for Akatsuki's New Demon4/2/2014 c1 
5Merchosias
Well to give you this
Like I said before about making a story mainly about a an OC is dangerous to reviews because people dont like that
Other thasn that just pay attention to typing in every word of every sentence because I have seen some words that are missing
Other than what I think I love the story because it truly detailed in some parts and not in others
It is a good way to start off
5MerchosiasWell to give you this
Like I said before about making a story mainly about a an OC is dangerous to reviews because people dont like that
Other thasn that just pay attention to typing in every word of every sentence because I have seen some words that are missing
Other than what I think I love the story because it truly detailed in some parts and not in others
It is a good way to start off
12/13/2013 c1 Louisagriffins
To be fair to you, this is a better fanfiction than what I've seen people write.
But this just isn't it.
One: No Detail
How does she know Gaara? Where is she anyway?
Truth is the only description I can see in this chapter one are of her eyes and hair.
This is far too expected when you're turning the character into a Mary Sue.
Two: Unexpected Encounter
The Akatsuki want her for what? Why would they waste their time on someone like her when they have tailed beasts to capture?
Three: What The Hell?
You haven't really said anything in this story, because my mind is left in shambles. Don't get me wrong your grammar's alright.
...But the story isn't.
How could she turn into something like this without it having an effect on them? Who the hell is she, anyway? Female Naruto?
Get your priorities straight. You can't just create some fancy bloodline and make some powers that'll make her big-headed and all-powerful or something.
Please.
And the story's moving too fast.
Too fast for anyone to get anything from one chapter.
Please, once you do this, the story will not only be long for me and most writers to enjoy, but it'll also be beneficial to you, as a growing writer.
To be fair to you, this is a better fanfiction than what I've seen people write.
But this just isn't it.
One: No Detail
How does she know Gaara? Where is she anyway?
Truth is the only description I can see in this chapter one are of her eyes and hair.
This is far too expected when you're turning the character into a Mary Sue.
Two: Unexpected Encounter
The Akatsuki want her for what? Why would they waste their time on someone like her when they have tailed beasts to capture?
Three: What The Hell?
You haven't really said anything in this story, because my mind is left in shambles. Don't get me wrong your grammar's alright.
...But the story isn't.
How could she turn into something like this without it having an effect on them? Who the hell is she, anyway? Female Naruto?
Get your priorities straight. You can't just create some fancy bloodline and make some powers that'll make her big-headed and all-powerful or something.
Please.
And the story's moving too fast.
Too fast for anyone to get anything from one chapter.
Please, once you do this, the story will not only be long for me and most writers to enjoy, but it'll also be beneficial to you, as a growing writer.
9/20/2013 c3 1RedGamer101
Okay this is nice, Short but it has great potential. Just make the Chapters longer and add a little detail on the atmosphere or settings. Keep it up!
1RedGamer101Okay this is nice, Short but it has great potential. Just make the Chapters longer and add a little detail on the atmosphere or settings. Keep it up!
5/31/2013 c1 spilltheteee
I saw your profile and ALL YOUR FAVORITE STORIES HAD SAKURA IN THEM! I hate sakura, I 's not in this fic.
I saw your profile and ALL YOUR FAVORITE STORIES HAD SAKURA IN THEM! I hate sakura, I 's not in this fic.