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for Twenty-five moments between a Padawan and his Master

7/15/2015 c1 25Drumboy100
I like this, it feels like journal notes on a padawan's progress. So both parties can go back and see the events that made all the difference.
7/18/2013 c1 Shelomit
The scenes you decided to portray-whether canon, invented, or viewed through memory-are aptly chosen and serve well to suggest a richer vision of Anakin and Obi-Wan's relationship as if through a series of snapshots. "Ilum" is just adorable. Obi-Wan's consideration of Palpatine's behavior towards Anakin in "Chancellor" is thought-provoking. He sees Palpatine's manipulations for what they are, at least on the emotional level: ownership in the guise of companionship. The fact that Obi-Wan leaves Anakin to discover the truth for himself is terribly bittersweet. You show your reader the extent to which Obi-Wan is willing to trust his student, even though it proves unwise in the end. I think my favorite was "Clones;" although Obi-Wan acknowledges the clones' humanity, Anakin goes the extra mile and humanizes them. The giving of a name has such beautiful symbolism; I'm glad you used this topos.

There are some grammatical and stylistic problems, although heavens know it's better than anything I could do in a secondary language! Just so you are aware, the main issues are non-idiomatic sentence structure; punctuation, especially using commas where semicolons or em-dashes would be more appropriate; and confusion of similar words (such as "aside" for "beside" in "Sweet Dreams.") You also tend to overuse the word "said" in its adjectival form (as in "Said former Master" in "Knighting"); this term is not much used in conversation and thus sounds oddly formal in this stylistic context. Congratulations, though-this is an interesting and compelling fic!
7/15/2013 c1 45QueenYoda
All of them are beautiful, and I have many favorite lines in this one. This one is my most favorite so forth: "On the planet, it takes his Master one hour to remove him from the ship." I love it!
6/19/2013 c1 Crazy
I really like these little snippets. However, your sentence structure is very odd. It confused me several times. I would appreciate it if you fixed that.
6/20/2013 c1 3froovygirl
There's a whole lot of Ani goodness going on here: I snickered when Ani built a lightsaber that could blow up. Hey, it could happen, right? Thought it was totally in-character for him to dream of marrying Padme and of his children's achievements, even though those things are forbidden. And the amount of Obi-Wan/Anakin goodness in this little fic made me smile.


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