for Shattered Blade6/6/2013 c2 Kratos Pendragon
I can only hope that you put up the next chapter as soon as you write it because I really do not want to wait too long as this story has my full attention.
I can only hope that you put up the next chapter as soon as you write it because I really do not want to wait too long as this story has my full attention.
6/5/2013 c2 Jimbobob5536
Still a little too much telling about what happened instead of showing it too us in the present tense, but that's just my taste. It does work well for pacing.
One thing, I don't think you needed to describe how Karasuba looked at the beginning of the chapter. There were no changes from last chapter. It felt a little superfluous.
Anyway, this is a nice story so far. I like it.
Still a little too much telling about what happened instead of showing it too us in the present tense, but that's just my taste. It does work well for pacing.
One thing, I don't think you needed to describe how Karasuba looked at the beginning of the chapter. There were no changes from last chapter. It felt a little superfluous.
Anyway, this is a nice story so far. I like it.
6/5/2013 c1 Jimbobob5536
A little too much retrospective as opposed to what's actually happening, but that makes sense since you probably don't want to retread what would be mostly copy pasted from In Flight.
On to chapter 2!
A little too much retrospective as opposed to what's actually happening, but that makes sense since you probably don't want to retread what would be mostly copy pasted from In Flight.
On to chapter 2!
6/5/2013 c2 
1JinzoMask656
Well, alot of it is still very similar to GB In Flight, nothing wrong with that I guess. I'm just wondering what sekirei your going to give him. Anyways keep it up, great chapter, hope to see more soon
1JinzoMask656Well, alot of it is still very similar to GB In Flight, nothing wrong with that I guess. I'm just wondering what sekirei your going to give him. Anyways keep it up, great chapter, hope to see more soon
6/5/2013 c2 lazyguy90
Nice work.
Haha, I like the fact that Shirou is really making an effort with his family, going so far as to take care of his mum.
Even if Karasuba keeps lurking around like that.
This is some entertaining stuff.
Keep at it.
Nice work.
Haha, I like the fact that Shirou is really making an effort with his family, going so far as to take care of his mum.
Even if Karasuba keeps lurking around like that.
This is some entertaining stuff.
Keep at it.
6/5/2013 c2 Orcodon
Great chapter, loved the starting kitchen scene and the interactions that took place, Also Minato reaction to first meeting Shirou was wonderful. gave a sense of danger not normally given to him. Hope Shirou and Karasuba get winged soon, Cant wait for more
Great chapter, loved the starting kitchen scene and the interactions that took place, Also Minato reaction to first meeting Shirou was wonderful. gave a sense of danger not normally given to him. Hope Shirou and Karasuba get winged soon, Cant wait for more
6/5/2013 c2 burningflame74
Liking this story so far and am looking forward to when Shirou meets up with his sister again and when he finally meets miya it will be hilarious.
Also enjoying the banter between Karasuba and Shirou/Takami
looking forward to the next chapter
Liking this story so far and am looking forward to when Shirou meets up with his sister again and when he finally meets miya it will be hilarious.
Also enjoying the banter between Karasuba and Shirou/Takami
looking forward to the next chapter
6/5/2013 c2 writinginreverse
Interesting. A few moments were a bit too closely mirrored by In Flight for my tastes, but good chapter.
Also, the singular term for magi is magus.
Interesting. A few moments were a bit too closely mirrored by In Flight for my tastes, but good chapter.
Also, the singular term for magi is magus.
6/5/2013 c2 ImmortalSheep
Decent chapter, except that your thoughts about the chapter should be put at the end, not the beginning.
I hope you give the fiction a grimdark setting and bring in some more elements from the nasuverse than In-flight so far has done, witch is a serious waste of potential, and make it so that it is not just Sekirei Shirou.
Hopefully Shirou has a more Mind of Steel persona when it comes to dealing with the sekirei, given that he is an enforcer. And I seriously want the scene with Kiri shooting Illya to happen with Shirou and Kusano.
Decent chapter, except that your thoughts about the chapter should be put at the end, not the beginning.
I hope you give the fiction a grimdark setting and bring in some more elements from the nasuverse than In-flight so far has done, witch is a serious waste of potential, and make it so that it is not just Sekirei Shirou.
Hopefully Shirou has a more Mind of Steel persona when it comes to dealing with the sekirei, given that he is an enforcer. And I seriously want the scene with Kiri shooting Illya to happen with Shirou and Kusano.