Just In
for Inside the Red Zone

11/19/2013 c2 Storm
11/19/2013 c1 Storm
11/6/2013 c5 35Bearbutt
You have a good direction with storytelling. What you write is interesting, has flow, and makes sense.

However, the gem coloured eyes is a huge turn off.

Try to eliminate purple prose from your writing. Eyes are eyes. Blue eyes can just be called blue. Cerulean and sapphire are two different shades of blue. Describing the same pair of eyes with two different shades can either imply that they change colours, or that you write with an open thesaurus.

Your writing is good! You don't have to dress it up with pretty words. I know using the same word over and over again can seem redundant, and if you're feeling that then eliminate the description entirely.

The great thing about writing het fic is that often you can just refer to them by their name or 'he'/'she' pronouns and the reader will understand whom you are talking about. An even greater thing about fanfiction, is that the readers already know what the characters look like. Therefore, minimum character description is needed.

Now, to end that lesson. I like your enthusiasm for this pairing. I like your fresh story ideas. The dystopic future you wrote was interesting and a fun read. I also like your highschool AU. I hope you don't take my criticism personally and continue to write.
11/6/2013 c5 samantha
que? sigue escribiendo
11/4/2013 c5 TheClassyAquaman
More please, Eren and Annie are so adorable together!
11/2/2013 c5 Lub
11/2/2013 c4 Brain and Drugs
great as well
11/2/2013 c2 frick
11/2/2013 c1 Esc
Great great
10/31/2013 c2 Lea
10/31/2013 c1 Damn
I love it
10/31/2013 c5 unblockabletree4
What a twist, about Annie. I have to say though, I thought you would change up more about what happened in the plot, but it was interesting to see where this goes, as well as what Annie does. And as always, keep up the great work!
10/29/2013 c5 DeadFlash27
Yes I always wanted a scene where Reiner, Bert and Annie try to secretly discuss what to do about Eren and his powers cause that changes their entire plans. 10/10 on Annie choosing her mission first. That kinda complex character development is what puts Annie in my top 5 Snk characters.
10/29/2013 c5 Ponderess
So I read this indeed after waking up and I'm too lazy to login right now.
That thing with the necklace was adorable, aww. (If you don't want him, Annie, I'll take Eren, you know. *cough*)
Apart from the fact that I want to punch Annie for deciding to get over Eren and go back to "normal" aka not feeling - you can't just simply stop loving Eren Jaeger, there's no way out for you of that, goddammit Annie - I feel like you could've ripped my heart out better than that in the last part. I know Mikasa's and Armin's reactions when Eren turns out to actually be still alive, what interests me here is Annie. How does she feel when spotting Eren? Don't make me imagine the tumult of feelings in her by myself, before she decides that has only caused problems for her and she is better off without caring. We're in Trost, Sam, make my heart hurt. I know you can do, you did it with the last chapter.
That is my only complaint, because I like my fics to tear out my heart when there's an opportunity like this. (Especially if I know the author is definitely capable of that.) Still the chapter was good and I'm really not complaining you had a very inspired hour in which you typed around 2/3 of the chapter. *conjures your muse for more happenstances like this* (While we're at it: *conjures my muse for an inspirational session like this*)
10/29/2013 c5 arch-nsha
No Annie you can't stop loving him he's got the key to your heart, remember?
Great chapter as always. Your writing always manages to pull at my heart's strings.
345 « Prev Page 1 .. 8 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 .. Last Next »

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service