Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Family Expansions

12/6/2016 c1 3MercyShadow
Not bad, for a start.
I do kinda wish you'd continue this as I have a few ideas on what could possibly happen. I do enjoy it when a story starts off well enough that I'm actually enjoying reading it to some extent. There are a few things I'm somewhat if-ish about though I'll keep my tongue for the moment in preparation to see if they are fleshed out more and explained. XD Aren't I just a bundle of helpfulness?

Mostly I do get the gist of what you're trying to do with this and I do hope you're able to flesh it out further with the next installment of this story... Whenever you decide to continue with it.
3/16/2014 c1 lilcat17
Great start, can't wait to read more!
9/20/2013 c1 Pascooleoaol.com
I love your writing style. I actually laughed so hard at some point that tears came out of my eyes. And I love your character development as well.

My only critique is this- your plot development. i feel like you were rushing to tell us everything at once, in one jumble, because you felt you had so much to say you might forget a detail.( Something I can Identify with completely, I do it to.) I suggest, read patricia's books again, and analyze how she lays out her plot. She gives the setting, and all that is happening in that setting, and then moves onto the next setting(sometimes happening simultaneously to the last setting) and then gives all the goings-on of that place. and she doesn't tell you the whole thing, she gives you details as the characters find them out. (like with Leah going over the guardrail, you could have put it in when they reached the whelping den and everyone noticed she wasn't there.)
Other than that, this is a GREAT story! And I would like to see you pursue it! Please write more!
7/20/2013 c1 Guest
Please update soon
6/8/2013 c1 1emmalilly21
update please

Desktop Mode . Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service