto intended for the be because people took a Vicodin or maybe the brightest who would draw his comic book took a liking to nagato and said the change it member he himself said he's not Hands-On with a story so the writers did this on their own and then showed it to him that he put a test we don't see which one people for his story or the one the voters right and I and the others like the Naruto characters so he had to change it just try to keep this in mind people his intent was never for Naruto to be the lead thank you if you don't believe me watch and I'll give you a clue to what they intended cuz he already came up the concept ahead of time and every bit in a few draft boards when he handed the comic book over the show and jumps I bet you the management didn't like the character a Sasuke uchia but he took a liking to Naruto Uzumaki character that is why he wasn't happy when he did this but agreed to give it to me just one of those story but he no way had his hand in writing the character of Naruto it was the show that jumps right as who did Naruto's most personality traits and stories he wanted nothing to do with it most likely because it wasn't his original story is intended that was why he wasn't Hands-On with the project benefits, it was showing jumps Avenger you would have been Hands-On stupid Android autocorrect pay no attention and you'll get the understanding I'm not going back and fixing it but thank you for reading this review keep in mind
Just so you know I don't think Masashi Kishimoto intended for Naruto to be the main character I think his original story is called Shonen Jump's Avenger Isabel Sasuke's attempt to retrieve his brother who would murder his entire Clan and Naruto it was supposed to be the sidekick I bet you doing a few screen test when first Draft rules the writers took a liking to the character of Naruto and he said the change it to the Naruto but he never forgot his original story as you noticed about the Naruto's first episode Naruto's in fact my family believes that during the ritual ritual story in the mission and waves nothing was supposed to die at the hands of a cool with Sasuke would unlock his shiningun sorry if it's misspelled but that's why I think it was supposed to happen in the original story if you watch it with your not so carefully you'll see it was setting it up he already went in the pages ahead of time but he had to go back and change some sequences after it the good amount people took him like in the character of Naruto did you know it's in Shippuden that Sasuke you got all these new ninjutsu that included and his other special jutsus and I'll be honest with you I believed that the original story Itachi was crazy and did kills entire Clan the original story was and no he was not a hero trying to protect the hidden Leaf in the original story he was mentally unbalanced and he killed his family for power as originally intended butchers the story change from being Shonen Jump's Avenger Villa change the story about Itachi and then and make Sasuke leave the village but it was never about Naruto I'm sorry to disappoint everyone but that was what they would you draft will probably was about was about Sasuke avenging his clan against his murderous brother Itachi Uchiha but whatever became of popular there a creative story for before touchy and Sasuke did they change the region that why did Sasuke and Itachi with the most popular characters with a Kakashi Hatake in Japan because a lot of them already knew the story of Shonen Jump's Avenger someone we probably heard about it I just thought I'd give you a heads-up is why Sasuke so popular Naruto because nothing was never supposed to be the lead character I bet if you look it up so you probably find you a small version of the first police code Shonen Jump's Avenger there's probably a test for the first series but I bet you come across if you look hard enough I have no doubt it's out there I just like to give you heads up a while Sasuke & Kakashi the reason those two are so popular in Japan it's good they're both so I can hunt down a copy and bring them back to the Village stand trial for murdering of the Uchiha Clan an adventure story is much different than the original Naruto intended for the be because people took a Vicodin or maybe the brightest who would draw his comic book took a liking to nagato and said the change it member he himself said he's not Hands-On with a story so the writers did this on their own and then showed it to him that he put a test we don't see which one people for his story or the one the voters right and I and the others like the Naruto characters so he had to change it just try to keep this in mind people his intent was never for Naruto to be the lead thank you if you don't believe me watch and I'll give you a clue to what they intended cuz he already came up the concept ahead of time and every bit in a few draft boards when he handed the comic book over the show and jumps I bet you the management didn't like the character a Sasuke uchia but he took a liking to Naruto Uzumaki character that is why he wasn't happy when he did this but agreed to give it to me just one of those story but he no way had his hand in writing the character of Naruto it was the show that jumps right as who did Naruto's most personality traits and stories he wanted nothing to do with it most likely because it wasn't his original story is intended that was why he wasn't Hands-On with the project benefits, it was showing jumps Avenger you would have been Hands-On stupid Android autocorrect pay no attention and you'll get the understanding I'm not going back and fixing it but thank you for reading this review keep in mind
5/11/2016 c2 
5Michael Bourne
nice work on the persuading there naru now kill that chunin that dared to deny you a scroll
5Michael Bournenice work on the persuading there naru now kill that chunin that dared to deny you a scroll