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for An Unexpected Adventure

7/17/2015 c2 Cats are my World
Why is the speech in italics?
1/21/2015 c2 2abandoned-fanworks
Don't take offense but you SERIOUSLY need a beta reader...If you've read my profiled you'll know that I'm a 'consulting beta reader'. If you want I'd be happy to list the obvious mistakes!

Also speech doesn't need to be in italics
1/21/2015 c1 abandoned-fanworks
If you don't continue writing I will feed you to my (very chubby, very lazy, not the least bit intimidating) dog...Trust me, she's a beagle. She will eat you whole

Nah just kidding. If she wanted to eat you she would have to move and I doubt she could be bothered
1/28/2014 c2 2HappyEnchilada
I really like this and would like you to write more of it. Pleas, please, please, with rainbows on top.
12/4/2013 c2 2Eraelias
sounds good :) keep on writing i want hear more!
11/9/2013 c2 The Wolf
Can't wait for more! Update ASAP please!
10/31/2013 c2 2Sevvus
i wonder what they will think when they see Merlin be a servant.
10/26/2013 c2 Fandomlocked
Very nice fic! I hope to see you update again fairly soon!
9/20/2013 c2 4One piece wizard
Hello! Just a random fan passing through. I really love the plot and writing style you have, but I was wondering if you couldn't italic the spech, it kind of makes it look like thoughts, and could you try to make the chapters a little longer? Thank you!
9/15/2013 c2 Guest
: )
7/16/2013 c1 Stargirl
Is that it? I need more it sounds very good!
7/7/2013 c1 3DoctorVanGogh
hmmmmmm... interesting concept cross over. i know you said this is your first fanfic, and personally i don't write fanfic. but i do write, so my advice (which i give very kindly and do NOT intend to sound condescending or rude). try to describe what is happening around the characters. get inside their head. and once you've mentioned something in their head, when they say their thoughts allowed, say it differently. you're writing in theird person, that means you're all seeing. you can step into any single mind you want in all the story, however, you are not any definable character. remeber that what you are seeing, no one else is until you describe it. Don't tell us the tardis is blue, tell us the tardis is the colour of those fresh blue berries amy remembers picking with mels when she would go out and trespass on old farmer McMahns land. pretend your reader is an idiot, that they don't know anything until they are told what it is. they are blind, they can't see without your help. otherwise continue on. don't be discouraged and don't think your writing is bad. it's not. everyone starts somewhere, if this is where you're starting it's a lot better than where i did. have fun with it! live the adventure! i look forward to reading more!

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