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for Lethal Chef

11/3/2013 c1 4summerthyme record
Oh, how sweet. :3 But the salad tidbit...ohh Whitney... /facepalms
One point I would like to make is that the scenes whip past, one after another. Maybe slow down a bit?
11/1/2013 c1 117team effort
ah, this was a really lighthearted and cute fic! :3 i really liked the whitney/bugsy interactions in this; sweet, and whitney's terrible cooking skills provided a humorous comedic backdrop! though i admit i did mentally sweatdrop when she put the salad on the stove. seriously, whitney... -_-
the only quip i have is at the very end, when you write the 'a day earlier...' section. i think drawing a line after the present situation would have helped the two parts-yesterday and today-to stand out a little more, because that tiny time-separation line gets a little cluttered with the rest of the text. overall, good job, though! :)
10/1/2013 c1 1k+reminiscent-afterthought
Salad on a stove? Lol, that does sound like something Whitney would do. And poor Bugsy trying to stay in the honour student role.

[that-of f-] - random spirt?

[She was quite certain she was the first person to have Bugsy yell at her.] - not sure quite what you mean here.

["All right, fine!" She cried] - lowercase "she". You've done that a few other places too.

[Bugsy sighed and looked at the mess in the kitchen. ] - there should probably be a divider there, as the perspective changes from a Whitney all paragraph to a Bugsy one.

Aww, you made this couple so cute! Never saw them together, but it really works.

["But you said you don't cook salad." Whitney said, confused.] - comma after "salad" instead of the fullstop. Ditto with the capital speaker tags.

You need another divider before the "A day earlier".

Ah, so that's how she scraped the money together. *giggles* That and defeating all her challengers so they have to level grind in the glass. *grr*
9/27/2013 c1 100The Light's Refrain
This was cute. I was thinking that Bugsy was overreacting earlier, but seeing his situation with the Gym it made sense later, though I feel like this event should have been detailed a bit more. When I first read it, I thought it was talking about an event far in the past, and not a recent occurrence. There's a mention of a medical bill, but it doesn't say who was hurt or how (Bugsy? His staff/Trainers? His Pokemon?). It was nice seeing everyone coming together to help pay for Bugsy's bills though :).
6/19/2013 c1 91Empress Empoleon
This was really funny! Whitney's horrible cooking was hilarious. This story was a very refreshing read for me.

I really like to read friendship fics because in reality, not everything is about romance. Bugsy and Whitney had a nice relationship in this and I really liked the way you wrote them, her being silly an him rational.

The ending was so sweet; I can't believe Whitney went through all that for him! That's adorable. :3

I loved this entire one-shot. My only problem is that you changed tenses through the fic. For the majority of the time you were writing in past tense, such as:

[She cried, running through the forest to get to her gym. She knew why Bugsy was angry, but she also knew Bugsy was rational and would regain his senses and forgive her. She'd never seen Bugsy hold a grudge long enough for it to affect anything.]

However the next sentence you changed it to:

[ Sure, he's still afraid of Houndoom when someone brought one for a challenge and burned down his whole gym, but he has no problem with the trainer and he was forgiven very quickly. The point is, he will forgive her, right?]

See how the tenses changed? You did that a few more times through the story.

Other than that, this was really cute and I loved it! :)
5/29/2013 c1 AyzaAnne0225
Oh...! How cute! Great job Glac!
5/19/2013 c1 48reppad98
Aww, cute! I like how everyone helped Whitney. Very nice :) Thanks for writing, keep writing and good luck in the competion!
5/19/2013 c1 15neophobia
Whitney is funny... And stupid...

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