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5/20/2013 c1 7thelogicalpenny
I am glaring at you. Do you know why? Because you have such understading of these characters and their complexities and how they would be at such a young age, meaning you were able to separate them from the events of their future that help define them and bring them back to their basics.
5/20/2013 c1 BluePheasant
Everything is Royai and I am dying. WHY DO YOU WRITE SO WELL? This was amazing beyond everything ever.
5/20/2013 c1 11Antigone Rex
This was a stunning piece of work, full subtle allusions to their future relationship. I enjoyed the simple love you managed to convey here; the comfort they find in one another even as children. If this is a first attempt, I am really excited to see what you come up with next!

Well done and keep writing!
5/20/2013 c1 25Kel's old fics
Oh. My. Gosh. I just... I may have to invent my own new dictionary just to review this story. I love so much about this - I love your style, the way you look both forward and back, the way you describe things in a perfect mix of imagery and metaphor. I love the sights, feels, sounds, smells, but also meaningful images, themes, and ideas. I love love LOVE the glimpses you've given into Riza's mind, her wounded, scared, young mind. About things she's learned and things she hasn't yet learned. Things that will haunt her forever, and things that seem so important now, though these too shall pass. Roy too of course, I like the little things -the coffee and tea, the smells, his small talk, his quiet defiance to go back. For some reason I really like the image of him standing as a statue in the wind, waiting, leaving the decision up to her, but somehow knowing that she will return. I also like your use of repetition - telling us what it is like to be Berthold's daughter and such.

Ok, I'll try not to go on for too long. Basically, this was great. I've read a lot of Young!Royai stuff, and this one was REALLY good, because I feel it's both in character and realistic, as it shows real character GROWTH. As a little girl, Riza ISN'T the same person as she is as a grown woman. She's got a lot of growing up to do before she follows Roy into a war. And I think you've established a really great backdrop for the beginnings of that growth that shows something I don't see very much in fiction. I can't quite describe it. The idea that things take TIME. That this isn't a huge dramatic moment, it's a quiet moment, and it dosen't change everything, but perhaps it starts just an inkling of friendship that goes a long, long way day in and day out. That's why I really loved that Riza couldn't remember their exchanges until Roy reminded her - because we often don't remember the little things, but they are what matter in the end. I loved how you played that in with so much of this - like the tea and not coffee at the end. This story, to me, is like this quiet promise that things get better, but slowly. The promise of hundreds of other small moments that build up into the Roy and Riza we know and love.

I don't mean to "read too much into" your story or somehow sya it has a "moral", but just: thanks. I really like this a lot, and while my life is nothing like Riza's, it honestly helps. I get depressed sometimes because my life isn't big and adventurous and memorable. Stories like this, about the quiet moments and about the burdens of living ever day that are both really engaging and really well and artfully done - they are a rarity. And they are encouraging, even if they aren't "happy". So thank you. I love this.
5/20/2013 c1 V
Very nicely written! I'd love to see you continue. Well done!
5/20/2013 c1 Shannon
(aka I'm edwardelrlc) okay I LOVE THIS and I really want to see more! It was subtle enough that it never outright said anything, but it hinted at both of their lives and relationships with both each other and her father.
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