for artemis fowl love changes all4/4/2015 c19 Sazq
Hey, so far your story is pretty good, soo keep up the good work. A few things I have noticed though.
1. Please look at your gammer and spelling. I know it can be difficult to spell everything correctly 100% of the time (God knows I'm pretty much the worst without auto-correct) but there are many simple errors that should be easy to fix, I.e. Using capitals I's and correct the end of sentences.
2. I have noticed that you tend to end every sentence in which a character is speaking with s/he said/asked/exclaimed/stated. This style of writing can get become quite the strain on the reader. Maybe try to make sentences flow a little easier. If it's only one or two people speaking, you don't need to inform the reader how every word is stated, let the imagination fill in the blanks.
Anyhows, this story is looking pretty damn cool, and I can't wait for further updates. Keep it up!
Hey, so far your story is pretty good, soo keep up the good work. A few things I have noticed though.
1. Please look at your gammer and spelling. I know it can be difficult to spell everything correctly 100% of the time (God knows I'm pretty much the worst without auto-correct) but there are many simple errors that should be easy to fix, I.e. Using capitals I's and correct the end of sentences.
2. I have noticed that you tend to end every sentence in which a character is speaking with s/he said/asked/exclaimed/stated. This style of writing can get become quite the strain on the reader. Maybe try to make sentences flow a little easier. If it's only one or two people speaking, you don't need to inform the reader how every word is stated, let the imagination fill in the blanks.
Anyhows, this story is looking pretty damn cool, and I can't wait for further updates. Keep it up!
2/17/2015 c19 Just Some AF Fan
Please update soon! When's Minerva's wedding?
Please update soon! When's Minerva's wedding?
2/16/2015 c5 
5Crazy Fennec Fox
The punctuation and capitalization errors are driving me crazy! Please capitilize the first word in a sentence, names, I, and the first word in dialogue. Put punctuation!
5Crazy Fennec FoxThe punctuation and capitalization errors are driving me crazy! Please capitilize the first word in a sentence, names, I, and the first word in dialogue. Put punctuation!
2/16/2015 c19 Crazy Fennec Fox
Please re-read your work to check for grammatical errors. You aren't capitalizing the first word in a sentence, and it can be very annoying to read.
Please re-read your work to check for grammatical errors. You aren't capitalizing the first word in a sentence, and it can be very annoying to read.
2/13/2015 c19 The AF Critic
Grade: F (on grammar and spelling and punctuation, not plot.)
1.) Okay, when writing you shouldn't only capitalize the names of characters. When starting dialogue, you capitalize the first word in the quotations ("").
EX: "So, can you?" asked Terra.
2.) PUNCTUATION! It should feel like punctuation is raining down on this story, but instead, I get a drier desert than the Sahara. You do not only punctuate the non-dialogue. You must also use punctuation in the dialogue (where characters speak.) AND EVERY SENTENCE NEEDS A SENTENCE CLOSER! (.!? and sometimes for dialogue ,)
EX: "Ok, deal. A few days from now and my class will be shocked like never before."
3.) Something I want you to work on as well for the next chapter before you post it. When starting a new paragraph, do not use dialogue to start it. Yes, when a new character speaks you do add another paragraph, but you are taking things away by doing that. Like feelings and description. Try describing what the room looks like, what the characters are wearing or thinking.
The AF Critic
Grade: F (on grammar and spelling and punctuation, not plot.)
1.) Okay, when writing you shouldn't only capitalize the names of characters. When starting dialogue, you capitalize the first word in the quotations ("").
EX: "So, can you?" asked Terra.
2.) PUNCTUATION! It should feel like punctuation is raining down on this story, but instead, I get a drier desert than the Sahara. You do not only punctuate the non-dialogue. You must also use punctuation in the dialogue (where characters speak.) AND EVERY SENTENCE NEEDS A SENTENCE CLOSER! (.!? and sometimes for dialogue ,)
EX: "Ok, deal. A few days from now and my class will be shocked like never before."
3.) Something I want you to work on as well for the next chapter before you post it. When starting a new paragraph, do not use dialogue to start it. Yes, when a new character speaks you do add another paragraph, but you are taking things away by doing that. Like feelings and description. Try describing what the room looks like, what the characters are wearing or thinking.
The AF Critic
1/14/2015 c18 low hopes
Are you not going to upload anymore? Were all waiting...
Are you not going to upload anymore? Were all waiting...
1/5/2015 c18 Guest
More please
More please
12/25/2014 c1 2moosejuice5
The storys okay but lease for the love of god put in some punctuation, capital letters at the start of sentences and full stops at the end are the minimum I expect.
2moosejuice5The storys okay but lease for the love of god put in some punctuation, capital letters at the start of sentences and full stops at the end are the minimum I expect.
12/19/2014 c18 just a guy
I absolutely love it the buildup is fantastic can't wait until, the first realization
I absolutely love it the buildup is fantastic can't wait until, the first realization
10/26/2014 c17 The Warden and The Watcher
dying...of...suspense...I think everyone on my side had died of a heartattack o_o
A/H!
dying...of...suspense...I think everyone on my side had died of a heartattack o_o
A/H!
10/24/2014 c1 weMETintheMADhouse
Hi! love the storyline you've started, I would only say to check some of the spelling because that distracted me a bit. Keep going! xxx
Hi! love the storyline you've started, I would only say to check some of the spelling because that distracted me a bit. Keep going! xxx
10/20/2014 c16 Guest
An enjoyable read. I like the interaction you have had with the characters. And yes there's a slight issue with your grammar and all but that hardly takes away from the enjoyable tale you've wrote so far. I'd recommend someone you trust as an editor. You know from one writer to another. But overall a good read. My hat off to you.
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An enjoyable read. I like the interaction you have had with the characters. And yes there's a slight issue with your grammar and all but that hardly takes away from the enjoyable tale you've wrote so far. I'd recommend someone you trust as an editor. You know from one writer to another. But overall a good read. My hat off to you.
l