for Corporal's Pet6/20/2013 c1 JSHknx3
THAT WAS SO HOT! Sadistic Rivaille and Masochistic Eren. That's perfect I can't wait for more :3
THAT WAS SO HOT! Sadistic Rivaille and Masochistic Eren. That's perfect I can't wait for more :3
6/14/2013 c1 
2Rukimii
Omg that was hot O/O
Can't wait till the next chapt!
But try to use some other words instead of moaning. Like mewling, whimpering, go look it up on a thesaurus if you need to. Also, use other words intend of 'He' more. Try to even things out. For example, the Corporal, or use his name; Rivaille. Put some more detail in action and voice. You can also use Eren's thoughts to extend and entertain the story more. Like when he's flustered, or shy and stuff like that. Or his pride even! Describe how Eren feels, since it IS his POV. Also, write down Rivaille's expression more. Like is he frowning, smirking, arching his brow, any that could fit with what he said, that adds emotion to it.
And don't use I a lot. Like here's an example from the story:
'I sobbed and begged'
Now try adding more detail or emotion in it.
'My eyes started to well up with tears as I sobbed, begging for more as the pain started increasing inside each thrust in me.' Well something like that.
Sorry if this is long ; Good luck! I would love to read more of this story!
2RukimiiOmg that was hot O/O
Can't wait till the next chapt!
But try to use some other words instead of moaning. Like mewling, whimpering, go look it up on a thesaurus if you need to. Also, use other words intend of 'He' more. Try to even things out. For example, the Corporal, or use his name; Rivaille. Put some more detail in action and voice. You can also use Eren's thoughts to extend and entertain the story more. Like when he's flustered, or shy and stuff like that. Or his pride even! Describe how Eren feels, since it IS his POV. Also, write down Rivaille's expression more. Like is he frowning, smirking, arching his brow, any that could fit with what he said, that adds emotion to it.
And don't use I a lot. Like here's an example from the story:
'I sobbed and begged'
Now try adding more detail or emotion in it.
'My eyes started to well up with tears as I sobbed, begging for more as the pain started increasing inside each thrust in me.' Well something like that.
Sorry if this is long ; Good luck! I would love to read more of this story!
6/12/2013 c1 Black Cloud
D'awws! That was so cute and erotic at the same time. Good job there and hopefully you'll keep on writing stuff for this spesific pairing.
D'awws! That was so cute and erotic at the same time. Good job there and hopefully you'll keep on writing stuff for this spesific pairing.
6/11/2013 c1 Mikiku
That was sooooo hot, sadistic corporal and innocent eren. i love it *q* keep up the good work & please update soon! :)
That was sooooo hot, sadistic corporal and innocent eren. i love it *q* keep up the good work & please update soon! :)
6/11/2013 c1 IsyPerolla
I can not express in words how much I enjoyed this first chapter *-*
My God, it was fantastic... and I'm so glad to know we still have more chapters! xD
Wow, man, what Rivaille treating the Eren like a bitch, it is so hot, I almost had several nosebleeds, hahaha. But I'll be rooting for the Rivaille fall by Eren and start treating it more affectionately, would be so cute *-*
And this ending was too beautiful! xD
I am very, very anxious to read the next chapter. Please update soon!
Until next time!
kisses!
I can not express in words how much I enjoyed this first chapter *-*
My God, it was fantastic... and I'm so glad to know we still have more chapters! xD
Wow, man, what Rivaille treating the Eren like a bitch, it is so hot, I almost had several nosebleeds, hahaha. But I'll be rooting for the Rivaille fall by Eren and start treating it more affectionately, would be so cute *-*
And this ending was too beautiful! xD
I am very, very anxious to read the next chapter. Please update soon!
Until next time!
kisses!
6/11/2013 c1 Guest
Dayum That Was Hot :00 MORE PLEASE. And Eren's Innocence At Parts Was So Hilarious And Adorable xDD KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. ••
Dayum That Was Hot :00 MORE PLEASE. And Eren's Innocence At Parts Was So Hilarious And Adorable xDD KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. ••
6/11/2013 c1 blackfairy30
So HOT! well, i hope Corporal Rivaille won't hurt eren too much. eren is too cute anyway.
So HOT! well, i hope Corporal Rivaille won't hurt eren too much. eren is too cute anyway.