Just In
for A Hazzardous Nightmare

12/14/2013 c11 40i1976 - blu notte
I'm happy Luke is back home :-)
He'll need a lot of time to be back on his legs, but his family is going to help him.
And yeah, you're right: Home is where Heart is!
You marked this story as complete, though I think you could write a lot more.
Anyway, I know you're planning something else ;-)

I like your passion for writing. You have some things to work on (and I too... I'm not the best one here to give advices about grammar, LOL), but I think you have a potential, if you work on characterization, descriptions and editing (about editing: punctuation should be inside of the quotation marks... and it's something I also found out just some months ago because of a review of one of my stories... *face palm*. Yeah, WE have something to work on, LOL).
Keep on writing!
11/29/2013 c10 i1976 - blu notte
Glad Enos arrested the culprits.
It's so sad to see Luke so weak :-(( but you're doing a pretty good job in writing of the Rehab Center and of Luke there.
MMHHHH Reading the end of the chapter... Troubles on the horizon?
11/20/2013 c9 i1976 - blu notte
Better! I liked your details about the Rehab Center, and dialogues flow better.
Emotions are well described.
Poor Luke :-((
Loved, at the end of the chapter, the little wheels in Enos' head :-) (in the show, he was usually the one remembering faces and names of wanted people, so helping the Dukes several times).
11/5/2013 c8 i1976 - blu notte
For starter: welcome back! :-)
I liked the dialogue between uncle Jesse and Doc Applebe: I perfectly understand uncle Jesse's inner fight between bringing Luke back home and sending him to the Rehab Center (realizing that the Rehab Center is what Luke needs, even if it means having Luke away from home). Realistic dialogue, good lines between uncle Jesse, Bo and Doc Appleby. The dinamic works. :-)
I also liked the idea of the Dukes around Luke, they are a family, and their bond is really strong; especially the bond between Luke and Bo (the scene at the Hospital recalled me the episode "Brotherly Love").
Your ideas are good, really!, and I think you can write good stories from it; you should try to be more "soft" in dialogues. I mean, dialogues are somehow a bit rigid, and you can soften it adding characters' emotions and what they're thinking beside what they are saying, instead of simply "he said - she said". For example:
"Now Doc I don't exactly have the money that would cost to have Luke send in a place like that" whispered Jesse, his eyes down, ashamed he wasn't able to give Luke the best. Was it the best for Luke, anyway? Doubts started to poke to Jesse's mind.
Try also to add some descriptions along the story: how's the Rehab Center? What's the smell inside it? What's the walls' color? Describe the Dukes walking along the hallway and looking around them, studying the place: readers like to be inside the story thanks to these details (find on the Web a real Rehab Center and describe it as if you were there with the Dukes).
Anyway, realistic dialogue and good idea (I LOVE dramatic stories showing the Dukes' bond and love) :-)) If you soften dialogues and if you add some details here and there, the story would improve even more.
Good writing :-)

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service