
5/5/2022 c6 Guest
You have a very good version of the bridge battle. Well-paced, and easy to follow. I also like the vastly different spin on Haku's Hyoton abilities, something I felt Kishimoto didn't really elaborate enough on.
One tip though:
Hyoton: Namida Reito - Ice Release: Freezing Wind, Ice Release: Frozen Tear.
Both read EXACTLY THE SAME, even if they are pronounced differently. Thus it looks like Haku used the EXACT SAME JUTSU but with VASTLY different outcomes on each use, making the jutsu look like a deus ex machina.
To prevent this, I would change the second version (Ice Release: Frozen Tear) to Hyoton: Reito Tsundora - Ice Release: Frozen Tundra. A simple google translate of a synonym for the portion after Hyoton is a great way to diversify, to ensure that the 2 don't become the same jutsu with differing outcomes to readers.
You have a very good version of the bridge battle. Well-paced, and easy to follow. I also like the vastly different spin on Haku's Hyoton abilities, something I felt Kishimoto didn't really elaborate enough on.
One tip though:
Hyoton: Namida Reito - Ice Release: Freezing Wind, Ice Release: Frozen Tear.
Both read EXACTLY THE SAME, even if they are pronounced differently. Thus it looks like Haku used the EXACT SAME JUTSU but with VASTLY different outcomes on each use, making the jutsu look like a deus ex machina.
To prevent this, I would change the second version (Ice Release: Frozen Tear) to Hyoton: Reito Tsundora - Ice Release: Frozen Tundra. A simple google translate of a synonym for the portion after Hyoton is a great way to diversify, to ensure that the 2 don't become the same jutsu with differing outcomes to readers.
5/1/2022 c32 Shifufufd
FUCKKKKK I JUST WASTED MY FUCKING TIMEEE!FUCK YIU AUTHOR FUCK THIS SHIT FUCKKKKK
FUCKKKKK I JUST WASTED MY FUCKING TIMEEE!FUCK YIU AUTHOR FUCK THIS SHIT FUCKKKKK
4/26/2022 c26 Some useless lesbian
Bro I love all the new characters and plot lines in this like I’m so hyped rn!
Bro I love all the new characters and plot lines in this like I’m so hyped rn!
4/25/2022 c21 Some useless lesbian
Remark is hearing them pick on cat boy and she’s allwrite that shit down write it down!
Remark is hearing them pick on cat boy and she’s allwrite that shit down write it down!
4/25/2022 c17 Some useless lesbian
Broo I’m not even gonna lie I cried like a baby reading this but also watch out village Kushina is back and ready to beat some ass
Broo I’m not even gonna lie I cried like a baby reading this but also watch out village Kushina is back and ready to beat some ass
4/17/2022 c1 suckstobeacritic
Crystal Release... 'Cook I can make crystaline structures... CRYSTAL METH NO JUTSU!'
Crystal Release... 'Cook I can make crystaline structures... CRYSTAL METH NO JUTSU!'
4/6/2022 c13 Crevanille
This is prolly one of the most exciting and fun to read 'vs Orochimaru in the Forest of Death' events I've seen in awhile! Plus, it's cool to see so many different ninja factions band together like that! It really shows just how dangerous the Snake Sannin really is!
This is prolly one of the most exciting and fun to read 'vs Orochimaru in the Forest of Death' events I've seen in awhile! Plus, it's cool to see so many different ninja factions band together like that! It really shows just how dangerous the Snake Sannin really is!
1/24/2022 c23
13Write Your Wrongs
Idgaf what anybody says, I like the whole ‘random family coming into Naruto’s life’ cliche! It’s fun tbh!

Idgaf what anybody says, I like the whole ‘random family coming into Naruto’s life’ cliche! It’s fun tbh!
9/10/2021 c21
2dextron11
This story started out really strong. Unfortunately, it has completely gone off the rails, starting with you just randomly bringing Kushina back with essentially no setup or internal justification. If you want Kushina in your story, there are better ways of doing it than just saying, “Oh she’s actually alive because bullshit, and everything is fine now.” Additionally, having her state, explicitly, that Uzumakis can survive a Bijuu extraction removes the personal element of the threat the Akaktsuki pose to Naruto.
Finally, I have never, EVER, seen a dragon summoning contract done well. They are all incredibly flat, overpowered, and subsequently underused. It isn’t like the toads were underpowered, or tired. They’re hardly ever used right, or indeed used at all. You had a chance to use the toads as the primary connection between Jiraiya and Naruto, helping develop that relationship. He, Kushina, and Karin already had enough for you to develop, so they didn’t need the addition of a shared contract. Instead, you went with what seemed ‘cool’, and ‘new’, while actually being wooden and cliched.

This story started out really strong. Unfortunately, it has completely gone off the rails, starting with you just randomly bringing Kushina back with essentially no setup or internal justification. If you want Kushina in your story, there are better ways of doing it than just saying, “Oh she’s actually alive because bullshit, and everything is fine now.” Additionally, having her state, explicitly, that Uzumakis can survive a Bijuu extraction removes the personal element of the threat the Akaktsuki pose to Naruto.
Finally, I have never, EVER, seen a dragon summoning contract done well. They are all incredibly flat, overpowered, and subsequently underused. It isn’t like the toads were underpowered, or tired. They’re hardly ever used right, or indeed used at all. You had a chance to use the toads as the primary connection between Jiraiya and Naruto, helping develop that relationship. He, Kushina, and Karin already had enough for you to develop, so they didn’t need the addition of a shared contract. Instead, you went with what seemed ‘cool’, and ‘new’, while actually being wooden and cliched.
9/5/2021 c22 Guest
The Dragon contract is too much on top of his kekkei genkai, unique taijutsu and his prodigal sealing ability. And on top of Kushina being alive, other Uzumaki just keep randomly appearing seriously wtf
The Dragon contract is too much on top of his kekkei genkai, unique taijutsu and his prodigal sealing ability. And on top of Kushina being alive, other Uzumaki just keep randomly appearing seriously wtf