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4/4/2017 c11 1Aquafairyrobot
Can you send a link to this story?
4/8/2014 c1 I-hate-everyone-Friday
Seriously, why aren't enough people liking/following this? WHY? They're all crazy for not following such a great story!
12/19/2013 c9 8PearlM21
I've missed this story! I was worried you dropped it. I'm really interested to see how all the different immortal race leaders interact. I hope you update soon! :)
9/22/2013 c8 PearlM21
I can't wait until we get to meet the elder deamon. That should be an interesting character.
9/8/2013 c7 PearlM21
Oh my gosh those kids are crazy! I could only imagine what it would be like to take care of them! At least the day would never be dull! lol :)
9/7/2013 c6 PearlM21
Brandy raises a very valid question there at the end, and he does it in an extremely amusing way.
9/6/2013 c6 7Paxloria
I like what you came up with for their arrival at the Amaerican Dispatch.
It's actually a little amusing that Brandy gets along with Grell so well considering that he is just like Tera. Tera torments Brandy the same way Grell Torments William.
*grins*
Maybe Brandy should arrange for a staff transfer.
Sara seems to be a bit like Ronald.

Anyway, good chapter.

_
I think that instead of, "...a hack on the head..." you ment to say "smack" instead.
Since there's 1 reaper, you can't say "...long bangs framing their face..." and talk about her in the plurel.
You can't see Undertakers ears in the anime or manga, so saying that Brandy put on earings like his doesn't really help.
"up" instead of "u."
Punctuation needs a little work.
In the last section theres a few sentences that need to be re-done.
8/25/2013 c5 Paxloria
Ok, You once said that these chapters are all drafts so I'm going to critique this like I would a draft.
1).
I can understand not wanting to portal to a place under water, but why not directly to the Mer-peoples city, or to the agreed upon meeting place? It seems a wast of time & effort to hop & run through a forest all day & night when they could just portal to the clearing where they are going to meet up with the Mer representative Maxine. Another possibilitey would be to Portal to their earth base at Phantomhive mansion for a quick meal, a rest, and a little talk to help explain what they can expect when the meet the Mer-people.
2).
It would be good to ITALICS any song lyrics so that it will be easier to tell the singing appart from the regular story text lines. Though personally I've never cared for songs in storys 'cause they take up room that could be used for progressing a story along. Unless its a prophetic song/poem I always just skip those parts.
3).
You've a troublesome bit of lines.
ORIGINAL:
"It is what we call our young, until they have passed their final training they are guppies. Or for shinigami I guess it would be called a trainee, if they pass their ..."
Suggestion:
"It is what we call our young. Until they have passed their final traning they are guppies, just as for shinigami i guess they would be called trainees. If they pass their training they..."
8/25/2013 c5 8PearlM21
I love the descriptions of the mermaid cave. It's like a wonderful little under water fantasy!
8/25/2013 c5 alexma
cool story please update soon thanks
8/15/2013 c3 PearlM21
I like how you are starting to give a back story for your oc. Things are a little sad though. I hope they can save most of the kids. Anyway, you are doing great. Please continue :)
8/14/2013 c3 7Paxloria
Hmm...
if Brady Thorn was one of the original Shinigami's then his parents could not have been either English or Japanes.
Those countries, especially England, did not exist back then and most certainly not by those names.
8/14/2013 c3 1PenNinja1300
this chapter was really cute. but I still hope we can jump into some action soon! 3
8/12/2013 c2 PenNinja1300
*vomits rainbows into happy corner* im really into this story and pretty excited to see where this goes. more please!
8/12/2013 c1 PenNinja1300
if people like this idea? I LOVE IT! please continue this, its one of the best stories i've seen for this anime and arguably the anime genre. update soon! 3
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