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6/18/2013 c1 1Jiraiya's Disciple
In a site full of so many crappy stories, this story looks pretty good so far. I will definitely be following it.
6/18/2013 c1 Fight Club
A good chapter and you have peaked my curiosity in why the Chinese are involved to kill Harry.
6/18/2013 c1 Kung fu
bloody awesome, hope Harry become proficient in magic by learning ancient magic to combat the triads. Update soon, because this is a thriller.
6/18/2013 c1 12Yunaine
The writing is very good, but at the same time this entire chapter screams "overkill" in a way that makes the rest of the story completely irrelevant. I highly recommend that you get a beta, so that these issues are removed before you post chapters.

1) The enemy you created is (later in the chapter) shown as utterly ruthless. However, why did they not throw a spell at Harry and Dudley that killed both of them? The usage of a spell that only killed one target is illogical, especially when they later destroy an entire building without a care.

2) Harry flies alone for several hours, and suddenly both Order and Enemy show up? If the Order can track Harry, then they would have a better plan to get him out immediately (apparition/portkey), and if they don't, then they certainly wouldn't go to him when they're under attack themselves.

3) The enemy destroys headquarters on a mere reference to "Grimmauld Place". If they have the power to set that up in such a small amount of time... then why did they not use something similar at Privet Drive? And if they overheard that location, then they also overheard Tonks' name being used and that location should already be under attack.

4) The entire interaction between Harry and Tonks is plain ridiculous. I'm not certain what kind of reactions or emotions you are trying to invoke in readers, but it's not working at all.

4a - Actions: Harry finds Tonks, lowers his guard and is disarmed. He receives no explanation, and is actually physically harmed due to this. They then go to a "safe location" and Harry finds out the family is related to Bellatrix. He's then talked down to have breakfast, because that will obviously solve everything. - Physically attacked, disarmed, and with an unknown person and Harry stands down like a good boy? (If you swapped out Tonks and replaced her with Remus, then this might actually work, but not with an unkown person.)

4b - Explanations: Harry should not be aware of the Order at all. Oh, but Harry, headquarters was Sirius' place so he's dead. And the Weasley's and Hermione were there too; they're dead too. Let me know when you've finished your little fit.

Overkill.
Streamline your chapter, moderate your enemy, and modify the illogical Tonks-interaction.
6/18/2013 c1 corrwin
Interesting start, can't wait for the next chapter...
6/18/2013 c1 w23m5
Great start!
6/18/2013 c1 Karhoff
I'm definitely impressed so far. I like the way you've treated the war so far and while I don't know what you have planned or why the Chinese are attacking Harry I'm intrigued. I'll definitely be following this story closely.
6/17/2013 c1 Mr. T
This has to be by far the best story I've read in awhile. Just out of curiosity, will there be romance? Cannot wait for your next update.
Mr. T
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