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for A Winchester's Hunt

6/10/2013 c10 10Jenmm31
Yay! I'm glad Bobby was able to fix Lexi! I loved the cute banter between Dean and Lexi. And...yup, Winchesters always use some Jack as a cure-all, hahahaha. Glad Lexi did too :P Can't wait to read about their next hunting adventure!
6/10/2013 c9 Jenmm31
A demon spell! Well that would explain why she's been so sick! I hope Bobby can fix her! And poor Dean :( I'm sure he's freaking out because he never likes to see his siblings hurt.
6/10/2013 c8 Jenmm31
yay for lexi waking up and being able to talk and everything! She was just so overcome with emotions after that blast in the warehouse. Eek! And the last lines were hilarious. I love how Lexi is turning Dean into a softy :) I always thought he'd have a soft spot if he had a sister! Great job...can't wait till the next chapter!
6/9/2013 c7 Jenmm31
Wow! I'm glad Lexi finally woke up...that's good news...but then at the end when she passed out? Eek, now I'm nervous again! I hope she is okay and they can figure out what is going on with her.
A suggestion...maybe try to use a different word other than 'then' because I found it repeated a lot throughout the chapter. You can pick a synonym "later, next, etc." or just take it out of some sentences. Just an idea...what way you can expand the vocabulary in the chapter and have a wide variety :) I always find I use the same words over and over too, so when I go back to proof read it, I check and make sure I don't keep repeating the same ones right in a row, if that makes sense!
Can't wait to see what happens next! And I loved your little author's note..you hit the nail on the head with that. We are all here to improve and we all write FOR FUN! So that why I'm so glad you have decided to keep going with this story. Keep writing it for as long as you enjoy doing it :)
6/6/2013 c6 Jenmm31
Sorry for not replying sooner, I have been busy with school and haven't had much time to be on FF. But, Wow! What is going on with poor Lexi?! I'm worried for her! Eek. Hopefully she gets better soon and snaps out of this trance she's in!
A random comment...In this part of this chapter you wrote:
"While Dean was coming in he was sitting by Bobby. Dean was pulling up a chair. "What are you doing up?" Bobby was asking Dean while Bobby was wiping Lexi's face with the rag."
Maybe it's not necessary to put the whole "was gerund (and -ing word) so much either because it just kinda of slow the reading down, if that makes sense. And also, in a lot of the parts you repeat the names...like for instance in the above example, since you said that Dean just came into the room and was sitting by Bobby, you don't necessarily have to say "Bobby was asking Dean", since we can already assume that Bobby is talking to him.
So maybe that part could be something like "Dean came into the room, pulled up a chair, and sat by Bobby. "What are you doing up?" Bobby asked while wiping Lexi's face with a rag"...or something along those lines. Just some random suggestions to help mix things up in the story and have a variety of sentences structures to choose from :)
I can't wait to see what happens with Lexi! Also, it would be fun for you to add like a physical descriptions of Lexi somewhere in the story...is she short/tall, what color hair, etc..so then us readers can get a picture of her in our heads :) Looking forward to seeing whats in store for her!
6/5/2013 c4 Jenmm31
Aaawwwww. The ending was so sweet! I would have been freaking out too, just like Lexi, if my brother had been stuck in the burning building! I'm glad Dean made it out okay :) And Jo was so proud she killed a demon! haha...she might turn into a good hunter after all!
A random suggestion about verb tenses you used (if you don't want anymore, let me know! I'm just throwing them out there)
A majority of your story is in the past tense (ran, smiled, told, etc), but there are some cases when you use the word 'were' and a gerund (were talking, were running, were smiling, etc.) And sometimes you change from one to the other in sentences that are side-by side. For example "Dean and Sam were then running towards each other. Dean and Sam gave each other a quick hug." I think it might help us readers with the 'flow' of the story if you just stuck with the past tense. So 'Dean and Sam ran towards each other and gave one one another a quick hug' or something like that. And "When they got by the Impala, Sam was making Lexi sit up front with them." could be..."When they got to the Impala, Sam made Lexi sit up front with them" Does it make sense? I always have trouble keeping the verb tenses consistent through my stories too! Just a small detail that you can consider in the next chapter if you want :)
Also, I cannot wait to see what you have in store for the next chapter since they are back from the hunt! Are Jo and Lexi good friends? WIll anything romantic happen between Jo and Dean? Eeek! Looking forward to reading it :)
6/4/2013 c3 Jenmm31
Ohhh...you left us with a cliffhanger! I was so sad for a minute when I thought lexi had lost both of her brothers, but at least we know Sam is safe. WIll she find Dean? Eek. Can't wait to find out.
Also, I love how you added more details in this chapter. The more details you add, the easier it is to picture in my head :) Also, great idea with adding some songs in the chapter! It would be really cool if you like picked a certain part of the song (specific lyrics) and put THOSE in the story too, since I wasn't too familiar with the songs. Then the lyrics can kind of carry a lot of meaning for the characters and what's going on in the story. Just a thought!
Great job though...can't wait to see what happens next :)
6/3/2013 c2 Jenmm31
I think you have a really great idea for this story and I love how the sister admits to being a little scared to go on this hunt (I mean who wouldn't be!). I love seeing a protective big brother Dean too :)
I just have a few suggestions for you...
You use 'as' a lot to describe what is going on. For example in the first chapter you wrote:
"Disappeared? How?" Ellen was asking him as she was trying to understand. As she stood next to him as she gave him a look.
I think you could even stretch your creativity and write out longer sentences. Maybe something like "...Ellen asked with a confused look." or something along those lines. Then it wouldn't seem like you were repeating 'as' so much in the story. Also, it would be fun to read more details about what's going on around them...is it dark? Whats the warehouse look like? Etc, so then it's just not dialogue.
However, I really enjoyed the dialogue! I like how clever and witty Lexi is...she is definitely Winchester, haha. And I like how you decided to include Jo and Ellen in this story. I think you have a great start and I cannot wait to see what you do in the next chapter :)

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