for Temptation1/10/2015 c1 Guest
I loved your story! Man I was looking for a fanfic about youruichi and grimmjow! That was amazing keep up the good work! But seriously that was amazing! If this story was rated to 10, I would give it 1 000 000 000! A MILLION! I loved your sense of creativity.. Oh and happy laaaaattte new year
I loved your story! Man I was looking for a fanfic about youruichi and grimmjow! That was amazing keep up the good work! But seriously that was amazing! If this story was rated to 10, I would give it 1 000 000 000! A MILLION! I loved your sense of creativity.. Oh and happy laaaaattte new year
10/7/2013 c1 
49Hazel Roses
I have yet to read this pairing before so I decided to give it a try!
You're writing is very easy to fall into. It isn't very visual with description as in their surroundings, but it is good with visual on their injuries and the characters themselves, which definitely is the main point.
I did think that Yoruichi scratching him or whatever she is supposedly doing during their fight a little strange and kind of weak for her. I expected powerful kicks and punches from her or her putting Grimmjow in submissive holds. You moved into that until still leaves me questioning how she was scratching him and the act that she bit him made me raise an eyebrow.
You're doing this with dialogue:
Cheap shot." He said in pain as he dropped to his knees.
Correct way:
Cheap shot," he said in pain as he dropped to his knees.
A comma follows declarative dialogue when a dialogue tag (he said) follows, not a period. Since that should have been a comma, "he" does not need to be capitalized. If it had been like this:
Cheap shot."
It would have been correct to use a period.
I like how Yoruichi wants to show Grimmjow "something sexy" before he dies. To me Yoruichi is definitely a playful tease to that seemed very in character of her to say something like that.
He would feed her and play with her and fuck her lol. That really made me laugh.
Well good job over all!
Hazel Roses
49Hazel RosesI have yet to read this pairing before so I decided to give it a try!
You're writing is very easy to fall into. It isn't very visual with description as in their surroundings, but it is good with visual on their injuries and the characters themselves, which definitely is the main point.
I did think that Yoruichi scratching him or whatever she is supposedly doing during their fight a little strange and kind of weak for her. I expected powerful kicks and punches from her or her putting Grimmjow in submissive holds. You moved into that until still leaves me questioning how she was scratching him and the act that she bit him made me raise an eyebrow.
You're doing this with dialogue:
Cheap shot." He said in pain as he dropped to his knees.
Correct way:
Cheap shot," he said in pain as he dropped to his knees.
A comma follows declarative dialogue when a dialogue tag (he said) follows, not a period. Since that should have been a comma, "he" does not need to be capitalized. If it had been like this:
Cheap shot."
It would have been correct to use a period.
I like how Yoruichi wants to show Grimmjow "something sexy" before he dies. To me Yoruichi is definitely a playful tease to that seemed very in character of her to say something like that.
He would feed her and play with her and fuck her lol. That really made me laugh.
Well good job over all!
Hazel Roses
8/6/2013 c1 1RAMI MALEKS TYPE
OMG! I love it, thank you! This was has always been one of my most favorite parings that I never got to see take off (though I know it was a super crack paring). I've got to say, this has got to be one of the best presents I've ever been given in all my few years of life.
This one shot was great and you did fine on the lemon scene, if anything prefect in my eyes! And how they both worked their adrenaline from the fight into their evident activity. Great!
Again thank you so much. I really enjoyed this read. Now get back to writing your ass off! lol xP
1RAMI MALEKS TYPEOMG! I love it, thank you! This was has always been one of my most favorite parings that I never got to see take off (though I know it was a super crack paring). I've got to say, this has got to be one of the best presents I've ever been given in all my few years of life.
This one shot was great and you did fine on the lemon scene, if anything prefect in my eyes! And how they both worked their adrenaline from the fight into their evident activity. Great!
Again thank you so much. I really enjoyed this read. Now get back to writing your ass off! lol xP
8/6/2013 c1 8Voluptuous
That was hot. Yoruichi is pretty hot herself, for a female she can live up to grimmjow pretty well ;P I was surprised how great the two of them fit together.
Nicely done ;)
The only criticism i have is that nearly every sentence started with either 'He' Or 'She'
Its a pretty standard way of starting a sentence, but it got overly repetitive after awhile.
I really like this oneshot and this pairing; for sexual purposes only. ;) Thanks heaps for writing it. XD
8VoluptuousThat was hot. Yoruichi is pretty hot herself, for a female she can live up to grimmjow pretty well ;P I was surprised how great the two of them fit together.
Nicely done ;)
The only criticism i have is that nearly every sentence started with either 'He' Or 'She'
Its a pretty standard way of starting a sentence, but it got overly repetitive after awhile.
I really like this oneshot and this pairing; for sexual purposes only. ;) Thanks heaps for writing it. XD