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for separation's pain

3/20/2014 c1 8Wind-Mage-Vaati12
I was reading this...and I started crying for poor Jasdero... how could the Earl do that to him?! That son of a BITCH! I wanted nothing more than to hug that poor boy and tell him that everything would be okay. My god you are good! I'm also a yaoi fangirl by the way. :D
11/24/2013 c1 A-Delicious-Cake
(I'd sign in but the server is being dumb.) With that said this get this started! ( Ohh and feel free to pm me fi you'd like to reply to this!)
I love certain parts of this story, I rarely ever write in first person because of how hard it to nail details and other key ingredients to a story. But on the other hand its the best way to convey a charters emotional state of being, and how from that character's P.O.V things are seen. I personally don't like swearing, but in some fics involving Jasdero it seems like the author will age him down or dumb him down more than needed. In this I found that you made a very good mixture between Jasdero's childishness, his age, and what he represents as Jasdevi. You completely nailed this, good job!

On the other hand there are many grammar errors and at some parts I was confused on what was happening, but this could be due with it being in Jasdero's P.O.V. Maybe the next chapter you could include more details about Jasdero's surroundings, like how the forest smelled or if it was hot; cold; just right temperature.

Other than the grammar and some parts were it's a little confusing, I found it to be enjoyable for genre and attention grabbing! ( I know in the second chapter you do have something in the beginning saying something about it being confusing to read, but I wrote this for the first chapter) If you ever want a beta just to re-read though for mistakes I'd be willing to give it a look, I've had more problems than I can count with grammar, I would have a teacher,a friend, and myself edit anything before actually posting it. I'm going to read the next chapters tomorrow and hopefully write another review.
I hope didn't upset you in anyway this is just my (tired) thoughts on this story. I hope I was informative on how to improve this work or anything else, and I hope you update because if I was so tired I'd read the rest because I'm curious now!
9/14/2013 c1 Guest
I love it! Poor Dero, I hate the Earl! How he dare abuse Dero? He nearly killed him!Poor Dero, what pain he must have felt.
6/22/2013 c2 2ClockworkMinds
This is good. Really, really good.
6/22/2013 c2 13Black Cat of the Black Rukh
AWWW poor dero! I want to kill Earl-sama now

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