6/29/2013 c1 Guest
Hey, ich bin halb amerikanerin und wollte nur sagen du solltest vll ein bisschen an deinem englisch arbeiten. Du wechselst staendig die zeiten und verwendest in/on/to falsch. Was anderes sind noch woerter mit Aehnlichem klang die du verwechselst zb heisst es take a seat not a sit. Ich hoffe mein feedback hift ;)

6/22/2013 c1 Guest
You keep switching from past tense to present tense, sometimes even in the same sentence, make sure to pick one before beginning. Always take time to read your story out loud to see if it sounds right and check for grammar errors. Making sure you don't constantly use a word over and over again also helps keep your story interesting. I know this is your first one so it can't be perfect. I highly recommend following those tips. I know they have helped me a lot. Oh yeah! Reading other stories you like and noting word fluency while studying sentence structures is a HUGE help

6/22/2013 c2 Wolf Gale Fist
Not only is this story bad, but you put it in the wrong category.

Why is this in the Yamcha character category, when its clearly a Vegeta story?