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5/8/2016 c25 copperpour
"It's funny, she thinks, how tragedy can bring out sincerity."

- what an incredible sentence! I genuinely have no idea what this cartoon is about, but you are a talented writer.

(Also, FFN may have disabled my ability to copy-and-paste sentences from other stories, but that won't ever stop me...)
11/24/2015 c21 9FireCube
Hello! So, instead of doing homework, i decided to read and review this (mainly to remove the email notification from my inbox, but still). Anyway, not too sure what is going, as per usual, so I will comment on what I can grasp.

First and foremost, I like the first person, it's more "inclusive and thus more capable of convincing the reader" or some rhetorical analysis bs.

"thankfully"? Unless there is some other context here, I don't think this word is needed. The narrator seems powerful and leaderlike, why would he be thankful that someone listened to him?

Ohhhh explosion! Yay! Oh I just realized they're all on a roof, at least I think so? So ignore that last comment.

The figure's geography skills are about as great as mine.

"Where is Maidang." I like that you put a period there, it makes it sound stern.

Careful with the verb tenses. "removed his cloak and tosses it aside". They don't agree. Rocky would be disappointed. Jk (or it's not wrong and I'm being stupid)

"Among others."? Not sure if this means other systems or other lieutenants or other shadowy organizations?

"with a bravado I did not feel." Je l'aime.

Instead of "bring it", I would have preferred "come at me bro" but to each his own. :)

Ending: much suspense. much rhetorical strategy. much good English. much good story. much short. much nice. much very well job.

aka, well done, but I can't critique any details. I also don't understand the author's note, but it sounds intense. Keep writing!
7/22/2015 c19 9Black Rose White Fire
Hi!

"That...who would call her a tuto[u]r?" haha this thought

I see "Rowan" and I think of Glade bc that used to be his name...

"Who ever bothered to look up?" indeed indeed I love when people invoke this

Who is Tyler Chen?

Wow that was a really short review...but you know if you want longer reviews you should post longer stuff! You post so much short stuff that you're good at it now but try longer one-shots maybe?

-Fire
7/22/2015 c19 9FireCube
"with that stupid annoying energetic crazy smile" makes it seem like the problems are smiling. Lol.

"jn" supposed to be "in". Typo?

"Weellll". I imagine someone with a sinister smile rubbing his/her hands together, saying this slowly.

"no second guessing himself." *thinks of 'Too late for second-guessing, too late to go back to sleep...'* (Bonus points if you know where that's from, you should at any rate)

"For ventilation or something, probably - he honestly didn't care." I really like this sentence. Throws a little fun into a serious situation. You do it very effectively.

"Felix jerked to a halt". I think it should be "Felix was jerked to a halt." because he didn't jerk himself to a halt, someone else stopped him. Just my two cents here.

"Someone leaning over the edge of the roof." isn't a complete sentence. I see what you're trying to do with it, but I don't think it fits.

"Just fantastic." I love it. Concise ending that leaves me wondering why Tyler Chen is so "fantastic". Also, nine's catchphrase is "fantastic" so I love that word no matter what.

Again, I have no idea what is happening. Random thought of the day: as I was reading this, I pictured the grey tube thing that runs along the wall at East, and pictured myself climbing it... visualization right?

Anyway, very well written (as per usual). Keep up the good work (and perhaps write about something that isn't Greek to me)!
7/20/2015 c18 FireCube
Well, first of all, I have no idea what this story is about, so excuse any stupid questions I may ask. Also, I've never written a review, so... first time! Yay!

First, "On top of the pile of rubble, the highest tower sat proudly,". If it's on top of the rubble, isn't it already the highest? It might just be me, but I wasn't sure if "brass sculpture" referred to the tower.

"stars glimmered in the sky." made me think of les mis. Go figure.

"she could pretend the tower still stood"? Didn't she see it before? Or was it all her imagination? Or is it part of the story that I simply don't understand? Probably the latter but I thought I would point it out anyway.

"The sky had not changed since that terrible night" does not have a period. (Probably a phone thing)

"looked down at those waiting for her below"? If she's looking down, isn't everyone already below her? I thought this was a little redundant (but that may just be my sat-mind kicking in). Same thing for "below, the boy's face broke into a grin." She's standing on top of the tower, so I assume everyone else is below her.

Anyway, I like the short sentences after "ghosts of the past". Short and effective. Unlike Hemingway.

As previously stated, I have no idea what's happening in the story, but I can say that the overall tone and style is very eloquent and rolls of the tongue nicely. It's a breath of fresh air after reading sun also rises for a while.

Keep writing! Reviews are fun to write! (I hope that didn't sound to harsh? I have no idea what I'm doing)
1/17/2015 c13 SunriseostheMoon
WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!111
12/25/2013 c12 weishou.fei
That is so cool
7/22/2013 c4 minibird
Hey!
First reviewer I hope! Anyways like I said stories are pretty intense and I would like you to make the chapters longer maybe? I don't know it's all up to you, keep on writing!

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