for Abominations and Vampires6/10/2013 c1 Guest
So far, its pretty good in spite of the OCs. Be careful to not make them too much into Mary Sues (I'm also human.. except I can battle an Orc monstrel no problem, etc)
Problem is that this section of fanfic had WAY too many TERRIBLE OC centric stories, so not many people will give it a chance at the beginning.
If you can stop the OCs from stealing the show and instead tell a fun interesting story about the Rosario cast while using the OCs to tell the story (rather than they being the story) then you should do well.
Regardless it's fairly well written and so far the OCs have not (yet?) turned into this dark and mysterious and shadowy and SOOOO COOL, and doesn't need to follow the dress code and can stare down inner Moka, and isn't at all concerned when he suddenly faces a True Vampire (remember Moka isn't JUST a vampire - while her real shinso powers are sealed her appearance is that of her power, that of a legendary true vampire) , because he's soooooo cool
But the fact they were so ready to face inner Moka instead of pleading for a peaceful solution is somewhat troubling, see above.
For now I'll follow and hope the story doesn't degenerate into a Mary Sue bonanza.
Best of Luck and regardless keep writing :)
So far, its pretty good in spite of the OCs. Be careful to not make them too much into Mary Sues (I'm also human.. except I can battle an Orc monstrel no problem, etc)
Problem is that this section of fanfic had WAY too many TERRIBLE OC centric stories, so not many people will give it a chance at the beginning.
If you can stop the OCs from stealing the show and instead tell a fun interesting story about the Rosario cast while using the OCs to tell the story (rather than they being the story) then you should do well.
Regardless it's fairly well written and so far the OCs have not (yet?) turned into this dark and mysterious and shadowy and SOOOO COOL, and doesn't need to follow the dress code and can stare down inner Moka, and isn't at all concerned when he suddenly faces a True Vampire (remember Moka isn't JUST a vampire - while her real shinso powers are sealed her appearance is that of her power, that of a legendary true vampire) , because he's soooooo cool
But the fact they were so ready to face inner Moka instead of pleading for a peaceful solution is somewhat troubling, see above.
For now I'll follow and hope the story doesn't degenerate into a Mary Sue bonanza.
Best of Luck and regardless keep writing :)
6/9/2013 c1 Zahariel
very good job :) you integrated your oc's in nicely while still sticking to the story please keep writing and ill keep reading :D
live long and prosper
very good job :) you integrated your oc's in nicely while still sticking to the story please keep writing and ill keep reading :D
live long and prosper
6/8/2013 c1 TheRightWayAgain
Last time I looked the only thing OC's ruled was the graveyard for all the failed OC fics. Where this one will eventually end up at.
Poor Saizo, assaulted again by another OC writer.
Last time I looked the only thing OC's ruled was the graveyard for all the failed OC fics. Where this one will eventually end up at.
Poor Saizo, assaulted again by another OC writer.
6/8/2013 c1 
5Merchosias
Awesome just down right aweome!
Shima smirked" Who knows, you might end up with a Harem." Funniest Line ever!
I like the story, no let me rephrase that I LOVE IT!
Work on the beginnings of the chapters because it is dull but other than that it is perfect!
5MerchosiasAwesome just down right aweome!
Shima smirked" Who knows, you might end up with a Harem." Funniest Line ever!
I like the story, no let me rephrase that I LOVE IT!
Work on the beginnings of the chapters because it is dull but other than that it is perfect!
6/8/2013 c1 ttuck666
The story has a good flow and the chapter length was perfect in my opinion. The only thing i would suggest would be cautious about making your OC's overpowered and Gary Stus.
The story has a good flow and the chapter length was perfect in my opinion. The only thing i would suggest would be cautious about making your OC's overpowered and Gary Stus.