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3/15/2016 c6 Guest
Such an interesting story, a shame that it's years old now. I wonder what happened to the author of this one? I think the plot is really interesting. Maybe one day it will be finished.
11/11/2014 c6 Guest
10/18/2014 c1 Cataria
Wow! This was a great way to get me into the story. I just couldn't look away. You really pulled me into the story. This is my first Aion story too, so congrats! I have a Chanter Elyos and a Sorceress Asmodian as well. I like the two different POVs from the races.
8/22/2014 c6 Dragonsong57
I have Asmodians on the Israphel Server. Not sure if you're still looking, but I have them.
3/12/2014 c6 Guest
hi there, that's an intresting fic to say the least. I really like your style of writing and even if you are an elyan player - at least from what i've read in your comments - the descriptions and lore related contents are surprisingly fair or evenmatched so to say :)
because reading this made me really yearning for more i hope you will upload soon :D

from a curious asmodean player
11/1/2013 c6 asfta
And for the first time since I've been on FF, the Story Update notification landed in my spam folder instead of inbox. -..- Good thing I check it from time to time -..-
This was a nice chapter. It's not exactly long and informative though, so there's not much I can say. There was one thing that bothered me, Carr starting to cry. Yeah... she's fought the Balaur... I imagined her a little tougher than that. Anyway, even for a non-tough person crying for someone she's just met feels out of nowhere. I hope the next chapter's more informative.
10/19/2013 c6 16seinka
Nice chapter, though I had to read it twice to understand what happened there.
And it's too short, I don't know what to comment on. But it's well written and I'm really looking forward to the further events.
I'm starting to like Maebin. I know it's strange, as he's not exactly the 'good guy' type, but he's interesting.
Write on. ;)
9/22/2013 c5 Guest
Like this update.
9/17/2013 c1 Guest
I suspect my comment was lost, because it usually doesn't take so long to appear. In case I double post, sorry, in case I don't, here's what my original review for the fifth chapters looked like (somewhat):
Woot! This is more like it! I love the changes you've done with this. The conversation is believable and realistic. There's much more tension here, which also means more anticipation for what's coming next.

There were some grammar/spelling mistakes, but I'll write them down later when I have more time unless someone does it for me. Other than that... Carr, why the hell did you bring such important documents into the Abyss? XD

P.S. Can't believe I haven't noticed this before... You've named the first chapter "Epilogue", are you sure you didn't mean "Prologue" instead?
9/17/2013 c5 Guest
Woot! This is more like it! I think the conversation is a lot more believable this way, not to mention, there's more tension, therefore, there's more anticipation (for what's coming next). Me likes! :) I've spotted a few grammar/spelling mistakes, I'll write them down a bit later when I have more time, unless someone does it before me. Other than that... Carr, are you crazy? You took such documents with you in the Abyss? What were you thinking? XD
9/16/2013 c5 Guest
I've read the previous version of this chapter, but when I wanted to read it again and write a review, it was gone. :(
But this one is good. Better, I think.
I like your Asmodians. They are... well, very much human-like as your Elyos.
Good job, keep writing. ;)
9/15/2013 c5 asfta
Well, some beta-reader I am :P That is to say, I was reading this and found it pretty early on, just didn't comment until now. I'll sum up everything in this review, there are several major thoughts I have regarding this story:
1. Other than a few spelling mistakes and typos, which I believe have been indicated by others already, the language is fine.
2. You only mentioned being inspired by The Lay of a broken Winged Sparrow, but I see you've read Mending the Broken Wing as well (a familiar quote caught my eye) ;)
3. Forbidden love One of my guilty pleasures, so, yeah... ..;
4. In the fourth chapter, I found it a little disturbing how the two Elyos, practically captive by Asmodians, start yelling at each other right in front of them. Okay, so Car is a little off, let's forgive her behaviour taking her health into account. But the fact that Ahnek starts the "what the hell did you think about" kind of fight when they're both on sword-points, literally or figuratively, seemed a little too inadequate and unnatural a behaviour for a warrior.
5. I was looking forward to this chapter, but I was kind of disappointed bu the dialogue, which seemed just as unnatural to me. It seemed to lack suspicion on both sides even if neither of those are hostile. It was more like a rescue group talking to a person they'd been looking. Too friendly, not formal enough, too much fluff for what should've been careful interest. I don't really know how to put it in words correctly, it just felt off.

P.S. I was that Songweaver who whispered to Moon and notified your legion about your story (and earned legion membership for my troubles, although it's been so long since I logged in, I expect I'm kicked out already), I couldn't really believe my eyes when I went to the broker in Eltnen and found Moon from The Chickens That Rawr at Asmo standing there, couldn't help myself fangirling a bit, they were all so excited to hear it, kept asking me who was in the story and where exactly the wtory was. :P
9/4/2013 c4 Nonas
Possible typos
that wist- that wish?
preety - that was a meant typo correct?
all in a sudden - all of?

Read through it again and those were the only ones I can spot. I know I tend to overlook them in my own writing a lot so no guarantees. Didn't know Chickens had this up their feathers!

Sweet story, I look forward to reading more.
9/3/2013 c4 29017Bluefield
For some wierd reason? I can't believe you said the S-word. Still, that argument with the captors watch is pretty funny.

Hope you keep it up. :)
8/21/2013 c3 Embunlaras
I like your story, I think it would be good if you give more romance there. I'll wait for next chap
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