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7/31/2013 c25 2SrngDrgn
Hmm, the pacing and flow of the fight itself was ok, but the run-on sentences and awkward (and in some places, redundant) wording were quite distracting. I found it a bit odd, since usually your wording is better than this. XD The key to a good action sequence is to keep in mind that you want to pace your wording so that the amount of time it takes to read about the attack is roughly equivalent to the time it takes to execute it. It's also best to separate sudden/rapid moves with a lot of white space (i.e., put them in their own paragraph) even for moves executed by the same person.

Also, Natsu usually doesn't bellow something while doing one of his special attacks because most of the time he shouts out the move's name prior to releasing his magic (unless it's for comedic reasons). It's the whole "shouting makes spells more powerful." mentality or something. Gray does the same thing most of the time, although sometimes he doesn't have enough time to shout out the move since it's done on instinct or in rapid succession. I'm not sure how often Lucy uses the actual incantations to summon her spirits anymore. I'd have to look it up.

Additionally, I think it's best to only use the Japanese names when Natsu actually shouts it in dialogue and use the English names in the descriptive text. I knew what most of them were since I had researched the different dragon slayer moves quite a lot this week while planning one of my other fics, but most of your readers probably wouldn't know them on sight (well, except for Houkou if they watched the anime subs at all) and it's distracting to stumble upon them and have to go look them up in the middle of an action sequence.

On to the subject of the accent marks, technically it's fine if you don't use the accent marks cuz they can be a pain to insert all the time and instead spell them out (just make sure to use "ou" instead of "oo". I personally like spelling out long vowels because it looks better that way to me.
7/31/2013 c26 M.L. Groves Moved
That's all I've got.
Oh and uh maybe a, "I need fluff again damnit!"
But that's about it.
7/31/2013 c26 36Rivendell101
Ooh Poker fun! :D This is so sad though, they both nearly died. Although neither of them will because then the plot of this story would be over and... well, that can't happen yet!

Love and Always,
7/31/2013 c25 3LinkinParkTheKillersFan
Flaming Headbutt! I can tell you worked hard on this! It's a pretty awesome fight scene! I can't wait for the next chappie! Til next time!
7/30/2013 c25 rxpertsven
This is a good one furthermore better than the fighting scenes from the previous chapter. YOu did try your best especially the part where you stick with the japanese name attack by Natsu. I kinda like that way than translated it to english. A good cheers for this one then again I'll have to wait another chapter.
7/30/2013 c25 36Rivendell101
Yay! I loved it!
7/29/2013 c24 M.L. Groves Moved
... and then you make it shorter. Damn you Happy and your crazy, fish infested mind!
Well, I guess I shall anxiously await for tomorrow- and I didn't get the reference either. I like weird stuff, but Adventure Time is just.. I don't even know what that is.

A one-shot that will make me cry? Best read it when I'm not going to bed then. I much prefer the fluffy ones; usually.
7/29/2013 c24 rxpertsven
Happy's worried. hmm.. so that's the reference. Moving on, the story is indeed good that one should follow. I actually doesn't review much and just reading through but seroiusly, I love your stories. now, next... Cheers!
7/29/2013 c24 2SrngDrgn
Ah, I wouldn't have ever gotten the reference. I don't watch Adventure Time or really anything on TV unless it's a really good crime show (Castle, NCIS, The Mentalist, Criminal Minds...) or sci-fi show (Stargate, Supernatural, etc... not SGU though -_- way to much effing drama and not enough Jack). I've pretty much given up on cartoons. They just don't make them like they used to D: I really miss Gargoyles X_X

Anyway, I don't mind the misdirection. It's rare to read Happy's pov and I really liked it. XD Had me giggling half-way through. Didn't give it the right fish...hehe.

Also, I can't help myself... I kept on getting ideas for making my previous chapters better (especially the GaLe scene at the end of Chapter 2) and ended up doing more work on them than the new one XD I plan to have that done by the 31st since there was a 10 day gap between 1 and 2, figure I might as well make it regular in that aspect at least. XD I know, I'm odd.
7/29/2013 c24 85leoslady4ever
Hahaha! Thanks for the love! Happy to help :) Now for this chapter, gotta say, I love Happy's bizarre thought processes. Lol He's so blessedly simple and fabulous.
7/29/2013 c24 36Rivendell101
*More cuddles* Happy is such a dork... I really want to see what happens next!

You know what I want to see in the manga? I want to see Lucy get hurt, or something of that nature, just to see what Natsu and Happy do. Because- hello!- FLucy died right in front of them and now they're just acting like nothing happened. I want to see some Nalu moments dammit!
7/29/2013 c24 3LinkinParkTheKillersFan
Oh! Adventure Time? That episode? I didn't get to see it! :'(! Oh yay! You mentioned my one-shot! Thank you! Haha, hot cocoa is good in the summer! This was a funny chapter! I can't wait to see what happens next! Til next time!
7/28/2013 c23 2SrngDrgn
Hmm, well the first think I thought was: fire bad smell explosion (gas leak) and something about a yellow canary... second thing: Edolas arc... and Natsu feeling weird holding a torch XD... and the shadow puppets. Anything other than that and I'm drawing blanks.
7/28/2013 c23 M.L. Groves Moved
I've been lurking on this story for about a week and a half now and felt like I must actually say something for once:
Five more cliffy's really? Are you trying to kill what little patience I own? I'm enjoying this story thoroughly and the fact you post so often is AMAZING, but with each new chapter, I can't help , but think, "Why wasn't it longer? WHY WASN'T IT LONGER?!"
Normally that's not a complaint with me, but damnit, I want more and I want it now! As I said, you're killing what little patience that I own: thanks for that, but take it as a compliment- it means I really like what I see so far!
7/28/2013 c23 rxpertsven
Yeah right, coz i'm gonna lookin forward to the next chapters. Wyvern,hmm.. I guess i could picture how fierce it is based on the Wyvern movie last 2009.
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